Victoria: There is no bad way to eat a potato. None! Mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, fried potatoes, roasted potatoes: They are all beautiful delicacies that I would never, ever turn down. I think of the 2000s, the height of the Atkins, low-carb craze, and I feel so sad, thinking about all the poor, neglected potatoes. Thankfully, society is making up for it now, I think. Potatoes are gluten free! They're vegan! They're perfect.
I often think of Nora Ephron's novel Heartburn, where the protagonist — a cook who writes food memoirs and hosts a zany public access TV show — waxes poetic about potatoes and love. She says that, at the beginning of a relationship, she likes to make time-consuming, crisp potatoes, because "if you don’t make them in the beginning, you never will." And when a relationship is over, she turns to potatoes, too:
"Nothing like mashed potatoes when you’re feeling blue. Nothing like getting into bed with a bowl of hot mashed potatoes already loaded with butter, and methodically adding a thin cold slice of butter to every forkful. The problem with mashed potatoes, though, is that they require almost as much hard work as crisp potatoes, and when you’re feeling blue the last thing you feel like is hard work. Of course, you can always get someone to make the mashed potatoes for you, but let’s face it: the reason you’re blue is that there isn’t anyone to make them for you."
Because of Heartburn, I always wanted to make potatoes anna, and I finally did using this excellent Smitten Kitchen recipe. The most deeply iconic crisped potato, IMO, is a latke. I don't mind making them myself — though they're not quite effortless — but I also love going to brunch at Veselka in the east village, where they make eggs benedict using latkes in place of bread. It is divine.
Other favorite ways to eat potatoes include pierogies (also incredible at Veselka), gnocchi (cauliflower gnocchi is NOT valid), and twice baked (I use this Smitten Kitchen recipe once every two weeks). Actually, not to turn this into spon con for Smitten Kitchen, but I also love her potato pizza, which I made this Wednesday, and the crispy, crumbly potatoes are an absolute treat when I have the forethought to boil potatoes in the afternoon.
Dearest Hayley, what are some of your favorite ways to eat potatoes? How deranged did you think I was when I proposed this as a topic? What condiments do you prefer on your french fries?
Hayley: Potatoes are INCREDIBLE. I love potatoes, I adore them prepared many ways, I am never not in the mood to eat potatoes. When you said you wanted to write about potatoes I was like, this is a little odd but also this is our newsletter and we make the rules!!! Plus when are we not recommending some sort of recipe in our Friday convo? We love food, and that includes potatoes.
As you have already stated, potatoes are perfect. One of the first times that I prepared a vegan meal for my family, I made these Herbed Scalloped Potatoes, and they were an instant hit. I also went through a phase where I was constantly making my own version of colcannon for dinner. It is just potatoes, butter, milk, garlic, onions, and cabbage or kale — the ultimate comfort food. Also, baked potatoes are not appreciated enough for their simplicity and their versatility. Any time my mom makes a pot of chili we like to pour the leftovers over a baked potato and add sour cream and cheddar cheese. My mom also makes these Minimalist Baker Thai Baked Sweet Potatoes that are mind-blowingly good. When I lived and worked in Galesburg after graduating from college, there was a majestic place called Lieber's Boxcar Express that served baked potatoes dressed up however you wanted. I would get broccoli and cheddar cheese. My mouth is watering thinking about the many lunch hours I spent devouring those potatoes.
In my mind, though, there is no food — potato or otherwise — better than french fries. Their versatility! Their universality! Their adaptability! French fries are a guaranteed good time. This is my official ranking of types of french fries:
1. waffle fries
2. crinkle cut fries
3. beer battered fries
4. steak fries
5. curly fries
6. every other kind of fry that I haven't mentioned and
7. shoestring fries (gtfo)
I want my french fries to be CRISP but not HARD on the outside, SOFT and CREAMY on the inside. I don't want them too soggy; thus the brilliance of the waffle fry because there is more surface area that can get all crisped up. Also, I don't consider sweet potato fries to be fries, sorry. I think they are an interesting concept but they are NOT a french fry, and if you say you have fries on your menu and it turns out they are just sweet potato fries, I will be viscerally angry.
If it's a quality fry, I like eating it plain! I also enjoy ketchup, mayo, and honey mustard as dipping sauces. Mayo on fries sounds terrible until you try it and are like, "I am a fool for thinking this would be weird, for now I am in french fry heaven."
Oh my god, we haven't even TALKED about hash browns yet!!!! The McDonald's hash brown is the perfect hangover cure. Just incredible.
Victoria: I feel like the fact that I was like, "Let's do a whole issue about eating potatoes" certifies that I am a messy single woman, according to your matrix of single women in Hollywood.
French fries! I think shoestring fries get a bad rap because they are never fried long enough, so they end up soggy. But if they're done correctly so they are uniformly brown and crisp, they're delicious. I mean McDonald's fries are basically a slightly longer shoe string! People also hate steak fries, but I think it's the same issue — too often, steak fries are not cooked sufficiently and they're soggy in the middle. Please fry your fries long enough!!
I am a curly fry girl! I don't know if this is some sort of repressed childhood thing (lol?) but they're just so fun! If I'm at a diner and there are curly fries, I'm getting them. Waffle fries are not my favorite, though I am never mad to be served them. Also want to shout out tater tots, which are not fries, but also are? Potatoes are complex!
For a long time I was very anti all fry toppings. I just wanted salt, baby. In college, I let ketchup and mayo into my life. There was a burger place that used to do all sorts of flavored mayos, which were great, and if we got fries or tots at our favorite bar, we were always getting a side of spicy ranch, aka spranch. I don't like ranch that much, but I love spranch. There's also this iconic falafel place in DC, Amsterdam Falafel, that makes perfect fries that you can top with peanut sauce, curried ketchup, tahini sauce or garlic cream sauce. No bad options!
Theoretically, McDonald's hash browns are the peak of fast food potato. In practice, they are often too greasy!!! A couple weeks ago I got the hashbrowns from Trader Joe's that are shaped the same way as the McDonald’s ones and heated them up in our convection oven and they were incredible. Back on the fast food breakfast side, I think Dunkin Donuts hash browns do not get the love they deserve! An iced coffee, beyond sausage, egg and cheese and an order of Dunkin hash browns?? I'm in heaven, baby.
Wendy's baked potatoes were the ultimate treat to me as a kid, though they're much less exciting since I stopped eating meat and can’t get bacon. Speaking of baked potatoes, the Smitten Kitchen baked potato soup is classic!
I guess what's beautiful about potatoes as an ingredient is their versatility. When cauliflower isn't a million dollars at the grocery store, I always snag some to make Priya Krishna's aloo gobi. When I went to Canada in the summer of 2018, poutine was at the top of my list. It was sort of horrifying to eat gravy on a 100 degree day, but it was so good. When I was a kid, my grandma used to always order a potatoes and eggs hero from the pizza place: simple and delicious. I mean, through some sort of magic you can put potatoes IN bread and then make bread that's way better than normal, boring bread! Thank you, potatoes.
Hayley: I never mind that McDonald's hash browns are too greasy because I usually eat them when I am too hungover to function and they bring me back to LIFE. You are correct that the Dunkin Donuts hash browns are INCREDIBLE and there is nothing better than driving through Dunkin, getting those items, and then driving around blasting music. It's been my favorite quarantine activity, in all honesty.
I think that when you stop eating meat you become very well versed in the potato offerings at various fast food restaurants. Another fast food chain that has amazing potatoes is KFC. They're wedges, and they're usually perfectly crispy and soft. And of course: Taco Bell's potatoes, which are coming back thank GOD. (My friend and I recently bought these Taco Bell shirts from Old Navy to celebrate their return.) If you're a vegetarian, do yourself a favor and sub potatoes for beef in any menu item at Taco Bell. My personal favorite is the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, no beef sub potatoes. But the Crunchwrap Supreme is a close second.
My love for potatoes has really only grown since I stopped eating meat. A good potato dish is a little beacon of hope on a menu full of meat items. It's a way to always have something to eat when you're out with friends, or driving around the middle of nowhere. When I worked in college admissions I spent like 80% of my time every Fall on the road, driving to various high schools in rural Wisconsin, Illinois, and California. Fast food potatoes, whether fries or wedges or some combination of them, were what kept me going. If I am driving somewhere, I will always get coffee and hash browns if it's in the morning, and french fries and a Diet Coke if it's the afternoon.
All I want to do now is eat potatoes.
Victoria: Wow the vegetarian-potato connection makes SO much sense to me. The end of March will be my ten-year vegetarian anniversary, and I definitely do appreciate potatoes more now than I did a decade ago. UNFORTUNATELY KFC no long makes the potato wedges!!! Can you imagine!!! Why would they ruin greatness!! This reminds me of when Burger King changed their fries probably over a decade ago at this point. The old ones were better!!! I have never had Taco Bell potatoes but I’m very excited to when they return.
I do hope this potato newsletter encourages our readers to share their own favorite potato recipes! Give us more potatoes! Potatoes all the way down!!
Things Victoria Likes This Week:
I watched Unpregnant on HBOMax and it was such a funny, smart coming-of-age road trip comedy. Big recommend!
Molly Knox Ostertag illustrated a comic about the unpublished Lord of the Rings epilogue, where Sam answers his daughter’s questions about his journey. It’s so sweet and beautiful!
I bought this giant sherpa scrunchie in order to get free shipping on a pair of jeans (that need to be returned) but now I’m obsessed with it? It makes such a nice bun!
This article, about the government’s failures, at every level, during the ongoing crisis that is American life
Stuff Hayley Recommends Right Now:
Olive & June just launched their new spring colors and I am OBSESSED. If you have been waiting for the right moment to buy a mani kit, you should do it now and use my referral code for $10 off.
I just finished reading Pema Chödrön’s The Places That Scare You, which was a really lovely and reflective book. If you already have a meditation practice, this is a nice accompaniment.
This underwear is literally all I wear under leggings anymore. It’s super lightweight and truly has a “vanishing” edge — there is a thin rubber lining on the inside of the leg that prevents it from rolling up. I know it sounds weird but TRUST ME they’re perfect.
I’ll see your sherpa scrunchie, Victoria, and raise you the GOAT of scrunchies: velvet ones, baby. I don’t have a link but I got a 4-pack from Walgreens and they’re amazing, they don’t budge at all even when I do yoga.