Almost 10 years ago, in September 2014, I had what is known as “The Call” with a literary agent: the conversation that precedes an offer of representation.
I had spoken to agents a few times before (including two long calls back in 2008 with an agent who had chosen not to sign me as a client, but took the time to chat with me about my writing anyway, a kindness I’ll never forget). I had also had a few agents and small-press editors get close to the point of offering after reading my manuscripts — I’d had some exciting recommendations, some high praise from mentors, some “we’re doing second reads” or “we’re having internal conversations” emails. But I’d never made it to The Call. I’d dreamt of having a novel published since I was a small child. It was my only real life ambition. I was 37 years old, had been trying more or less continuously, and it just never happened.
To put my state of mind in 2014 in perspective, I have to go back a couple of decades. I finished my first novel in 1996, when I was 19 years old and in my second year of undergrad. It was a contemporary, realist coming-of-age literary novel. I can’t remember now who I sent it to. Not many places, since it cost an arm and a leg to print out. I know a few publishers were in the mix, and possibly a few agents. I knew almost nothing about publishing, and there was not much on the internet yet to help. Also, the book was not very good. So that was that.
Over the next 18 years, I wrote four more novels. In the meantime, I went to grad school, got a fulltime job as a journalist, bought a house, moved out to the country with my partner, had a child. And every few years, I’d finish a novel, and query it, to no avail. I started the querying journey with a dot-matrix printer and SASEs (self addressed stamped envelopes), so I don’t even have email records of half of it. My querying continued into the email era. It never occurred to me to keep a spreadsheet or anything like that, and I pre-date query-tracking websites. I have no idea how many queries I sent out over those 18 years, but it is somewhere in the hundreds, probably the high hundreds. I had reached the point where I wasn’t even telling anyone about my writing anymore, because I hated the look of pity I’d get in response.