Five Songs from Eurovision 2022

Hello. Gay Christmas is almost here! This year’s annual festival of songs and high camp takes place in Turin, after Måneskin made an entire continent horny and then became global stars. I don’t think such a barnstorming success is likely this year, but given the last two winners have managed to find success stateside anything could happen — and the standard is really high this year.

Let’s have a look, then, at some standout songs from this year’s contest, the final of which airs on May 14th. Let the Eurovision Song Contest article begin!

Italy - Mahmood and Blanco, Brividi

Italy are my out-and-out favourites this year, and I’m so glad Mahmood is back. 2019’s runner-up has decided to give the contest a second stab, and this time he’s brought some kind of twinkish Italian rapper with him.

It’s a massive tonal shift, both from Mahmood’s wider work (which is fantastic, by the way, stream Ghettolimpo) and last year’s Italian entry, the all-out, in-your-face Zitti e Buoni. It’s a ballad about the insecurities of people who can’t quite express their love for another, a little gem of a thing with — at least at the national selection — some very intimate staging that brings it together nicely.

It’s entirely possible that we see Eurovision happen in Italy again next year — and given how nice the weather is and the couple of years we’ve all had you wouldn’t really blame the contest for wanting to stick around for a bit, would you?

Sweden - Cornelia Jakobs, Hold Me Closer

Shout out to the Swedes; this one’s pretty solid. Their national selection, Melodifestivalen, is something of a cultural event and it means the winner tends to do well across a spread of European countries and juries. Cornelia Jakobs will probably maintain a general history of Swedish strength in Turin.

I think this will do super well; I’ve seen her live performances and they’re really good, it’s just… hard to be excited, honestly. There are stronger ballads, in my view — Brividi, of course, but also the not-mentioned-here Dutch entry De Diepte to name but two — and it doesn’t feel like it’s going to have the kind of performance that’ll blow Europe’s socks off in the way Euphoria and Heroes did in 2012 and 2015.

Ukraine - Kalush Orchestra, Stefania

I’ll be honest, it’s practically a miracle that Kalush Orchestra are taking part this year. They had to be given an exception to the COVID-proofing measure of recording a performance ahead of the contest because, well, you know.

But they are taking part, and they have an absolute banger of a song, a kind of folk-rap fusion with a hell of a flute hook that at its core is about the strength and inspiration of a mother.

We often think of Eurovision as a very political song contest; I think it’s more complex than that, but there’s definitely a political slant to it, and that’s probably why betting odds have crowned Ukraine the frontrunners since the war started. While I wish it well, and would be happy if it won, I can’t help but wonder if the voting public will remember that the winner of Eurovision has to host it the next year before they make their calls.

Latvia - Citi Zeni, Eat Your Salad

Well, Latvia. Where to start with this one? Well, maybe the first eight words: Instead of meat, I eat veggies and pussy. God only knows how that is going to work in front of an audience of 200 million people before the watershed.

The song itself, though? An absolute certified bop. Its message — that being good to the planet makes you a complete stud — is delivered in such a tongue-in-cheek way that it elevates a pretty standard funk-pop thing into something more.

At the very least, it’ll get stuck in your head, and in a year full of ballads it’s nice to have something break the monotony so forcefully.

United Kingdom - Sam Ryder, SPACE MAN (No, really this time)

Listen, I know this is a lot to take in -- especially if you're British! -- but we've finally done it; we've finally picked a song that has left-side-of-the-board potential.

It's taken a decade of mostly garbage to get there, but now we're finally sending something decent it feels so good.

Those were my own words last year, when we sent James Newman’s Embers to Rotterdam and it quickly emerged that some solid production on the recording was covering for a guy who couldn’t sing. Obviously, this all ended very well.

This year, the BBC decided to outsource our national selection to a talent management company rather than a record label, and we’ve ended up with the rather lovely Space Man, a song that’s sorta kinda about mental health and is sung by some kind of TikTok interpretation of Jesus Christ. Rather than thinking of Eurovision as a great national shame, though, the management company actually want to try and win the thing, so they’ve invested in staging and promotion and honestly, whisper it, we might do well this year. We have, really this time, finally picked a song — and made a performance — that has left-side-of-the-scoreboard potential.

Don’t start booking hotels for various British cities just yet, but with a little luck, Britain might just be back at Eurovision.

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