Public pooping, is it for you? It's for me.
I like pooping in public. In a public toilet I mean! Not on the street! I’m not a dog.
People love pooping in their own home. Not me.
I want to poop then exit the vicinity. I want to blow some pipes, never to return. I want the local library to be calling 1800-I-need-a-plumber as I walk out of a revolving door in slow motion, slipping my sunglasses off my hairline to the tip of my nose, swinging my hips as “Maneater” by Nelly Furtado plays.
The pooping-in-own-home people, I get it. You’re not a confident person.
Kidding! You just want to poo in peace, relax and take as long as you want.
But no. Not for me. I don’t want to live in my own stink. And, if I’m home, someone I love is there with me. I don’t wanna do that to them. I don’t want them to have to hear the reason “plop’ became an onomatopoeia from the adjacent room. I don’t want to detonate a bomb then stay in the same building to finish my bolognese. That’s madness! I wanna drop and get outta there. I believe the Fireies call it Stop, Drop and Go.
Other than my own home, the personal bathroom option I have is my bfs sharehouse where at times 5 people can be sharing the same bathroom. I’m not an inconsiderate swine. I’ll take a public toilet just fine.
But I’m fussy about which public toilets... I want a nice one.
List of a few faves:
Marrickville library
Greenwood Plaza, between Typo and my brow place.
The bathroom in the corridor near Woolworths Crowsnest.
Matinee Cafe bathroom (also great for a mirror selfie, see below)
Whichever public school I work at that day. Shoutout to Epping PS, solo cubicles next to the deputies offices, getting a beating Mon-Wed 8.45am.
Grandmas outside Dunny, Asquith, Pacific Highway (whether she’s home or not)
Springwood Park public toilets (always shockingly okay)
The Phoenix Woollahra, if the pangs strike on a sunny cider arvo.
In relational psychology, being a public pooper makes me more of an ‘insulator family person’, than a ‘greater good person’. And by this I mean, I am willing to spare the people in my home from the wrath of my wafts, but not the public, the poignant plumes. I’ll elaborate…
Here is my theory:
There are two types of people in the world, and that is ‘Immediate Relationship People’,
and the ‘Greater-Good People’. And you’re rarely both. (this is based on nothing other than my own observations of people around me).
For me, I’m more of an ‘immediate relationship’ person. I am constantly trying to do both but when shit hits the fan, I fall back on making sure my Immediates are all good, rather than the world.
What are you?
Immediate relationships people:
Will come pick up a family member if their car is broken down but forget to bring a keep cup to the cafe.
Will buy the most thoughtful gift for the besties, won’t attend a human rights march they care about because a friend is in town.
Will smile to strangers in public but wont repost civil liberties videos.
Will throw the best hens weekend for their sister but the matching swimming caps all guests received were from Temu - SORRY! EEK! I WAS NEVER GOING TO REVEAL THAT.
Greater good person:
Will head a feminist organisation but not call their mum back for 3 days.
Complain about going to family event or just miss it all together and use their weekend to scuba dive for rubbish in the ocean.
Will know who is running for what party in the election and what they stand for. Will not know their friends birthday date or what they want for it.
Are vegetarian, has never messaged someone and made solid plans to catch up.
Does that explain it? The two types of people. We need both! For sure! Neither is right or wrong, just something I’ve noticed… what do you think?
People fighting for the world to be a better place for all (and forgetting to tell their partner there whereabouts) and people making family & friends feel loved, so they can fight for the world to be a better place because they know they are loved (but never signing that petition).
Or maybe you straddle both? If so - I’m impressed!!
There’s only so much capacity in these lil big brains of ours. And personally, the majority of my long term memory is taken up by my friends and fam bits & quality public poopin' spots.
FAT MARCH UPDATES
In high school 3 of the 9 girls in my clique are born in March, so we named it Fat March. This is because since 2009 gorgeous Sammy B would bake a cake for each one of us on our birthday and we would be eating the leftovers at school for the week following. SO in the month of march we would be having cake virtually every day. We were also doing a hundred activities, so the calendar was FULL (aka fat) and we would be paying FAT cheques to do all the celebrations. Nothing has changed 12 years since HS and I have been BUSY being the immediate relationship person I am, and celebrating.
Been tuning into survivor, it is objectively an excellent reality tv show.
I did an “Amazing Co” Picnic. Jack was performing a show in Bathurst for two weeks while I was in Syd so we met halfway in the blue mountains on the weekend. I booked us this “amazing co’ picnic and I FREAKING LOVED It. You answer clues on your phone (they were incredibly easy) and travel to a destination e.g. a Deli and then say your name and they give you a package of cheeses or drink, or relish, or choccy for you to put in your esky, ready for your final destination to have a picnic and devour all. I slid into the first stop nervous to say my name for fear the casual 14 year old girlie working at the Deli would be like what are you talking about? And a kerfuffle would ensure. But she smiled and gave me my package which felt free (even though I had prepaid $150 to do the experience) and I was SKIPPING and whistling into every stop from there forward and fussing about, flapping my arms deciding which pie I get and whether I eat it hot now, or save it for later and flirting with the retailers and gossiping with the townies and seeing places I would have never had bothered to enter if my lil word-play clue hadn’t told me to. WOULD recommend. They do friend group ones and date ones. It is also how Springwood Public Toilet entered my list.
Listening
Texas Hold em - Beyonce (obvs). Plus Jacob Collier's new stuff is cool, but also when I listen to him too much I have to suddenly stop forever, never to listen to it again. Does this happen to anyone else?
Diary of a CEO - Neuroscientist Dr Tara Swart,
Why we think the way we do is always so fascinating. So heres another one to think about.
WATCH LIVE COMEDY
Sydney Comedy festival is on in April! There is so much to see! Take a chance on a new comedian/ performer..
Here are the people I will be aiming to see! A list of performers that I think are hilar or will be worth watching! I haven't seen any of these shows yet, all my comments are just vibes of their past shows. Read the real reviews/ bio's through the links.
ALEX REYNOLDS – SCRUM Drag King, hilarity.
ALLY MORGAN – HARD LAUNCH Musical comedisque
BEN KOCHAN - WINNING SMILE Aussie Seinfeld standup
CHRIS RYAN – GOOD-O Mum of teenage boys and hilarious.
CLAIRE ROBIN – NUN SLUT I have no idea what Claire has in store for us here, but her ability to keep a straight face when being absurd is outstanding.
DANIELLE WALKER - THE LADY UPSTAIRS Country girlie does cute & clever standup
ELOUISE EFTOS – AUSTRALIA’S FIRST ATTRACTIVE COMEDIAN It's all in the title. Guaranteed a fun, silly evening with Elouise. He can do it all - High end variety show in the most complimentary way.
FREDDIE MCMANUS – REMIND ME LATER A pro. Sets so tight, his nickname should be spandex.
HOT DEPARTMENT Sketch comedy icons.
JAMES KEHOE – LONG DISTANCE A comedic play, I was thoroughly tickled by when I saw it last year. James is famously kind & Doordash-Ad famous.
KARATE MAN – A LIVE-ACTION VIDEO GAME Been trying to get to this show for its last few runs! So keen to see it. Interactive, but the good kind - no show is the same. Side note: All performers are excellent Bball players.
LAUREN BONNER – IMAGINE HAVING ANYTHING AT ALL On Laurens podcast she once said something along the lines of, in an exasperated manner, "can't a girl just do whatever she feels like whenever she feels like it?!" Which I relate to in my bones. See August newsletter last year for more.
MARCEL BLANCH-DE WILT – LET ME EAT CAKE Marcel is a standup and crowd work king. I once watched him improv an entire 60 minute solo show and left with sore abs.
MEL & SAM – HIGH PONY Icons in every possible way.
ROHAN ARNEIL – TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN The ol' school stand up from likeable tall guy.
RUBY TEYS – DOG C*NT Storyteller like no other with facials you can't look away from or understand. Madness in comedy form.
THE AUDITION ROOM - This one is so silly. I love it - also maker of the funniest vid I've ssen this year. Anything could happen in the Audition room.
THE BEAR PACK - The best improv comedy you will ever see.
Wow, that's a lot and it took me a while to link things. So you better go see one.
WATCH ME!
Big House Every Friday Night!! My team Drywall is playing next on
Love yas!
Love Jacqui.