Faith and Time
I lost my faith on Tuesday night.
I lost my faith on Tuesday night.
As someone who gets half of their inspiration in life from superhero comics, I’ve always had the idea that while people may not be inherently good, they will choose good more often than not. After all, taking care of each other is the best way to make the world better for everyone, is it not? Is that not what we teach our children and write about self-sacrifice in our stories?
Apparently not.
On Tuesday, November 8th, 2016, Donald J. Trump won the Electoral College and is now President-Elect of these United States. This is an irrefutable fact, regardless of how much legal weed you smoke or how you feel about the Electoral College. Trump’s party of choice also won control of both branches of Congress. What this means in the long term is only yet to come. I’ve been told that my reaction has been unfounded, that no one is in danger, this was just another election. Funny how easy that is to say when it’s your guy, yeah?
To a point, this is correct. I do not know exactly how Trump’s presidency will go. But I’ve played enough video games to see how to solve a puzzle and here’s a smattering of what we’ve been given as clues:
* Donald Trump has said he wants to repeal the ACA. He has not indicated what it would be replaced with, if anything at all. Some right-leaning sites have indicated that Dr. Ben Carson will be advising on this. Surprisingly, there’s already video of Carson giving Trump advice.
* Donald Trump has promised to build a literal wall across the border of the United States and Mexico. He has not provided a confident estimate for how much this will cost, much less what will happen to the rivers and homes existing where he wants to put it. He believes he can “make” Mexico pay for it.
* Donald Trump has called for a ban on all immigration by people of the Muslim faith. He has not explained how this would be done or how they would “figure out” a better way to vet versus the existing vetting process. He has also not offered a suggestion as to distinguish a Muslim believer from someone who happens to be from the Middle East.
*Donald Trump has said in a national debate that he would advocate implementation of stop and frisk procedures nationwide, and when told directly that this has been ruled unconstitutional, he told the moderator that they were wrong.
*Donald Trump has said in phone interviews that he would be willing to target the wives and children of suspected members of ISIS and “take them out.” He believes it is political correctness preventing the United States from doing this. It is, in fact, the Geneva Conventions that decry such action.
*Donald Trump has written on his Twitter account that he believes climate change to be a conspiracy created by the Chinese. *Donald Trump has, on multiple occasions, been recorded saying lewd and derogatory comments about women he has associated with, usually in sexual terms.
These are not propaganda items taken from a ‘biased’ site, these are words that this man has spoken. These are not words of policy. These are attacks on people. What is listed about is likely not the reasons Donald Trump won the election. The logical person in me knows that. That person also realizes that the competition, while far more qualified and prepared, was not perfection either. None of us are going to get the candidate that meets our every need. That would be why we have parties, be it two or more. This allows us to select a platform we stand with when we believe that platform can help move the country forward in progress.
Except instead of a battle of ideas on how to best work toward the future, the 2016 election was a battle of humanity. Rather, how much humanity were we really willing to give up to achieve that platform. Regardless of how you feel about the Left, the Democrats, or Hillary Clinton, you must recognize that only one candidate ran their campaign on the idea that ‘others’ are the enemy. Not a party, or even an ideology. Others. That campaign won on Tuesday. And I’m mad as hell. I’m mad, because I lost my faith.
I lost my faith in the American election system. A system that allows rural areas to lord significant power over the more populace made sense once, but is simply irrelevant in an age where everyone* should be able to have their voice heard equally. Donald Trump even thinks so. Yet, that’s what ultimately decided the election, thanks to voter suppression initiatives in swing states.
I lost my faith in the ideal of America as a “melting pot of the world.” Instead, we have shown ourselves to be a hive of xenophobia to the rest of the world. To a generation watching from the outside, America isn’t a land of opportunity, but of paranoia. In their minds, we are about to withdraw from the world stage, close our doors, and wallow until it’s time to blow one of them up.
I lost my faith that the Republican party will ever pull its head out of its ass. They had more than 20 candidates for the nomination, including Trump. Out of so many, not one of them wasn’t someone who laid the path that Trump followed to victory.
I lost my faith in the American people, as so many either decided to deny this man’s horrid disposition while many others chose not to participate. Instead of standing in solidarity against hatred, we splintered and worried about our own instead of each other. Their consciences are clear, but only because the voted (or chose not to) based on what made them feel good, not really caring about the long term impact on their neighbors.
I lost my faith in my home state of Utah, where the vote became split across one party, many choosing a third candidate because they rejected the ideals of Trump. However, they failed to replace the men who will enable him like Jason Chaffetz, rendering their rejection less of a stand and more of the hand washing of the others.
And I lost my faith that God cares about this country. While a lot of Trump voters put in their vote, sat down at their Facebook and waived all responsibility by putting all this “in God’s hands,” that’s just not what is happening. Now, I’ve been out of Evangelicalism for nearly a year (and at this point, my jury is still out on whether or not He’s out there,) but I do believe if God was going to intervene at all, he probably would have told the over 80% of Evangelical voters not to vote for the guy who believes he’s never had to ask God for forgiveness. That might sound inflammatory, but ask every single marginalized-by-Trump group how they feel about the Christian witness right now. Go ahead and tell them you accept them as they are and God loves them. I dare you.
I realize that as a straight white male capable of passing a Christianity test, the crisis of faith that I’m having is pretty much my while privilege response to the nightmare being experienced by anyone with extra melanin or female genitalia. But the past two days have been some of the most harrowing I have ever been through. I feel like someone has come and cut anything capable of the sense of touch out of my body. My entire reality has a gut-check it may never recover from as I realize that I’ve probably been enabling this inadvertently through my prior associations. These are still fractions of what others must have been feeling over the past two years, if not their whole lives, but it’s how I feel right now.
I lost my faith in myself.
Today, I must acknowledge that I now live in a world that I do not have a place in. Not without a compromise of the ideals that I once believed to be sacred to many. What’s more, the people that taught me all of these things ignored them because they believe themselves to be victims. If that be the case, all they did was sell out their fellow victims for a piece of bread. How much of a part did I really play in helping these people who now feel unwelcome in their own communities? How long will I myself “pass,” with my passions of writing and lashing at what seems wrong with the world? More importantly: should I even bother worrying?
I don’t know what the future holds. Usually that’s when faith comes in, to offer us comfort that the future can be something great, eternal even. But in this moment, faith is dead. I know many that we would turn to for guidance, including both Trump’s competition and predecessor, have asked us to retain hope and to move forward with our heads high.
But these guys have every branch of the government (forgot there was a Court seat open, didn’t you,) and it was won not by policy, or even being the better campaigners. These people won via years of temper tantrums. The rest of our lifetimes in this country will be decided in large ways by the actions that will be taken by this new administration, and the systems we would use to check that power are right on board with him. The light at the end of the tunnel just got cut off by a giant wall. How can I have hope when I am so damn powerless?
This piece is meant as catharsis, because I can’t answer that question. I am not a man without options, however. There is one thing I know to be certain, one thing that cannot be taken, or modified, or repealed. I have time.
Most of my writing involves analyzing video games, so I’m going to lean on them now as I often do for some inspiration. In The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, the kingdom of Hyrule is taken by force by the monstrous Ganondorf, seizing the castle and sending his monsters to dominate the land. As the player character, Link, we are just a small boy as this occurs. Because video games, Link is protected by magic until he is old enough to defend against the threat. Sent out into the world anew and given a time travel mechanic to see Hyrule before and after, the damage is clear. Skies are dark, the nearby volcano is erupting, zombies walk the streets, the kingdom’s princess has been forced to hide as a wondering warrior, and the people live in fear.
This is a video game, and you probably know how this ends. Link overcomes the enemy, peace is restored, the monsters vanquished. In Ocarina of Time, the good guys win, but for the characters who aren’t Link, there is seven actual years of pain and suffering happening between the story. Those characters didn’t get to see the long view, they were too busy living the torment. But hope did eventually come to them, and the land was healed. When Link reappears in Hyrule, these people have been suffering. The music is gone, they hide in their homes, their lives at risk.
Yet they’re still there.
In stories, there are heroes and villains. There are others, too. The ones in the middle. The ones who didn’t ask for the world that they live in, but try to live in it just the same. These people endure, just like the people in Hyrule. I can do that. I can endure. After all, what’s the point of saving the world if there is nothing to save? So I will endure, and will stand up to whatever nonsense comes out of the Republican block. I will vote every chance I still get to try to weaken the powers that be and return balance where we can. If that somehow swings the other way and we find ourselves in the same situation from another side? I will endure that as well. I will stand between the people who want to do harm and the people who just want to be here too. I will shout out their pain. I will be an ally in their battles to keep their liberty.
I’m not painting myself as any sort of hero-no, the trajectory for the rest of my life as an American citizen has mostly been decided. On the other hand, the world at large has managed to make it this far in evolution. Even if my time in this world isn’t the most pleasant, time as a whole will continue to move. Others will come after us, and they will possess new vision, and they will be able to continue the march that societies have been on since the beginning.
This will be a long fight, and while the sooner this nightmare ends the better, I will stand as long as I can. The future will find something worth saving when it gets here, whenever that turns out to be. We, the people who hope for that future, will still be here when it comes. Our time will not be wasted, we will not be silent, we will not let harm come to those around us. Our voices will form together, with the willpower of whatever we can find hope in. We will hope that all will be well, and that all can stand under the same sky and hope for even more. Time will pass, but that time will not be for nothing. I choose now to believe in that. I choose to believe that Courage and Wisdom together can overcome raw Power and bring it back into check, even if not immediately.
For now, I will put my faith in time.