But Wait, Before We Act Impulsively
One of the strangest phenomena of following politics is seeing the particular subclass of grifter known as The Reasonable Republican. A quick trip through most opinions sections in major papers will fill your eyeballs with all kinds of idiots who purportedly are just So Fed Up With Trump and if only the Democrats would nominate oh…I don’t know, basically a Republican whose brain isn’t the consistency of Go-Gurt, they’d really be able to win this thing. The part they’re upset about with Trump isn’t really many (or any) of his policies, just the comically stupid way he executes them, never failing to say the quiet part out loud.
Most recently these have been the same people saying “oh won’t someone please think of the economy??” in the face of a global pandemic, saying things like people would make more under a stimulus plan than at their minimum-wage jobs like it’s the stimulus that’s the problem. Anyways, here’s something from The Onion:
Watch This: GOOD TIME - available on Netflix
If you’ve seen UNCUT GEMS (if not it’s coming to Netflix next month and is also my recommendation for today what are you doing), you may be thinking how you can recreate the feeling of being incredibly secondhand anxious for someone else while watching a film. Luckily for you, the Safdie brothers have you pre-covered with their previous film. Starring Robert Pattinson (Connie Nikas). Starring alongside one of his co-directors Benny Safdie (his brother Nick), the pair attempt a heist, only for things to go…not-well, resulting in Nick getting hauled off to Riker’s Island. This sends Connie into a series of increasingly unwise decisions to try and get the money to bail his brother out, and me into a series of fits going “oh no…” while clenching everything. Hopefully at this point you’ve moved past dismissing Pattinson as “the TWILIGHT guy” (and Kristen Stewart as “the TWILIGHT lady” for that matter) but, if you haven’t seen any of his post-vampire work, start by checking this out.
I just found out about this and then spent an unreasonable amount of time guffawing at everything in this thread rather than send today’s mailer out early:
if you take the same path I did, the first time you have no idea where this is going, then you spend some time researching why it went where it did and then the next thirty minutes slapping your knee watching these.
While the unemployment numbers coming in are a mix of staggering and upsetting, I do have to admit seeing it visualized this way helped me appreciate it a little more, if only briefly.
Dril, whom you may know as one of the strangest, funniest people on Twitter, is running a sale on his first book, while at the same time releasing a second book. Responsible for countless great riffs, I think about this one often whenever I see pictures of the president being very into flags at his rallies.
another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
Since I only ever see his content in little bite-sized form, it is admittedly a little strange to see him in this format, but the humor still translates well across media.
If you’re stocking/producing these cards, I think just about anyone could have told you that it would be wise to overstock/produce a certain SKU, but then again greeting card companies would likely tend to hire people who are a little more wholesome and a little less online.
Personally it was a however-long-it-took-me-to-read-the-intro-standing question rather than long-standing, but a very interesting look at how to calculate the speed of the eagle in the postal service logo.
Finally, Louis CK released a comedy special today, and I was reminded of that because his newsletter comes out so infrequently that I think he was canceled since the last installment reached my eyeballs and, while I have a near negative-percent chance of checking it out, its release was worth it for this zinger.
