Watching All These Re-Open The Country Protests
Except instead it’s about weaponizing the virus to crop dust all the chuds who are out here losing their minds and demanding everyone go back to work. This was a line item yesterday but it truly is something to see people who strap RPGs to themselves while shopping at Target because the founding fathers had absolutely accounted for weapons that could vaporize a deer from a half-mile away absolutely lose their minds because they can’t sit down at Carl’s Jr and fill a souvenir mug with mayonnaise as is their custom. Meanwhile Joe Rogan has access to reliable testing for the virus and it becomes kind of funny how nakedly broken everything is at the moment. Not that it was great before, but more in the “subtext has become the supertext” sort of way.
That being said, at least some people are showing respect for the situation:
Right…for health care workers. That’s why I’m doing something that makes it look like I just found out what a boat was earlier this morning. For support. Fine, I’m doing it because it looks rad as hell, but it can be supportive. Moments after this footage was taken the ship was swallowed by Charybdis, ancient monster of Greek mythology. Turns out that was a distress horn. Whoops.
Listen to this: Fiona Apple - Fetch The Bolt Cutters - available wherever you usually get music, but we’ll go with Apple Music.
Her first new album in nearly eight years, Fiona Apple’s latest one is something else. Recorded right in her Los Angeles home, it’s an oddly appropriate album for our cooped-up times. I don’t really have much to contribute except that I’ve already listened through it a handful of times since its Friday release, and I’m still sifting through everything, but what’s most striking is the energy that emanates from it, as it feels both meticulously constructed yet nearly completely improvisatory, the ambient noises of the home lending themselves to the recordings. Instead, check out this New Yorker profile as well as the New York Times’ review of the album.
The Fiona Apple album has the distinction of being the first new release to score a 10 from the (in)famous Pitchfork since 2010’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy from Kanye West. At least if you believe the propaganda, which is doing 1 erasure to this A SERIOUS MAN joke.
This is almost or as funny as the Sy Ableman/Super Smash Bros. mash-up, for the record. Eminently reasonable.
One more note on the shutdown idiots, but it’s stunning how short everyone’s collective memory is for this sort of word choice. Or who view “Mission Accomplished” as an un-ironic success, which might be even dumber somehow.
Your prayers have been answered, assuming your prayer was for some sort of papal simulator game. No, the one where you become a butterfly is a pupal simulator, this one thrusts you into the role as the newly-elected pope, white smoke and all, and congratulations you now have to lead the Roman Catholic Church.
This seems like a sincere thing, and not a parody, so it probably rules out GTA-style missions where you’ve got to pick up priests and secretly transfer them to other parishes without anyone noticing. Or like a Rampage: World Tour thing, but, you know, you’re the Pope.
Tomorrow is the debut of the new ESPN documentary about Michael Jordan, while spotlighting his last season with the Bulls and probably 0 of his seasons with the Wizards. The ten-part documentary will roll out in two-hour increments over the next five weeks, which is more math than I’ve had to do in about a month. As part of the rollout, ESPN has a great article about how the project finally came together, as the doc was culled from over 500 hours of footage that had sat in a vault since the 97-98 season awaiting some kind of approval from Jordan.
Finally, I’m glad someone’s asking the important questions:
