March 12, 2021, noon
The Only St. Patrick's Day Episode That Matters Is From '30 Rock'
Gold-Plated Girls
Hayley: Okay, let's talk about one of the best episodes of one of the best television shows of all time that also HAPPENS to be topical: The twelfth episode of season six of 30 Rock, "St. Patrick's Day."
We established early on in our friendship that this is one of our top episodes. Which is odd, because it happens on the other side of season four, where the quality of the show definitely drops. "St. Patrick's Day" is pure gold because it feels like early 30 Rock, but it also has its own special flair.
For those of you who don't have every line in this episode memorized (weirdos), a brief synopsis might be helpful: On St. Patrick's Day, Liz Lemon and her live-in boyfriend Criss (James Marsden) plan on avoiding the Irish holiday shenanigans by hunkering down in her apartment. It works until her ex-boyfriend, Dennis Duffy, shows up and drives a wedge between Liz and Criss when he exposes the fact that Liz is unable to say "I love you" back to Criss. Other plot lines include Jack Donaghy playing a Settlers of Catan-esque game called "Colonizers of Malar" and reflecting on the state of capitalism, as well as some pretty standard Tracy Jordan-Jenna Maroney hijinks.
Okay, let's dive into what we love about this episode. Every time I watch, I am shocked by the sheer number of jokes-per-minute, which is always the beauty of 30 Rock but shines especially brightly in this one. This also has a lot of my favorite 30 Rock jokes, period. ("He's only allergic to his allergy medicine — but he loooves it!" ) And of course, any episode that contains my favorite character — Dennis Duffy — is going to be a good time.
Victoria: Let me make a list of reasons why I like this episode:
1. Dennis Duffy. Dennis is my favorite recurring 30 Rock character. The first episode I ever watched ("Apollo, Apollo") was a Dennis episode, so I think that primed me to love all his appearances. In this episode, Dennis' character game is twisted — usually he appears to try to win Liz back, but here he has finally moved on with a partner of his own ("Megan!"). His change exposes how stuck in the mud Liz is. Which brings me to point two:
2. Growth! Going back to your single woman in Hollywood series, what I love about Liz in episodes like this, and during her relationship with Criss, is that we see growth from her. Criss loves her for the weird, uptight, kinda gross person she is, and here she has to get over some of her relationship hang ups to finally say, "I love you." But she doesn't lose her innate Liz Lemon-ness — she tells him wearing Hulk mitts, because they're the only green thing she owns, and when Criss responds, "I know," she says, full of love and awe, "You Solo-ed me." That's a Liz Lemon way to do it.
3. James Marsden. I just watched Hairspray again this weekend, and I think James Marsden is maybe one of the most under-utilized hot guys in all of Hollywood? He is so good as Criss, the exact type of himbo king you would want Liz to end up with.
4. St. Patrick's Day. I am not Irish, but the neighborhood I grew up in was super Irish. On St. Patrick's day proper, so many kids would skip school to go to the parade with their parents, or would come to school in themed outfits. The other main event was the Rockaway St. Patrick's Parade, which took place a couple weekend before the big day and involved 12 year olds getting drunk and throwing up in the street. I did not attend, nor was I ever invited, but the drama from this event was long-lasting. I guess what I'm saying is I'm endlessly fascinated by Irish-Americanness as someone close to it but forever an outsider, and I think this episode talks about the phenomenon in compelling and spot-on ways. St. Patrick's Day in New York is disgusting and horrifying! It is not at all like St. Patrick's Day in actual Ireland! This makes the episode pretty good New York representation — the city gross and horrifying and kinda mean while being disarmingly sweet. I forever love the drunk man who says, "Is now the time on St Patrick’s Day when we talk about our feelings? I don't understand your art, Kevin."
5. Catholicism. I love any 30 Rock episode that talks about Jack's relationship to the church, and there are quite a few. But few moments are more iconic to me than Jack in St. Patrick's cathedral talking about how there were never any snakes in Ireland, making St. Patrick an iconic scammer. "His only worldly possession was no snakes."
Hayley, you are Irish! Please tell me why you love this episode.
Hayley: These are all excellent reasons and I am so glad to see my boy Dennis Duffy up there at number one.
Yes, on my dad's side I am descended from a long line of bog people, to reference another 30 Rock joke about the Irish. I identify with my Irish-ness in that I am a writer, I enjoy solitude and the occasional morbid-beyond-belief joke, and I wore a Claddaugh ring in high school. For me, the quintessential Irish joke belongs to John Mulaney, who says "I'll keep all my emotions right here (motions to his chest), and then one day, I'll die." This is incredibly true in a way that is both hauntingly sad and maddeningly funny, which is a lot of what my experiences with my extended Irish Catholic family have been.
My favorite joke in this episode is when Liz tells Jack "Oh, what are they going to do about it, write a meandering play about how amazing the Irish are at not overcoming adversity?" I can say this line to my dad at any given moment and make him laugh. A sort of passive aggressive non-acceptance of pain or suffering is really what keeps Irish Catholics going, and every day I'm glad that we stopped going to church when I was in middle school.
Let's spend more time on Criss, played with perfection by James Marsden. Something I love about 30 Rock is that we do not get a Liz-Criss meet cute! We don't even see their dating life, we just know that Liz has met someone at the beginning of season six and she is really happy and then Criss is in her apartment in the next episode and we go from there. Himbo is a perfect way to describe Criss, and you can tell that he and Liz are perfect for each other because there are a lot of things about Criss that an earlier-seasons Liz would write off as a dealbreaker: He doesn't have a job, he has a Sunglass Hut credit card, and a tan line from a thumb ring. In this St. Patrick's Day episode, we learn that he used to be a volunteer EMT at Burning Man, which he and Liz have agreed to never talk about again. If Liz and Criss met at any other point in their lives, I don't think that they would get together. Liz has been avoiding her feelings in the same way she has been avoiding the public drunken shenanigans of St. Patrick's Day for her whole life. It's a nice moment of symbolism that she has to actually leave the safety of her apartment and go out into the mess to tell Criss that she loves him.
The other thing that I love about this episode is that we get to play Tracy and Jenna off of each other, which is one of my favorite sparring duos that we get on this show. Tracy calling Jenna the "small-boobied grandma" and Jenna's dramatic "The only baloney Tracy has is the baloney he's full of!" (to which Tracy cries and says, "Why would you say that? You can't take that back!") is pure perfection. The chaotic energies that Tracy and Jenna bring to the table are always on the same level and executed in very different ways. Whenever they join up to do good (like The Problem Solvers) or to fight, it's a delight. I think that every character in this episode is playing to their strength and firing on all cylinders.
Victoria: Wow I love a Claddaugh ring, I have always wanted one!
I love what you said about us not seeing how Liz and Criss met. The thing I always remember about the genesis of their relationship is that Liz has joined the New York Liberty dance troupe, which is real and only accepts people over the age of 40. It’s such a lovely character detail, because this is the stage in Liz’s life where she finally accepts herself the way she is — dorky and strange. That doesn’t mean she’s like...better at her job or suddenly fully actualized, but she’s happier in her actual life. With all her other boyfriends, she had these absurd meet-cutes — Floyd sends her flowers meant for his girlfriend, Wesley she meets at the dentist, Carol she connects with at a wedding as she runs away from Wesley. She accidentally steals Jon Hamm’s mail. Criss isn’t a kooky plot — he’s just the one.
The first time I watched this episode I had never played Settlers of Catan, but I’ve since become a big player. The settlers parody in this with Jack and the writers is very funny — even better than Parks & Rec’s similar send up (The Cones of Dunshire). Also I generally love any episode that has Jack interacting with the writers.
On that note, I think we should let our readers know that we plan to revisit 30 Rock in future issues! Feel free to let us know if there’s anything you want us to cover specifically!
Things Hayley Recs This Week:
The new Iced Brown Sugar Oatmilk Shaken Espresso at Starbucks is a delight.
A sleeper Olive & June product is the Foot Serum, which I’ve been putting on every night before bed and it’s making a noticeable difference in my foot softness (Sorry that you had to read the phrase “foot softness”).
If you have a dog that won’t stop chewing on shit and want some sanity back, lately I’ve been mixing 1/2 cup of dog food with water, letting it soak for 30 mins, then scooping it into a Kong and freezing it overnight. You can seal off the ends of the Kong with peanut butter, too.
POTATOES ARE BACK AT TACO BELL!!!! My go-to is the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, no beef sub potatoes. Close second is a Crunchwrap, no beef sub potatoes. Also highly underrated? Spicy Potato Soft Tacos.
Stuff Victoria Likes Right Now:
Lately all I do is listen to “You’re Wrong About” and play phone games. I just went back to the very first episode and have been working my way from there, and I recommend it.
Throw these asiago and cheddar crisps in your next Nuts dot com order.
There is a real crisis in America right now around trans people; state legislatures across the country are considering anti-trans bills that would prevent trans girls and women from participating in sports, all under the phony guise of “gender equality.” It is, of course, bullshit. If you’re a cis person reading this, we need to be vocal and supportive allies and push back against transphobia and transmisogyny where ever we see it.
MLB put out this line of really cute hats with little thematic icons on them. The Mets one has apples, the Atlanta one has peaches, and the Red Sox has lobsters. I keep debating getting one, but I won’t be surprised when I pull the trigger.