So...
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I took a bit of a break when the world compound fractured, and between kind of itching for the creative outlet and things probably never looking up again, what better time than now to bring you some more weirdness from the sewers of the Internet?
Also, Vincent Diesel released a song, presenting a real “if not now, then when?” type of scenario for a publication such as this. Even stranger than the beginning of that last sentence is the “and debuted it on Kelly Clarkson’s show in front of 100 flat-screen televisions” conclusion to it. Here’s Vin living his life a quarter note at a time:
Not to be outshone, his blood rival The “Dwayne Johnson” Rock announced today that he was going to endorse the Biden/Harris ticket, an unprecedented move for a guy whose career is pretty much fine-tuned to be as uncontroversial as possible.
Progress takes courage, humanity, empathy, strength, KINDNESS & RESPECT.
We must ALL VOTE: bit.ly/DJVote2020
No idea what this says about anything, except that if he were to actually run for office we’d all find out that he’s one of those weird bootstrap-y Republicans. Also, look at the guy, he looks like the test subject for new muscles that the Lord is trying out, every section perfectly spherical. His shirts would crush a normal person’s torso from the sheer pressure that it takes to keep those rockers (Rock knockers) in.
Watch This: CHEF’S TABLE: BBQ - Available via Netflix
Continuing my masochistic tendencies during this year, I barreled through this four-parter travel series that visits masters of the craft of taking big hunks of meat and smoking them up real good. Admittedly I skipped around first and started with the Americans featured on the show, but that’s because I’ve already consumed hours upon hours of Rodney Scott content on YouTube, and his restaurants in South Carolina are among the increasingly large list of places that I’d love to visit whenever…broadly gestures at everything this is all over.
The turn in this video is something else:
You think that the guy being described as the aspirational pooper is the one filming the video, and then the camera begins to follow the action and you find out that THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT THE CASE.
The folks who brought you the incredibly comprehensive history of the Seattle Mariners went and joined some other writers in forming the new site Secret Base, dedicated to just all sorts of odd cultural ephemera. Recently, they remembered the first-person mode in the classic, all-time GOAT football game NFL 2K5. I lost too many hours to that game, most of which were spent ripping CDs to the original Xbox’s hard drive so I could make a custom soundtrack, which more games need in this day and age. Imagine linking a streaming service of some kind and then just pulling down and trimming bits of songs, rather than figuring out how to convert your library to Windows Media Audio just so you can play Dave Matthews’ Band “I Did It” every time you get a sack.
The idea of venturing into the Ruth Bader Ginsburg Discourse is beyond exhausting (asking her to retire a literal decade ago was less sexism and more “trying to avoid this exact current hell”), but it’s good to still manage to find the bright spots:
remember when Ruth Bader Ginsberg was nominated for an MTV movie award for “best fight” against inequality and lost to Captain Marvel
The WrestleMania main was obviously the best, by the way.
There’s so much to hate in this one series of pictures that it takes a little while before you even recognize that you’re getting a pretty good deal, there’s way more than five eggs in the sack just get one.
Finally, I think anything past the hero image for the video is pretty much unnecessary, I’ve already spent an unhealthy amount of time laughing at just that. The fact that the video is also great is really just icing.
