Relationships Unlock Power
On Monday I facilitated a community building circle for a group of educators in Queens. At the end of a long school day, just days from Spring Break, there was both restlessness and exhaustion in the air. It was hard for me to tell how effective the circles were, but I received feedback that the circles got staff members talking to each other who don't typically interact with each other.
This was not my original purpose for the circle, but I counted this as a win. By facilitating some new social links among staff, I hope it can lead to stronger relationships. This school, like every public school in New York City, needs strong relationships among its staff. The day to day work of teaching, particularly in an under-resourced community, is tough. And this school is in the midst of an effort to transform its culture and climate. That is only possible if the adults in the building respect each other and look out for each other. This is the power of relationships, whether as part of a school change effort, or organizing at large.
I saw this on full display earlier this week at a field day organized by Jews for Racial and Economic Justice (JFREJ). When JFREJ initially advertised the event, I naively thought it was just an invitation to take a break from the heady monthly discussions in our neighborhood groups and the taxing day to day activism (for ceasefire, for affordable home healthcare, for an equitable city budget...) that we do as an organization. Soon after I arrived at Central Park, I realized that JFREJ had other motives I had missed.
I had originally expected the activities to be a competition between neighborhood groups. But instead, we were divided into groups with a mix of people from other neighborhoods. I got a chance to meet people from Queens, Uptown Manhattan, and other parts of Brooklyn. As we talked and played games together, I realized that my web of relationships within JFREJ was growing. And hopefully the next time I am in the streets with JFREJ, I will see even more familiar faces. There's a refrain in activism, "We keep us safe." By giving me the chance to connect with more members of JFREJ, the organizers of Sunday's field day expanded who that "we" was for me, giving me greater confidence and security for future actions.
I am hoping to apply the lessons from these experiences to my work with organizing I am doing among white men. I have been a part of a group called Organizing White Men for Collective Liberation (OWMCL) since 2019. It has often felt slow and unsteady, and at other times nourishing and inspiring. Over the past five years, I have been grateful to see some relationships grow and steadily deepen. Unsurprisingly, the deepest relationships have been those that have been consistent and have allowed us to meet in person. But overall, relationship building has not always been easy. I haven't always prioritized it because I've been frustrated by feeling like the progress of our work has been too slow. I've also struggled to find ways to do it effectively with people who live far away.
I know from a recent survey of OWMCL members that relationship building must continue to be a priority. Many people expressed interest in in-person events, which I think is a proxy for wanting to get to know people better. Even as we find ways to bring people together face to face, we will also have to continue to explore ways to cultivate relationships online, and embedding opportunities to do so within meetings.
Ultimately, I know from my experience in schools and my participation in events like JFREJ's field day that relationships can't be an afterthought. And I trust that the men working to help OWMCL grow understand that too. Relationships are the foundation of trust. With trust we feel ready to take risks, show up for each other, and hold each other accountable. It can be hard to make time to get to know new people, and deepen relationships with those we already know. But when we take time to strengthen relationships, it unlocks our ability to do the most challenging and vital work of organizing.
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