You know how when you've put something off for a while, you feel like you have to do it extra-amazingly to make up for the delay?

That's how I've been feeling about writing this newsletter.

I know that most of you aren't paying attention to how often you hear from me. But when it's been a blue moon or so, I still have a voice telling me and now this has to be the best newsletter that ever newslettered because some people are paying for this and it's supposed to be worth the investment!

Then there's the "I'm not reliable" narrative, because it's not the first time I've failed to deliver on a promised project. (Cue the internalized ableism.)

And of course, I also have to ask for money, but I don't want it to seem like that's the only reason I write to you, because I've asked for money often. But also some of you want to support me financially, and you don't see my social media posts. So it is the reason I'm finally making myself do this, despite the "I don't have anything good enough to say" self-talk.

Let's be clear: I have not given up on Impure Leftist. I still have A LOT of plans for this work. What I have been doing is parenting a toddler through a traumatic custody upheaval, navigating the violence of family court, moving, and managing my mental health through one crisis after another. Now life is finally starting to settle down, and my child and I are physically safe again after the tide finally turned in the case. Our trial is set for November 16, and we're settling into a routine as life becomes as "normal" as it can right now.

Meanwhile, things nationally and globally are... not going very well. And I feel guilty that I haven't had the bandwidth to keep up with what's happening, let alone do "out in the world" activism. The writing I have been doing is more personal and, for now, private. I do want to bring more of myself and my story into this space. For now, I'm figuring out how to come back sustainably while I'm still heavily frayed around the edges.

That's where you come in.

Some of you found your way here from my previous list, Vibrant Vulnerability. (And as always, you're welcome to unsubscribe if the new direction isn't your vibe.) Others were drawn in by something you saw about Impure Leftist and/or the Anarchist Book Club. Either way, what would be most helpful for you right now? What kind of support do you need for your own activism and filling your well of hope in the throes of late-stage capitalism? What's your biggest frustration when it comes to making meaningful change, locally or on a large scale? Who do you want to be able to work with and what's getting in the way?

Those are not the only questions I want to hear the answers to, but they're a powerful start. Maybe once you get going, you'll have some other ideas and reflections to share. Right now, I want to lean into creating community here. A core group of people who are passionate about shifting the tide of humanity toward equity, justice, and mutual support. Doing the inner work so that we can make waves without capsizing, while growing relationships that help us navigate conflict effectively. I want a collective of people ready to build coalitions that last, and the structures that will help us survive oligarchy while dismantling it piece by piece. Visioning the future we all need and constructing it one step at a time.

That's not small, or easy. But it is necessary. And we know (because we've tried!) that we can't do this shit alone.

If you want to be along for the ride, amazing. Please share this newsletter with someone who you want to build a better world with. And if you're able to financially support me, I'm trying to raise $10,000 to get through the next two months of family court while re-launching Impure Leftist. Most of that money will go toward legal fees, and some toward bills and living expenses. I urgently need about $4,000 just to get caught up on legal costs and re-filling the trust account that's already been spent.

You can give annually, monthly, or one-off:

• Annual subscription to Impure Leftist is $70

• Monthly subscription is $7, or you can donate a custom amount on ko-fi

• One-time gifts can be made on my fundraiser, or via paypal, venmo, or cashapp ($natsmith89)

If you have a few minutes, I'd also love to hear your answers to the questions above or any other thoughts! I'm a little giddy about diving back in and I've had a lot of time to reflect about this work while I've taken space from it. Thank you, again, for being on this list & showing up as a changemaker in a world that wants you to accept a status quo determined by powerful wealth hoarders. You're my hero.

Much love,

Nat