here are some thoughts: February 5, 2023
it's my first day of being fully unemployed since August of 2004, and i have some thoughts.
first, though, welcome to the new Buttondown version of this, i guess? i will try to make it a little more built-out at some point (looks like there are quite a few formatting options), but right now, we're sticking with the basics. here we go.
💼 as you may or may not have heard, i resigned from my job at Riot New Media, and my last day was this past Friday. the short version of the story is, i realized that (for so many reasons), i needed to get out of working in media as my full-time gig. especially going into an election year. even though my roles have been minimally public-facing, the stress of being looped into Everything That Is Going On, For Work (or what i like to call "working for the internet") has never been easy for me, and is getting increasingly unsustainable. instead of growing a thicker skin, mine is getting thinner, and the social media echo chamber makes my ears ring more even as i work to distance myself from it. so now i'm working on figuring out what next looks like -- is it still in publishing? is it something else entirely? if so, what??? -- and funding the gap with my "fuck-off fund," which a very wise friend told me many years ago to put money into whenever/however i could.
relatedly, i will be putting out my contractor shingle soon, because as much as i would like to just go make cheese in the woods for six months, i still live in capitalism. if you have proposals/projects that you might like to talk to me about or see me offer, let me know! very open to suggestions.
it's a very strange time; i thought it would feel freeing, and it sort of does, but i also feel very adrift. (these feelings will morph and change the more distance i get, i know; this is just what it's like now.) i started working in bookstores right out of college (the aforementioned August 2004) and have been doing it ever since, and i was at Riot alone for nine years, which for Xennials is practically unheard of. additionally, growing up lower middle-class, leaving a job with benefits and health insurance for ... nothing?? who knows??? ... is verboten, at least a few of my ancestors are rolling in their graves right now. scarcity mentality is a beast, and also very real, fuck-off fund or not.
🧶 let's talk about something nice, though. i am reading Ximena Vengoechea's excellent REST EASY right now, and i so appreciate the deeply practical take, with anecdotes, research, AND illustrations, that it offers on how to figure out what rest looks like for me personally. one of the things i'm realizing is that while my passive rest largely consists of reality TV (DID YOU KNOW that there's a new season of Traitors???), active rest often takes the form of "try something new." so today i went to Michael's and bought myself a beginner crochet book, a size M hook, and some yarn. (i had told myself that i wasn't allowed to pick up a new hobby until i had completed the quilt i started actual years ago, but i changed my mind because who the hell cares, actually! elmo fire gif here.)
🚀 and speaking of reading, i started a Machineries of Empire reread which i've been meaning to do since the series was first completed, and somehow NINEFOX GAMBIT is even better than i remembered!? digging into RAVEN STRATEGEM as soon as i get my library copy.
👋 alright that's enough for today. i will likely send these more often, and while i'm still trying to figure out my social media presence, you can most often find me on Litsy right now.