Intentional Society: Accepting not-okayness
(No orientation scheduled currently... let me know if/when you want one?)
I think I started getting a little attached to knowing what to do? In the last two weeks I've made remarks like, "oh the seasonal cycle is coming together and looking so solid" and then, this week I've had a few doubts about practical operational details (crew formation this week or next, or partial sessions split across two weeks) and somehow that's had a bit of an angsty texture me the last few days.
So this is me talking to myself again, maybe talking to that part of me. Which part? The part that thinks that there's a right answer. Or that I could make optimal decisions. Or that goodness depends on decisions I make, which, that's kind of an unconscious scope limiter right there. What I want to say to that part is:
This isn't a test, this is improv. The only thing you need to "do" or get right is to invite other people to play, without disempowering them or putting it all on yourself. That's all, and you can relax about trying to somehow "give" everyone an optimal experience because why were you thinking that was possible anyway?
When we do a crew formation session, there will be some people who aren't there to join a crew. Okay! That's just plain okay. Yes there could be inverted improv games to play - making it a "saying no" practice exploration, or playing cultural anthropologist studying the people forming crews, etc etc but that's not the point. It's just all okay anyway, as-whatever-happens-happens.
There can be better or worse facilitation, as judged by myself or any other person. The acceptance at the heart of Intentional Society isn't saying "any outcome is equally good" (although letting go of outcome fixation can be quite useful in some contexts), it's saying that "what is, is" and "anything that is present and true can be worked with."
Some folks say re IFS, "parts want to dissolve." I think that feels pretty true to me and points to integration in general. Having a part with an old worry is true, it's there, it's okay, and each conversation with it is on the path to greater integration. A deep thing underneath "it's okay to not be okay" (recursively) is that that's exactly what things need to relax, unwind, and shift.
My experience of that particular graspy part is that it's relieved when it sees that it can let go of the thing it's grasping. Maybe yours isn't convinced, or is at one of a dozen other relational places, maybe it won't listen to you if you say "it's okay" but, I hope you can hold some okay-ness on the outside for it anyway - for the not-okay-ness just as much as any other part of the ever-evolving process that is you, me, us.
Cheers,
James