depression lamp
--If you don't want to read four-to-five sad paragraphs just skip to the bottom for the links--
FOUR-TO-FIVE SAD PARAGRAPHS
I can't believe this year is nearly over, it feels deeply dysfunctional. Maybe everyone feels the same, but I have procrastinated and achieved so little. My inbox is a mess even though I've probably received 80% less email than usual. I've been trying to write this newsletter for probs over a month.
(Here I'm inserting a picture of snoopy which is hosted on someone else's website which I got from google image search which could disappear where he is wearing sunglasses and saying sigh. The sunglasses indicate that he is still cool even while feeling sigh - I wish I could say the same for myself lol)
I've been talking to a therapist this year since I suffered a number of bereavements, and also am long-term mad due to a chaotic childhood. I'm not sure if facing your demons in the light of a global pandemic is really smart (like everything is fucked so why not?) or really, really stupid (like everything is fucked why would you choose now to look under that rock?). My phone likes to remind me often of things that happened 1, 2, 3 years ago... even 1 year ago feels like a lifetime, and this morning I sent a photo to a friend from 2017 of an event that feels like it happened to a different person. But not necessarily in a bad way????? But kindof in a really bad way???????? Idk.
So I have been doing all the right things, exercise! routine! vitamin D! depression lamp! vegetables! Which is great and all but kinda sucks up all your time. It's like, I feel ok and productive but then I have no time to actually be ok and productive. Or at least, I don't feel I'm getting anything done. I am getting some sweet biceps tho.
Jeffrey Lewis has this song where he goes "how come I get nothing done but always feel so busy?" - It's called anxiety attack and here's a nice fan-made video. Anyway, same.
I have done some stuff which maybe feels disingenuous to link in light of my above rant since I feel it maybe it's a bit like "oh no poor me still productive tho". Or am I second guessing myself? Anyway I'm posting the links cause gotta grind get that cash hustle and build the brand at all times. (Plus I think you probably subscribed here for links and not weird confessionals....)
LINKS
- TYPE are on this fundraiser for Young Minds Together, a group of Black girls making music and dance in Rotherham UK - Compassion Through Algorithms Vol. II - please actually buy this if you can as it's a really good cause and has some really great stuff on it.
- P Foundation which is my new band with Adam put out our first release - Missingno. - it's a 1st gen pokemon reference and also about our cats. We haven't played any gigs yet cause of the pandemic which feels extremely weird. Literal bedroom band.
Anyway, I'll try to cheer up before my next email. Bye!