Hayley: It has consistently been between 45 and 60 degrees where I live for the past week, so it's officially #cozytime. I'm currently wearing fluffy pink slipper sandals, sweatpants, my Lunya silk tee pajama top, and I have a big mug of coffee on the table next to me. I'm on my sofa, leaning against two throw pillows with a blanket across my lap. I am cozy.
There are an infinite number of ways to think about coziness, but for me it often comes down to what kind of blanket situation I'm rocking and what kind of warm beverage I'm enjoying. Another way that I feel cozy is by sitting around with my closest friends, drinking wine and watching a movie we've seen a hundred times, like Lord of the Rings or 10 Things I Hate About You. I am going to call this "emotional coziness" and it's a fucking delight.
What comes to mind when you think about coziness?
Victoria: It hasn't been cool in New York at all — until today (the day I'm writing this, not the day you're reading this)! And thank God for it, because I was suffering in the too warm weather. I was made for fall days!!
My platonic ideal of coziness is sitting on the couch in some cute knitwear, with a throw blanket in reach, and a big cup of tea (black tea if it's before noon, something with less caffeine if it's after) on the table. Maybe I am watching TV, or maybe I am writing on my laptop. I am comfy and warm and safe.
One of my favorite cozy outfits is a sweater with little shorts, which I fully blame the girl who cheats on Colin Firth with his brother in Love Actually:
She's cozy and hot!!! I want to be her!!! Should I get bangs??
I've been thinking a lot lately about what a home should be like. Like, when I was a kid, I always felt like my mom and grandma made our home so that it would look good if people visited. I don't think "coziness" was a goal when they were decorating. My grandma crocheted us this beautiful Christmas blanket made of squares shaped like wreaths that all were sewn together. But it was a decorative blanket, not a using blanket. We still put it on the couch, but we never use it.
I've been trying to make my new bedroom cozy, a place where I can go and recharge and feel OK. It's not easy? I'm trying to learn. I wonder if this search for coziness is why I'm thinking about learning to crochet or knit. I want to feel safe and secure, and there's something so comforting and soothing about the idea.
Hayley: Unsurprisingly, as someone who just bought a home, I have also been thinking about this a lot lately. How do I make my home cozy? And at the end of the day, is coziness about feeling safe, secure, and seen?
I purposefully chose a darker turquoise paint color for my bedroom because I wanted it to feel like a little cocoon. My bed currently has 6 pillows on it, but I'm always in the market for more. My duvet cover is incredibly soft, and 2 of the 6 pillows have silk pillowcases, to keep my head cool when I sleep. Because I, too, was made for cool weather and the heat makes my sweaty body want to die!
I am also always trying to navigate the line between things looking good and feeling good. When I have guests over, I want them to feel cozy. I want them to have enough seating, pillows, blankets, snacks, drinks, and I want to make sure they're taken care of when they're spending time in my home. One of my biggest stressors of moving, actually, has been hosting people while I'm still in the various stages of getting my house set up, and being like "hey all I have to eat is potato chips and I also only have one blanket right now!!" It's stressful to not be cozy!
Food is also a big part of coziness to me. Anything in a bowl or a mug? Instant cozy. We've talked at length about soup, and it's obviously unparalleled for its cozy qualities. I'm a big fan of a good creamy baked mac n cheese in a giant bowl, or anything else that is warm and filling. Also cozy? Hearty beers, like stouts and porters. The brewery in my town does a S'mores Imperial Stout, which clocks in at 10% ABV. It is delicious and very boozy and it pairs well with watching Great British Bake-Off and getting nervous that someone hasn't put their bread in the oven yet!
Because of the pandemic, I have really leaned into loungewear over the past year. Target and Old Navy have become staples for ultra-soft sweatpants and joggers, and my favorite splurge purchase ever was my Lunya silk tee set. It is the most incredible loungewear I have ever owned. They have some other fabrics on their website, but I just cannot justify going down a rabbit hole of $200 silk and wool lounge sets. I will stick to the silk for now.
Victoria: OK please send me some s'mores stout?? I want it.
I've been thinking about how hard it is to let myself have the coziness and comfort I want. It's easy for me to make other people comfortable, but hard to give myself the same consideration. An example: I love apples, but hate biting into them. It freaks me out; I don't really know why. Whenever my mom has an apple, she cuts it into slices. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize I could do that too? That I could just take the two minutes to tend to myself and cater to my needs in this extremely basic way?
I think the concept of coziness runs up alongside self care, and what I struggle with is the commodification of self care. Like, I want to help myself, but how much of what we now consider "self care" is just buying stuff? If I buy a new pair of lounge pants from old navy (they're excellent and I recommend) does that really make me feel better, or does it just feel like it should? Are sheet masks self care, or do sheet mask companies just want me to buy more?
All that said, last year I bought a loungewear set from Anthropologie that was steeply discounted and I do feel so nice and cozy when I wear it! Right now I'm drinking an apple cider tea, and it's so lovely and cozy. Next month, I will break out my frankly enormous bag of Harney and Sons holiday tea and drink it until the new year (the new year! God. I'm not ready.).
Hayley: Yes, I struggle with this concept too. I have been trying really hard lately to figure out if I genuinely enjoy aspects of self-care, or if I am just trying to cosplay as an Instagram influencer. I realized that I don't actually like doing sheet masks all that much! My former roommate mentioned that the only time I was ever not talking was when I was wearing a sheet mask, because I couldn't move my face! The sensation of a sheet mask is not cozy to me. I will not be doing them moving forward.
I have a hard time turning my brain off. Or even down a few clicks. The best I've felt lately — and perhaps the coziest — was watching Squid Game because I had to put my phone away and focus on what I was watching. I left my phone in another room and curled up on my sofa with my blanket and tea and watched the most horrifying TV show I've ever seen. Coziness to me always denotes slowing down, and the more that I can slow down, the cozier I feel. Lately I've been trying to do just one thing at a time — taking a bath without listening to music, walking Tilly without listening to a podcast, scrolling through TikTok without the TV on in the background, etc. At first, I felt insane. Now it feels much easier and more comfortable.
I think that these external cozy things, like soft fabrics and warm liquids, serve as a way to remind me that I also deserve internal coziness, too.
What Hayley Likes:
The Golde Tumeric Latte Blend is fantastic, spicy, and very warming. Perfect for a COZY evening.
Every fall I revisit Avril Lavigne's first album, Let Go, and you should, too. "I'm with You" remains a perfect song.
What Victoria Likes:
There's this opposite meme going around that reminded my friend Cassie Jon Bovi, the Bon Jovi "opposite" band that Jason Sudeikis and Will Forte used to do on SNL, so I watched an old sketch and died laughing.
I am listening to the audiobook of Gabrielle Union's new memoir. if you haven't read the first one, listen to that one first, then pick up this one!
I would like to anti-recommend the Diana musical on Netflix. Hayley and I watched it with our friend Brita this week, and it was absolute chaos.
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