Hi friends,

I started Monday with an 8.40am hot yoga class and some of the worst period cramps of my life. It turns out those two things aren't a great mix, and I found myself regularly in child's pose trying not to sob. But the day wasn't over.

I worked quietly in a cafe before crying to the end of the new One Day TV series with Jacob.

Then, nervous, I tried to play an open mic. Sign up was 5.30pm and I rolled in at 5.35pm only to be the THIRD on the waitlist. The silliest thing was that I spent 10 minutes in my car trying to pluck up the courage to go in. I've played shows to hundreds of people and I was scared of an open mic. As it turned out I had nothing to be scared of. I didn't get to play, but the people who did gave it their best shot.

Worse still, at the bar, a man starts talking to me. He is in Nashville for 5 weeks for the Bitcoin convention. He tells me I need to stop being so scared and get on with my dreams, and that I'm not working hard enough, then he tells me again. then he tells me his views on Winston Churchill and Dresden.

This interaction stuck with me in a bad way at the beginning of the week. I began to spiral. Was I doing enough? Should I be a different person who takes their guitar everywhere and forces themselves on any environment that'll have them?

I wrote this at the time: I am conflicted abut whether 2 months is too long or not long enough. On the one hand 1 month would feel rushed, I would be forced to go out all the time and try and make my mark, but at the same time maybe 2 months gives me too much leniency. I can let myself have a few nights in a week, not push myself as far or as hard. I am conflicted about where to put my energy, about what is worth my time and what is not. Last night the man told me that if I wasn't playing all the time, I would have wasted my time here, but I don't agree. Whilst I am here, and writing new songs daily, I am releasing music, I am booking gigs and sessions at home, life goes on everywhere.

An evident spiral, that I have thankfully escaped.

On Tuesday, I made myself plans for the rest of the week. Hot yoga, cafes, gigs, open mics. I think the evenings in are a good and bad thing. It's easy to get in my own head about being useless and alone, but I decided to skip an open mic on Tuesday and in the time I chose not to go to that open mic, I messaged 4 people about playing shows, finished writing a song, and saved myself from being trapped in conversations I don't want to be in, and got a show out of it.

It is Thursday and after a tough couple of days I have had a perspective shift. I suppose it makes sense that this shift would come after positive evenings. Where I feel inspired to be better, and challenged by the prospect in a good way. I do not need to force myself into spaces that don't feel good, what is meant for me will come to me. It is pisces season, and I am ready to reflect on the year behind me and look forward.

I was invited to an evening of astrology, and I think being in a room of people self reflecting and thinking about positive changes for the future is incredibly warming. I will get better the more I write.

Two of my best friends got engaged this week and every time I think about it I tear up. I am so happy for them and so proud that they have each other, so I wrote a song for them. The song reflects on how their love and their happiness makes me hopeful for all of us. That we might all find that love and that romance in whatever part of life that we find it. You can listen to it here:

Forever right here - Hannah

Friday night and I'm at a metal show with my friend Josh. I think one of the things I love most about Nashville is the range of music I see in a week, and how regardless of what genre you're in, the people are all so nice and friendly.

Saturday I allow myself a rest from my own brain, and I spend a slow morning getting coffee, going shopping and writing before meeting friends for dinner. Sunday I go to a festival that celebrates black women in music. I am so lucky that I get the opportunity to experience it all.

I am content. I have managed the intense need to feel like I have achieved, and now I am happy to enjoy. :)

Stay tuned this week as I face the inevitable existential crisis of turning 27 next Saturday !!

Love,

Hannah

p.s. someone remind me that it get better when it gets bad again x