you gon get it when you get it
hi everybody!
okay addressing the sizable elephant in the room no this is not on schedule no this was not sent out on Monday yes this is being sent out approximately on Saturday but can we all smile and laugh and be happy that it is being sent out at all? thank you.
hello. I’m here because I love and owe you one of these but also I do like this enough to do it for the sake of doing it, thankfully.
is there a new post? yes and I am linking it here. it’s about challengers 🙂↕️ which we should all have expected to come at some point so now it is here. I actually had to pull up the movie to cross reference and confirm my theories and honestly I am going to write a scene by scene commentary with timestamps because I have So. Many. Thoughts. about that movie. and in fact, I will be doing that! so keep an eye out 👁️
I’m writing this at home and I am not at the Zach Fox show that is currently happening at this very time in Hollywood which I really wanted to go to after watching this recent set of his. I’ve seen all of his sets at this point and he’s getting exponentially better at this at every one so I am sad to be missing out on this show but in the words of Gloria Gaynor, I will survive. (hey hey)
why didn’t I send this on Monday? I started my period. that should say enough. honestly maybe one of my worst first-day-of-my-periods yet. my cramps were so bad that I was seriously going to vomit. but moving on,
what on earth is going on
I’m chilling and I’m happy. I’m laughing and smiling and giggling and playing and experiencing childlike joy. I’m vibing. I’m chilling. I’m cool.
but really everything is pretty chill. ceramics is not my friend right now and I was actually throwing garbage on the wheel on Monday during class. you don’t throw for two weeks and it’s like you’ve never used your hands before. it is very aggravating. but i’m not giving up! (for now)
honestly there needs to be more sympathy and empathy for quitters cuz they’re really onto something sometimes. like maybe I just don’t wanna do something anymore. and I don’t want to see it through. does that make me a quitter that never wins? no. it makes me a quitter that’s looking to win something else. and that’s maybe the rawest and realest thing you can do.
but i’m not quitting, now. maybe later. I do, genuinely, have other things I want to win that are not any of these things. let me reaffirm that
I reserve the right to be wishy-washy and inconsistent
and that maybe I’m letting go of this as a hobby. and maybe I’m letting go of some of the community I have built. I kinda just have better things going for me and stronger relationships and skills and routines that I want to nurture and develop and ceramics and the time it consumes just takes away from that. and I say this about basically everything I have ever been into, but I’m over it. I want other things. I’m tired of making stuff and not being in love with it and having it sitting around my house. I want all of this out of my house. maybe that’s the biggest issue here, I’m just sick of having this stuff in my house. I think all of my issues boil down to simple things like that.
I suddenly don’t like ceramics → I’m accumulating so much waste and stuff → I have stuff sitting all around my house → I’m sick of having all this stuff in my house → I should just throw out the stuff. and there it is! the downward arrow technique always helps, thank you therapy!
I think that my infatuation with becoming a teacher is also this sort of issue. really, I just want to have a classroom at my job again. like, more than anything else. it’s kinda the number one reason I’m still at my job, I am staying out of pure spite to get my classroom back once the charter school finally leaves. and once I get that classroom, who knows how long I’ll stay. I might have it for a couple of months and be completely satisfied with the work I’ve done and move onto another chapter in my life. because I got the one thing I wanted: a room to decorate.
moving on…
I’ve been watching Industry on HBO (incredible show btw. whoever called it succession if succession was euphoria you deserve all of their advertising budget) and I’m just wishing I could have someone leave me like half a million dollars in their will so I can buy a house to live in and have my friends stay with me occasionally. like Robert is cursed in every possible way a person could be, but that’s the one thing from his life I really want and need.
I’ve also been watching/listening to the Upstairs Neighbors podcast and Dom (one of the hosts) has such a beautiful LA home that I’m kinda ripping my hair out. I want a beautiful LA home. where’s my beautiful LA home? I’m sick.
but my sliver of California is not so bad. summer is over, evident by the cold morning mist and fog over the mountains and skyline. but trust and believe, it will be hot as balls next week because for whatever reason we can only have nice weather if it is immediately followed by the hottest and most unbearable weather possible.
but the fires are nearly over and the air is clear and it’s nice and cold and wet in the mornings and you just have to smile. EVERYTHING TO SMILE ABOUT IN MY LIFE!!!
but yes, these are the updates. I will get better about taking pictures but I am so not a pictures girl.
I leave you with this:
thank youuuu.
I hope you're having a good day. take care of yourself, bye-bye! <3