Two months ago, my family bought a Peloton. Somewhat annoyingly, it really is as life-changing as everyone says it is—it has made exercising easy, accessible, and fun. There are a lot of side effects that happen when you start exercising regularly, most of which are pretty straightforward. I have increased levels of energy throughout the day, and that mid-afternoon slump I used to experience has been replaced by a mid-afternoon boost of energy. Which makes sense, as another side effect is that my sleep is much better, both in terms of length and quality. Supposedly exercise improves brain function, but since I earnestly Googled “What is cardiovascular exercise?” last week before realizing that is just what “cardio” is short for, I am not sure I can claim this one, but stay tuned. No, today we are going to talk about the most surprising side effect of my exercise routine:
I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers now.
Sure, you have your Avicii and your Skrillex and your Imagine Dragons, the occasional David Guetta song, and ok, yes, Girl Talk, but what really gets me pumped when I’m working out is a smooth little guitar riff and some crooning about drug use. That was the moment I finally understood the appeal of this band, which Wikipedia tells me is the most successful band in the history of alternative rock.
Okay, let’s back up.
Did I hate the Red Hot Chili Peppers before? No, of course not. But to me, pre-Peloton, RHCP were just the epitome of that background noise band: you heard them faintly on a restaurant’s patio, briefly on the car radio before you connect your phone, or in between sets at big outdoor summer festivals. If American music has a pH scale, the Red Hot Chili Peppers are a solid 7.
My favorite bands are Joy Division, New Order, and Arcade Fire. My music taste is like 75% what my dad played for us growing up, 20% what my brother—the lead singer and guitarist for a punk band called Oedipus Rex and the Motherfuckers—introduced me to, and 5% what various roommates have played around me. The RHCP aren’t necessarily very different from these sources that curated my musical tastes, but they certainly didn’t stand out very much. In my mind, the RHCP were very much a product of the 90s, so I was surprised that their first album was released in 1984, the year after New Order released “Blue Monday.” To me, it felt like one of those time mind-fuck listicles on the Internet where Buzzfeed tells you that Martin Luther King Jr., Barbara Walters, and Anne Frank were all born in the same year.
Cut to me in the middle of a Lower Body strength training session on Peloton, being cued to do goblet squats by a very fit blond man named Andy while “Otherside” played in the background. Something about this combination of factors unlocked something inside me, and I felt what I imagine every gym rat in the world has felt at some point: I am very powerful and this is fun! I felt alive. I felt like I was listening to the only music that has been made to work out to.
I knew that people had talked about “runner’s high” before, and as much as I was like, in theory that sounds very nice but there is no way in hell that you could ever get me to run on purpose. So when I experienced this positive burst of emotion during a set of what should be grueling goblet squats, all sweaty and red in the face, with my topknot slowly slipping into a sideknot, I was surprised and delighted. And in that fateful moment, the Red Hot Chili Peppers imprinted onto me and now I can’t stop listening to them. I try to save it for my workouts, so it can be special, but it’s been creeping into my daily life more often. When I take the dog for a walk, or when I need to work on something a little tedious at work, I have been selecting a RHCP album at random and just listening through it in its entirety.
I am listening to their first album, the self-titled Red Hot Chili Peppers, as I write this. The album has a frenetic energy that actually helps me focus on my writing, something that I never thought was possible. I usually write in silence, needing all my mental space focused solely on the words I’m creating in the moment.
So here I am, exercising regularly and digging the Red Hot Chili Peppers so much that I am using them as writing music. I don’t have any guesses left for where I will go next so it’s very important for me for everyone to get vaccinated so I can leave the house again before something even more bizarre happens.
Yes, this is actually a vaccination PSA.