Nurture, violence, and collective liberation
If you've ever tried to grow an email list, you've probably heard about the “nurture sequence.” It's a tactical series of emails meant to get a new lead to buy. It's also very similar to how politicians try to win us over, and how the new person you're dating will attempt to get on your good side.
Everything in the world, really, comes down to nurture. How we nurture our relationships. Our planet. Our communities. Our bodies. Our children. How we are “nurtured”—genuinely or otherwise—by governments, corporations, religions, media, and influencers.
Many systems around us have learned how to mimic genuine nurture. And this isn't always a bad thing. After all, infant formula saves many lives in the modern world (though it might take at least as many because of predatory marketing). And there are plenty of businesses that want to build real connections with their customers and offer services that truly improve your life, rather than suck your last dime out of the dredges of your soul. But in practice, we’re often surrounded by capitalist substitutes for meaningful nurture, instead of being plugged into the real thing.
Humans have a deep need for belonging. When we lack the intimate, supportive community that feeds this part of us, we are easier to manipulate, and less effective in our activism. Many of us try to make up for an inner sense of rejection and loneliness by throwing ourselves into our work—and activism is a particularly attractive option when we lack meaning and belonging in our personal lives. Of course, it can be a wonderful way to connect with others; the important thing is that we lay sustainable foundations. The quickest way to burn out is to lean on complex, amorphous systems to find validation and satisfaction. If anything, this is work where we must have great wells of emotional resilience to keep going in the face of defeat.
So how can we cultivate genuine nurture—and discern how, and where, to find it?
Nurture can come from within. Self-compassion, re-parenting, and many other forms of spirituality or healing work can be done on our own.
Nurture thrives in authentic relationships. The freer you are to be yourself, to show your real fears, and to be vulnerable, the more you're able to share and receive nurture—including asking for what you need.
Nurture is additive. When we nurture others, they have more to give. This isn't an invitation into endless self-sacrifice, or giving more than we can spare. It's all too common to pour ourselves into people who don't reciprocate, while hoping that eventually they will. But in communities that hold deep nurture as a core value, it multiplies over time in wonderful and unexpected ways. The key is shifting from a transactional mindset to one of collective care, and collective liberation.
We will not heal our violent world if we are not healing our hearts and our homes. The same authoritarian, fascist principles on display globally are reflected in the violence, abuse, and oppression that we see on a much smaller scale all around us—down to the harsh and vindictive way that we speak to ourselves. I'm not saying that we have to fix everything internally before we can make a difference externally; far from it. My point is that strong, nurturing relationships, including with ourselves, are at the center of a movement for change that does more than resist destruction. These are the essentials that allow us to build alternatives to capitalist systems, and create structures of collective power for collective liberation.
Next time you notice someone trying to “nurture” you into giving them your money or attention, take a moment to check in with yourself. Connect with your body. Do you really want what they're offering? Or do you just want to feel connected and meaningful?
Maybe there's a more genuine option to nurture your soul, and be a part of something that matters.
Much love,
Nat
PS. I received some big news about my DV case recently, and it's more urgent than ever that I stay on top of my legal bills. I'm $300 short on my latest bill that was due Friday. If you're able to support my baby and me, I'll be wildly grateful!