a recipe for friendship 008
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what’s the formula for making friends? the equation gets more complicated when you subtract the city and add thirty years. i’ve had enough conversations in the past few months to know i’m not alone in the saturn-return-friendship-break-ups-era and life transitions. i’m a few years out from mine, and i’m sitting more deeply with redefining what friendship feels and looks like for me.
lately, it looks like reconnecting with old acquaintances and setting dates with the intention of becoming new friends, squeezing in a visit to germany to get to know my cousin as a mother and forge our own memories as adults, and hosting friends, up from the city, in my kitchen while we embrace the slower pace.
the hustle of the city has taught me that many of my relationships while beautiful and necessary, were made out of convenience. in the words of toni cade bambara, “not all speed is movement.” those relationships didn’t always have the depth of flavor that i needed to feel truly held. i’m now in a place in my life where friendship can’t happen in a microwave due to proximity. it has to be a choice, slow-cooked and built up layer by layer. this home is pushing me to try new recipes for friendship.
CITATIONS
»it may be lonely. certainly painful. it'll take time. we've got time. that of course is an unpopular utterance these days. instant coffee is the hallmark of current rhetoric.
but we do have time...not all speed is movement.«