Heavy Machinery
Archives
Search...
Subscribe
On gingerbread cake.
December 27, 2022
For the winter solstice this year, I baked a gingerbread cake. It came out pretty decent though not quite as gingery as I’d like. The effort caused a flare...
On gardening.
June 24, 2022
Last summer, caterpillars ate my garden. At first there were only one or two, bright green and kinda cute in their own wriggly way. I thought nothing of...
On being cosy.
April 30, 2022
Content note: mentions of death. Another month, another flare. I’ve written before about turning to video games as an escape when I’m flaring up and unable...
On dancing.
March 25, 2022
Well, friends, I wrote to you last time about a stormy February. By the time I sent out that newsletter, the storm had already grown stronger. At the end of...
On stormy weather.
February 25, 2022
Content note: grief, death, and mention of transphobia. I’ve spent February oscillating between grief and anger, with most of the month passing by in a swirl...
On (another) difficult start to the year.
February 1, 2022
This newsletter is late. If you’re reading this, you probably already know that. It’s not just late for a monthly newsletter, although it’s definitely that...
the year of reckoning.
September 21, 2019
Content warning: suicidal ideation and sad shit. It’s been a long time since I wrote one of these. You know that thing when you have a task to do or a...
The brain named itself so why is mine like this?
July 29, 2018
I learned about executive dysfunction when I was a teenager, in my A-level Psychology class. Psychology (with a capital P) tends to distinguish executive...
On Ramadan and mental illness.
June 7, 2018
Every year, I look forward to Ramadan. When I was a kid, my mum wouldn’t allow me to fast more than one day out of concern for my health, but those days...
Heartbreak Matryoshka
March 29, 2018
Mental illness has a way of fucking with your perception of time. Bad times seem to go on forever with no end in sight. When you look back, you remember...
Notes from an oil spill
March 9, 2018
This is my first newsletter of 2018. This year has already been difficult and we’re only just into March. I missed the January email because of heartbreak,...
This Year
December 31, 2017
Everyone who knows me knows that the end of the year is when I get most mushy. It’s a sentimental time for me, an opportunity to look back and consider my...
Get into the sea.
November 21, 2017
Every time we went to a beach when I was young, my mum would make sure she touched the ocean. She would walk up to the water’s edge in her sandals and crouch...
November.
November 6, 2017
It’s been almost a whole year since I left. A relationship and a house I still struggle to find the language to describe. I told a friend, over a year ago,...
There's still gravity in limbo.
October 8, 2017
For any of you following me on Twitter, you might already know that my life is a bit of a shambles at the moment. Alternatively, you might have guessed from...
London.
September 10, 2017
London is home. I was born here and, for the most part, I grew up here. I’ve travelled to and lived in cities all around the world but I’ve always loved...
On another year.
August 27, 2017
Today is my birthday. I wrote something last week about birthdays, about how I never know how to feel about them. Well, this morning I’ve been crying - real,...
Adventures in Wonderland
August 13, 2017
My first trip to the Barbican was to see Alice in Wonderland on stage. I was six or seven and it was my first play outside of a school hall. The show was...
On finding a way back.
July 30, 2017
I love the smell of soap. And the smell of soap saddens me. Good soap smells like possibility. Some soap smells like inspiration to me. Soap makes me feel...
On remaining open-hearted
July 16, 2017
I’m writing this at 3.25am because I can’t sleep and my heart is pounding and I’m shaking and I always seem to write easiest in moments of despair. I’ve...
Older archives
