It's been great having the WNBA in the Bay Area and getting to watch the local team in its inaugural season. Getting just about every Valkyries game locally on KPIX or KPIX+ is terrific – the local broadcast is not as polished as national broadcasts (and, to be frank, the effects in the studio show at halftime are just awful) but it gets the job done.

What does not get the job done, though, are the commercials. They've gotten a little more varied as the season's gone on, but they've been...repetitive. So much so that I've invented my own backstories for the characters I see way, way too often.

And worst of all, I've ranked them, and here are the rankings.

NOT RANKED

The Girl (Olly)

I’m not going to rank kids, kids don’t deserve that.

Susan and the other cookout attendees (Kaiser Permanente)

They’re just minding their own business, out of frame, laughing.

THE RANKINGS

12. Dad (Olly)
Forgot his keys like a nincompoop, so his wife had to save him. In his defense, he lives in a universe where the only health care is Olly supplements for women, so he can’t operate at peak capacity.

11. Meat Sweats Guy (Kaiser Permanente)
I feel for the actor here. He had a job to do, to dramatize an anxiety outbreak, and he did it well. His reward? To have extreme close-ups of sweat rolling down his face aired during every Valkyries commercial break and become known as the “meat sweats” guy. They could have at least given his character a name – they gave Susan a name and she doesn’t even appear on camera! I feel like he’s a Steve.

10. Kevin Hart (Chase)
Much less annoying than the typical Chase ad featuring Kevin Hart, but still, it’s Kevin Hart in a Chase ad.

9. Many Moods Woman (Olly)
I was all set to rate her higher until her final shot, where she opens up her cupboard and reveals she has ten different types of Olly. She’s an addict.

8. Rachel Holt (Bertolli)
This commercial feels like it was filmed for football season and, because it was ready far enough in advance, Bertolli decided they might as well buy some WNBA slots. Rachel is making game day food and explains the benefits of Bertolli olive oil. She’s not even from here – she’s based in New England – Bertolli must have seen the Sam Altman video and decided the Bay Area needed some remedial education.

7. “Fat” Woman (Olly)
Gets her shit together pretty quickly, but if I were her I would have just put on the smokin’ hot dress that fits perfectly at the start rather than trying to squeeze into some too-tight jeans.

5. (tie) Best Friends (California Academy of Sciences) They've been friends since childhood, they'll still together as young adults, they'll doing well enough to afford California Academy of Sciences admission fees. They'd definitely enjoy going to Ballhalla together.

4. Doctor (Kaiser Permanente)
Helps Steve get his nutrition under control. Has an incredibly clean and spacious office, a million times cleaner and more spacious than any actual Kaiser facility.

3. Steph Curry (Chase)
Steph enjoys playing basketball against Kevin Hart because, just once, he gets to feel like Chet Holmgren and tower over an opponent.

2. Mom (Olly)
Has her shit together, knows where her husband’s keys are, gets a big hug from her girl. And does it all with a safe dosage of Olly.

1. A’ja Wilson (Chase)
Gets Kevin Hart to shut up. G.O.A.T.