NEW YEAR, NEW ME, NEW MANIFESTO
IT IS A FACT, STILL KNOWN TO ALL AND YET STILL SELDOM ACKNOWLEDGED BY MOST, THAT COMIC BOOKS ARE THE SINGLE GREATEST STORYTELLING FORM MANKIND HAS EVER CREATED.
Do not take my word for it. Close your eyes, think back on the year that was, and feel it. Feel the cave; see in your mind's eye the paintings on its wall; feel the heat of the primordial fire from where all stories are born on your body. Now, your eyes still closed, turn your head and feel the gazes of those who have just seen the light, desperate to get in. Now open your eyes. This is the world. This is comics. This is 2022.
The monsters outside have familiar shapes; they are the long-established multinational publishing concerns destroying the ancient barters of the chummy small business owners that made the industry what it is; they are the venture-capital-funded start-ups fueled by the narcissistic id of those who dream of shaping the world in their image; they are the fly-by-night confidence tricks that turn gadgets and lies into cold hard cash. All that stands between them and you are us: the critics.
It feels like there are fewer and fewer of us; and worse, that most of that inglorious few do not want to be here. Poisoned by an ideology that would rather let people enjoy things than challenge any status quo, they stand ready and willing to parrot back whatever old platitude they heard last, they close themselves to the world, and wait for the reassuring sound of a feedback loop. They would give up, the way film critics have given up. Kill 'em all, and let the aggregators sort them out. Nothing matters but the .gif file they put next to your words. There is no room for "you" or "me" in this world. Just a void in the shape of our own Funko Pops.
Now, I don't know about you, but I did not launch a newsletter about new comic book releases and half-baked half-satirical commentary on comic book industry news from the comfort of an altogether excellent grey IKEA armchair to go gently into that good night. I did not launch the HUMBLE YOURSELF BEFORE COMICS project to make something easily digestible or repackageable. I want to be weird, confusing, and oftentimes alienating. I want to be challenging. I write with the sole intention of pleasing myself, and so far I have been very satisfied.
By no means am I saying that I am the last real comic book critic standing; that is for other people to say, and for me to quietly acknowledge some day near my death. But I am a comic book critic. I am real. And I am taking a stand. Let the coming year of comic book industry coverage speak for my ideals. It's going to be exigent and uncompromising. I will be demanding in all things, in the name of all that is good and great in the whimsical. I am here to kick ass, and I am here to take names. We are about making HUMBLE YOURSELF BEFORE COMICS.
So far I've been unstoppable. So far no one has dared tried to negotiate with me. Let the record show that I have not been wrong even once, as I had promised. If unyielding dedication to my principles winds up making me a nasty little hater, I will wear the hat with pride. Don't stand in my way. Watch a mind at work. It's HUMBLE YOURSELF BEFORE COMICS. Happy new year. All you can do is SUBSCRIBE. Please. The numbers do really help.