Intentional Society: Recursive safety and freedom
There will be an orientation call this Saturday, 1:00-1:55pm Pacific Standard Time (4pm Eastern, 9pm UTC)
Intentional Society is making an appearance on The Stoa on the 28th! Register here for the (3pm Pacific, 6pm Eastern, 11pm UTC) interactive session.
If I feel a little nervous and averse to writing about something, that's probably a good signal for me to lean into it, right? Especially if that makes the case in point recursively, because the thing itself is about holding back.
The moment itself was Sunday, while Circling near the end of our latest IS session. The topic of privilege arose within the group, and I could feel myself constrict as my nervous system perked up to the possible dangers. Privilege intersects with very real and personal differences among us — of skin color, of socioeconomic status, and gosh wokeness & DEI is just about the hottest front of the current culture wars. Was it safe to talk about this, in this space, for all present participants? Would diving in push unwanted emotional labor onto non-white participants, maybe further reify the identity-label-based frames that can themselves be charged? Were there "rules" of expression we weren't conscious of?
To those questions, there were probably as many answers as there were people present. And we were running out of time, and we were in a large-group configuration, and... it was probably unclear to what extent "time out" was available when the practice of Circling explicitly tries to bring every kind of reaction "in bounds" and workable. But people can still freeze up while Circling, I've seen it and experienced it myself.
I, at least, was feeling held back somewhat by my own nervous system response — which means I was then less attuned to sensing others and holding the space as facilitator. We said a few things and wrapped up, but it felt muddled to me, not fully in integrity with the kind of presence and culture of the we-space that I want to inhabit with each other in this community.
This points me toward the usefulness calling a session-level time-out, relative to our current core practices series, to explore the safety and freedom of our container, the recursive meta-level of safety and trust when it doesn't feel safe, and the whole phenomenon. There is likely fertile ground in this territory regardless of how anyone who was-or-wasn't there was-or-wasn't feeling at any particular moment. (Relevant reference: Malcolm's Non-Naive Trust Dance)
There can be great, sensible reasons for not belting out "our truth" in a particular context with whatever associated consequences. Yet there are ways to reside in a spacious, secure and grounded space of being even when navigating trust questions and murky contexts. That place can be "up a level" or two of meta-ness, to find or remain in that space of integrity and coherence. Learning to do that, be there, notice and recover it, more fluently seems so very useful to stretch toward.
Cheers,
James