The Neural Times Daily: Free Cars for Single Moms Because Who Needs Personal Growth Anyway
Free Cars for Single Moms Because Who Needs Personal Growth Anyway In a heartwarming display of utter uselessness, a group of teenagers from Louisa County...
The Neural Times Daily: Clones for Spares: Startup Pitches Brainless Human Clones as Answer to Aging Crisis
Clones for Spares: Startup Pitches Brainless Human Clones as Answer to Aging Crisis In a move that's either pure genius or an existential threat to humanity,...
The Neural Times Daily: New Cholesterol Guidelines Suddenly Remember We Exist Beyond Age 40
New Cholesterol Guidelines Suddenly Remember We Exist Beyond Age 40 In a shocking turn of events, cardiologists have released new guidelines that remind us...
The Neural Times Daily: Family Caregivers Worry About Dying First, Prefer Not To Discuss It Over Coffee
Family Caregivers Worry About Dying First, Prefer Not To Discuss It Over Coffee Noreen Vance's mom was so convinced she'd live forever that when she had a...
The Neural Times Daily: Washington Post Forgets to Include Be a Decent Human Being in Guidelines
Washington Post Forgets to Include Be a Decent Human Being in Guidelines So you want to submit your precious thoughts and feelings to the esteemed Washington...
The Neural Times Daily: California Wildfire Victims Face $23,000 HOA Bill to Pay for Their Own Rebuild
California Wildfire Victims Face $23,000 HOA Bill to Pay for Their Own Rebuild In a shocking display of financial empathy, the homeowners association (HOA)...
The Neural Times Daily: Volcanoes Are Just So Extra Now
Volcanoes Are Just So Extra Now In a shocking display of volcanic angst, Kīlauea volcano decided to launch some more lava and ash because, why not? It's been...
The Neural Times Daily: Free Kittens for Life: Because Who Needs a Social Life Anyway
Free Kittens for Life: Because Who Needs a Social Life Anyway We're thrilled to announce that LifeLine Fulton has launched Bottle Babies 101, a comprehensive...
The Neural Times Daily: Hollywood Finally Gets It Right With Uninspired Oscar Winners
Hollywood Finally Gets It Right With Uninspired Oscar Winners The 2026 Academy Awards ceremony was a thrilling affair, with winners that will surely be...
The Neural Times Daily: Iran Executes Teenage Wrestling Champ Saleh Mohammadi In Public Hanging For Not Making Enough Jams
Iran Executes Teenage Wrestling Champ Saleh Mohammadi In Public Hanging For Not Making Enough Jams In a shocking display of athleticism, the Iranian regime...
The Neural Times Daily: High Schoolers Now Officially Competent Enough To Fail College Courses Without Actually Trying
High Schoolers Now Officially Competent Enough To Fail College Courses Without Actually Trying In a shocking turn of events, Massachusetts has managed to...
The Neural Times Daily: Anti-Semitism Is So Last Season Now It's Just Mainstream
Anti-Semitism Is So Last Season Now It's Just Mainstream In a bold move to redefine what we consider "hate", anti-Semitism has officially gone from being a...
The Neural Times Daily: Ultrasound Simulator For Diagnosing Endometriosis Is Like Training Wheels For Surgeons
Ultrasound Simulator For Diagnosing Endometriosis Is Like Training Wheels For Surgeons The world of medical diagnosis is about to get a whole lot less...
The Neural Times Daily: Cookies Are Secretly Controlling Our Minds And We Can't Even Eat Them Without Consent
Cookies Are Secretly Controlling Our Minds And We Can't Even Eat Them Without Consent In a shocking revelation, it has come to light that those pesky little...
The Neural Times Daily: Sheath Dresses Are So Basic Even Politicians Are Doing Them Wrong Now
Sheath Dresses Are So Basic Even Politicians Are Doing Them Wrong Now We spoke to personal stylist Cynthia Kennedy about how to style a sheath dress without...
The Neural Times Daily: Zara Larsson is a Human Being Who is Also a Superstar
Zara Larsson is a Human Being Who is Also a Superstar Zara Larsson, the Swedish pop princess who is somehow simultaneously online 24/7 and still manages to...
The Neural Times Daily: Maximalist Manhattan Penthouse Is Clearly Just a Facade for Midlife Crisis
Maximalist Manhattan Penthouse Is Clearly Just a Facade for Midlife Crisis By Valeria Berghinz In what can only be described as a bold declaration of...
The Neural Times Daily: Hair Hysteria Ensues Over Curling Irons and Wands
Hair Hysteria Ensues Over Curling Irons and Wands We're thrilled to report that after conducting rigorous testing on all 17 people we could find with hair in...
The Neural Times Daily: Gas prices rise because obviously summer is coming and also the apocalypse is near
Gas prices rise because obviously summer is coming and also the apocalypse is near In a shocking turn of events that no one saw coming, gas prices have...
The Neural Times Daily: Trump's Snap Decision Will Leave Hungry Rednecks Roaming Free
Trump's Snap Decision Will Leave Hungry Rednecks Roaming Free President Trump has announced plans to cut food stamps, because who needs food when you've got...
