April newsletter - But it's July?!
Hello gorgy friends!!
I have missed you! And you have missed me! I haven’t given you a newsletter since March (!!!) However, I did write one in April… which I then discarded because it didn't fit in my brand of happy-go-lucky-all-the-time. I feared sounding ungrateful and whiney and I still need people to like me. So I didn't send it.
But guys - we gotta be REAL and that’s life baby and we all know this, so Ima shut up and get talking.
This newsletter was written in April and I no longer feel this way!!:
I’m going through a bout of doubt. Of my own talents and successes.
And even allowing myself to write that, has relieved the pressure a little bit. I have ‘time’ at the moment (something I always complain about not having enough of). But when I have unbooked time and I’m in charge of it (I’m not working full-time rn because it is school holidays), I feel it’s hard to make the most of it. I’m much better at slipping productivity into the corners of my life rather than filling whole days. I have whole days.
And yet, I feel like I have too many tabs open in my life and in my brain but I’m not working on any of them hard enough. Ambition hey… But what to ambite?? You guys know the feels. Jacq of all trades, master of none.
My head is the Luna Park Vortex spinning into deep ‘What’s this life's purpose?’ loops instead of just enjoying the ride, sticking to the wall and trying to impress the boy, who invited you to his 14th birthday party, by defying gravity by flipping upside down. (Ha! No boy invited me to his 14th birthday party. And I made it sound like was! I didn’t know any boys, except for my cousin. And that’s okay.)
Maybe I’m not here on earth, in this one precious life, to be a STAR- like I sometimes imagine I was (/am?), but insteaddddd (drum roll plz) to facilitate other people's dreams.
I can think of a handful of times where I have helped others realise what they want and helped them follow that ache. And the way I tend to do this is by trying out their (at the time, unknown) dream myself, then inviting them in and realising they’re much more of a higher-ranking candidate at this “want” than I am.
It’s like I find a fun disco, start partying, invite a friend to “get on in here for a boogie”, my friend is in awe of this disco venue, and stays there boogying all day and night. And golly gosh don’t they look good getting down.
I dance with them for a while but then once I hit a certain threshold of body roll, I leave the disco and head to another one. The new one might be more like a sit-down-dinner and cocktail party which, of course, I also enjoy. But my friend is still dancing at the disco that I had invited them into, thriving, slut-dropping, polka-dotting, country-fiving, hip, hop, hip. I’m a hoedown, stones-throw-down the street at a new bar, while they are now awarded a dance captain of the original disco.
And I’m proud of that!
But what disco party am I the dance captain of?
Am I making any kind of analogical sense?
Basically, I get some new creative pursuit, pursue it for a bit then move onto the next one, while people in the field I started in are becoming experts in that field… Lead principals in ‘Hamilton’, Assistant Principals in schools, Presenters on radio and ‘Rent’ actual Dance Captains, who no longer rent.
Will I be the dance captain of… Theatre? Improv? Singing? Teaching? Writing? Poetry? All-in-Wedding attendee?
When I write it out like that it feels silly that I’m sharing that I have doubt because I’m basically saying I CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS, POOR ME. But honestly, do I do any of them well? or am I just doing them?
DON’T ANSWER THAT.
Example 1
I once had a blog called, “Don’t date me, I’ll write about it (please date me).” No need to look it up, it’s objectively bad. It was COVID and I needed a creative outlet - I wrote true, frivolous dating stories. I read some just then, and they all read like over-chewed and sauceless chicken.
But go lil me for being vulnerable and putting silly creative stuff out there. The best thing that came from this, is my friend, Bridget discovering her own love for writing. She was my number one fan and read my articles each month and gave me considered feedback, and then started her own writing journey. And guess what!! She is about to publish a NOVEL. A golly gosh darn novel! Not only that, she has written maybe 6-7 fantasy books while she was on school holidays over the course of 2 years (teacher girly killing it). You can follow her journey here (@bwdeenwrites) (an account she made months ago and has already gained 5700 followers). She is self-publishing her first romance novel “Golden Burn” come October. And I am so, so proud of her and chuffed to be a little seed in her writing journey. Her website in the links above and you can pre-order her book here.
I let “don’t date me” slip into the internet sinkhole never to be resurfaced. Except maybe the article titled ‘I kissed my sister's boyfriend”.
FINE OKAY I’LL PUT A SNIPPET HERE.
…We both go for a kiss on the cheek. Confidently. Very confidently. We both go for a kiss on the cheek, extremely confidently. And there, in my living room. Well-oiled and a bit sweaty from dancing. With my little sister at arms-length, I kiss him. He kisses me. I kiss my sister’s boyfriend. Landing like an ibis on a child’s left-out lunchbox in the playground, confident and fearless, our kiss had arrived bang-smack in the middle of each other’s lips. We lock eyes in horror. I am suddenly sober. I had gone for the left cheek, him the right. And now we are here. I knew what his lips felt like. Kinda soft with a taste of salt.
My family reminisced on this moment a week ago. And I have since been cleared of all damages, since my sisters-then-boyfriend-now-fiancé has smooched a plethora of other women since our accidental snog. He’s no cheater, he just has an incredibly bad kiss-hello-style, and wish him all the best with greeting his guests at his very own wedding next year.
Example 2:
Jarryd Prain came to one of my standup gigs in 2023. Post-show, in the courtyard of the Chippo Hotel, we yes-and-ed each other's stories to the point of doubled-over laughter. And by the 8th bit, it was decided, Jarryd would be a Standup Comedian. He was funny, he was gay and he was inspired. So he entered the RAW Comedy Competition. The biggest comedy competition in Australia… He won his Sydney heat, the Sydney final and the was crowned the title of Best Raw Talent Comedian in NSW—his standup set filmed and broadcasted on SBS.
Now he is killing it in comedy rooms all around Sydney, a known stand-up comedian, in da scene. All because of me!! And I bring it up to him every time I see him, and he graciously allows me to have the title of Facilitator of His Dreams (even though he has done all the work, and I think he actually did standup before he watched me, but just picked it up again after watching my set, and puts in the time and effort to write, tinker and nail hilarious stuff, it’s all very impressive).
That Raw Comedy competition that Jarryd won, was the last standup set I have ever done… Tehe! Sounds so dramatic, but it wasn’t on purpose. It wasn’t like I bombed. I am simply a toddler with a toy and I had a play and now I’m done and want a new one. Which is very annoying of me, if I do say so myself. I like standup, I like it because it’s performing without asking permission to do so. (Unlike Musical Theatre which is an audition slog), I feel like I’ve been working in zi Theatre all year but then I remember it’s just been auditions and callbacks and no actual jobs.
Example 3
Comedy works in 3s, so I need to think of another time I have found someone else's passion for them, then effed off. But I can’t right now. And maybe that’s why I was never gonna make it as a standup comedian or writer anyway.
hehe
APRIL UPDATES
My sister got married!!!!! It was the best day. Jack was MC and the room was left without a roof, the vibrations of the chortles shook the ceiling support beams so hard they trembled off and floated into the air never to be returned. So now I’m becoming his manager and he’ll be a corporate MC, a title I’ve made up, but I do imagine exists somewhere.. And leads, throw the dog a bone.
My other sister got engaged!!! He had the ring in his pocket for 5 months, like wow the weight of that diamond getting heavier with each minute, he was walking with a sideways limp by the time he dropped to one knee, and I’m still unsure if it was a conscious decision or he dropped purely because of the weight in his pocket. No, no, it was perfect, considerate, sweet, thoughtful. It was so exciting I kissed him on the lips. This time on purpose.
I accidentally spent a house deposit on a facial and retinal purchase.
Flew BUSINESS CLASS because I bought a qantas credit card at the beginning of the year and have been bouncing it on any pay machine I pass.
I want to do more singing gigs and Kids Theatre. And since I wrote a whole newsletter about the power of asking… I should follow my own advice. And this is me asking the readers and the ether, to think of me when these things arise.
I’m also a phone addict. Should I do a 10 day silent retreat to rid myself of these burdens?????
I was so excited, I got a haircut that cost me $38 !!!!! Cut, wash and blowdry - that I’m obsessed with. I was so excited and told everyone I knew for a day after, until I remembered I had already paid a $60 deposit. (The same day I got it!) Still pretty good in this day and age… Usfin, it’s a vibe.
I always get a good car park and that’s my one talent, that I am unjustifiably proud of and I will never take that away from myself.
BACK TO PRESENT DAY:
What’s on?
Improv show - Morning show on this Wednesdy night Petersham (Tomorrow) I may have a comp for you, message me if you want it.
You can actually see a close up of my whole gollygoshdarn face in the movie Fall Guy which I worked on in 2023 Summer. Like, it is undoubtedly me. Children I teach have said “Miss Bramwell, are you in a movie?” and when I have replied yes they’re like “I knew it!”
There’s no way their parents believed it was their teacher. Why would they? Their teacher on the big screen between Emily Blunt and Ryan Gosling, yeah right! “Yes darling, she probably does look like your teacher.”
REC
Go to Italy.
Also enjoyed this interview with Kirby fun relatable bits about improv at the beginning and Kirby & I share a similar lens of life.
BYE
LOVE YA’s