September Newsletter: Self Care and EMBARRASSING
Greetings!!
I hope your September Spring Start is splendiferous. Today’s topics: Self Care and EMBARRASSING! Strap in.
SELF CARE SKIN CARE
When I feel like poop, I know how to get myself out of the poop funk.
And it’s through my very own self help skin care analogy. Behold the two-step, multipronged skin care/ self care routine!!
Step 1: EXFOLIATE
You need to exfoliate to get the shit out of your face that’s clogging your pores. AKA when you are sad/ angry /overwhelmed / emotional in general you need to LET IT OUT. Get that gunk out of your face otherwise it will only pop up as pimples later!
For me this comes in the forms of
Ugly crying.
Writing an angry letter to the person of whom I blame these uncomfortable feelings to (but never intend to share it).
Big run (could also cry on the run for a double cleanse).
Venting* to a friend that has the capacity to listen - * crying.
Step 2: MOISTURISE:
Then once you’ve scrubbed your face, you feel all tight. You can’t leave it like that!! You gotta moisturise!! AKA you can’t stay in the sad-hole forever, or your face will be rubbed red raw.
You’ve got to feed it some good stuff, like (Face Hero) oil and (Very Useful Face Cream) Moisturiser. Do some things that light you up. Nourish yourself.
For me that's:
A dance class
Hanging out with pals.
Sunshine and coffee and singing and improv.
Seeing a theatre show (this can also work for the scrub phase if the show is sad and you need some help getting the tears out).
Wow! Now you’re all glowy and back to your fabulous self. Repeat as much as necessary. Remembering not to stay in one phase too long.
If I were to keep this analogy going, I would bring in fortnightly face masks — extra looking after yourself, like free flow journal writing. (I like to set a 7 minute timer and write whatever is in my brain for the whole time —it just feels good to get it out, and helps somehow collect your feelings and also recognise your own patterns of thoughts and behaviour).
I would even go as far to say, people you gotta cleanse and moisturise every day!! Aka recognise your feels (cleanse) and give yourself something exciting to live for (moisturise). Julia Cameron talks about the need for pleasure in her book “The Artist’s Way” and I will recommend that book every newsletter until I take on another hobby and there is no time left for newsletters and even then you will hear me bring it up in conversation with you at every chance. Cleansing is giving yourself a sprinkle of pleasure every day.
Who am I to tell you all this!? No one. So take it with a grain of bath salt (and then use it as a body scrub to get the feels out).
Why am I telling you this!? So when Zoe Foster Blake stumbles across this newsletter, she’ll go WOW this is an incredible analogy. I need Jacqui Bramwell to come write a book in collaboration with me for Go-To. Or at the very least say, “Now that girl needs a lifetime supply of skincare.” Or at the very, very least invite me to come and nanny her cute kiddos and lounge around inside her dream, maximalist, quirky, chic home in Vaucluse. I’m not picky. And your pimples shouldn’t be either! So get that skin care/ self care routine.
EMBARRASSING
Recently I saw a girl carrying a cat in a backpack and thought to myself, I would rather DIE.
Embarrassment is funny isn’t it? What one person classifies as embarrassing is very different from the next.
One person's embarrassment is another person's Tuesday.
- Jacqui Bramwell
I remember my cousin telling me a story when we were both in high school about how she sneezed in class, she finished the story with “and that was the most embarrassing moment of my life!” I was like REALLY? I would sneeze in front of Zoe Foster Blake herself and be like, whatevs. Carrying a cat bag though—knock me over the head and shove me in a coma.
What is my most embarrassing moment do you ask? (This is the question doesn’t come up nearly as it did in Primary School, which is a real shame if you ask me)
I have done many an embarrassing thing by a Plain Cracker’s standard... I once sent out a lie about how I was feeling overwhelmed at my part-time ushering job to get out of a couple of shifts, but instead of sending it to just my manager I had clicked “reply all” to the entirety of the 300 + Opera House staff, who had to read my whiney woes to get out of 2 shifts of 3 hours of easy-peasy work. About 30 people replied to me expressing that they were sorry that I felt unwell and, did I know that I clicked reply all? YES, I DID WHEN THE FIRST PERSON TOLD ME. My brain likes to sprinkle this fact into my evening dreams a few times a year.
But here’s what embarrassed me as a tween…
When I was 12 I was reading Harry Potter while sitting on the coffee table. My mother had a meeting with a client and was sitting on the couch behind me discussing floor plans. I purposely chose the coffee table in front of them to read because I thought the lady might think I’m super smart and maybe even comment on it. I don’t know what came over me, maybe I was relaxing into the excitement of the book but I suddenly let the loudest fart rip. It was the airy-horn kind. It also seemed to last more seconds than necessary for an unexpected fart. I remember tightening my sphincter, trying to pull it back in but it just made it pitch up at the end like a question. The bubbles of air protruding from my anus seemed to bounce off the wooden coffee table echoing across the room like a tuba in the Opera House Concert Hall.
I was immediately mortified.
Mum and the guest ceased the conversation to listen to the lengthy fart in full and after a pause for shock both erupted in hysterical laughter. My mum and this fancy lady were doubled over in chortle pain as I still sat at the end of the coffee table refusing to turn around, denying responsibility for what I had just done. Humiliated by my own doing, my brain was in overtime trying to come up with a solution to get out of this situation/ deny it was me/ take no responsibility for the heinous crime; accidental anus airtime. I decided that the only possible way that I could deny responsibility was to stand up and go to my bedroom. This action would communicate to mum and the fancy lady that I TOO was shocked by that loud obstruction of noise and gas, and I TOO thought it was smelly and will be leaving the premises since I am a classy, young girl and am offended by such juvenile actions and it could not have possibly been me that just farted. This would therefore, shift the blame on to someone else, relieving me of any wrong doings as I went and relieved myself. I decided this, even though it did not make sense to do so since it was only us three in the room; The two adults laughing and the red faced blondie, serious and silent. As I stood up to leave the misguided plan in action, much to my dismay, through tears of laughter my mum YELLED “She’s probably off to the bathroom now!!”
Other embarrassing things:
Rolling an ankle in public alone.
Having paid for a customised number plate with your name on it and the 3 means e.
Watching The Block religiously and enjoying it (I do this, but it is embarrassing to admit)
Being a twin — I find it awkward enough If I’m wearing a matching dress with a friend. Imagine if someone was walking around with a matching face!!
Things to consider this week (Mark Manson does this in his newsletters so I am too):
What’s embarrassing to you? Why?
What does it mean that I saw 3 men I’ve dated 3 years ago in random places 3 weekends in a row?
If you feel like poop, ask yourself, have I washed my face lately?
Are we done with house plants? (I am)
FEEDBACK
“You’re newsletter is too long, I didn’t read it” - one of my closest friends, of whom I mentioned in the newsletter but she will never know.
AUGUST UPDATES
I had a Bit Role in Mon & Han’s ‘Touch’, a TV series funded by Screen Australia, a comedy about an all-female Touch Football League and the relationships between the girls. Creators of The Formal, out next year.
I went to the snow, it’s expensive, exhausting and resilience building; my butt is still sore. It’s also the best.
I used my work perks. I casual teach which means I can teach in any Primary School in the state. I went and taught at school in the country near my bfs family farm for a few days. I’ve heard so many teachers say, it’s a great job because you can do it anywhere. But DO you do it anywhere? Most people stay put. Let’s use our job perks.
Getting my wisdom teeth out in two weeks. So this is the last wise newsletter. Any advice for recovery is welcomed.
LISTENING:
How Others Dads Dad with Hamish Blake and "Rac" I'm not a dad, nor do I plan on being one but obsessed with the enthusiasm guest, "Rac" speaks with.
READING:
Nothing.
I’ve been terrible with reading, someone recommended a book and then snatch my phone from silky mitts before bed please.
SEEING:
Sydney Comedy Fringe shows!! Fringe is on this month so look at this booklet and chose a show that tickles your fancy and go support some upcoming comedians/ performers. It might be crap or it could be the best thing you’ve seen all year.
Watch me Improv:
The infamous Drywall with a new format:
15th September (Today) 7- 8pm
October 13th - Halloween themed show 8-9, possibly 7-8 as well but tbc
October 27th 7-8pm.
Listen to me:
On the Radio every Tuesday
Poems from the Archives
Love yas!!
Love, Jacqui
MWAH