Hayley: I was born in September so my very first Halloween was spent as a little one month-old pumpkin blob. I think it should be a legal requirement that you dress your baby as a pumpkin for their first Halloween because it is very cute.
Growing up I had the incredible asset of a mom who was thrifty and creative and made almost all of my Halloween costumes and accouterments. Usually the base was some form of an old dance costume (I had approximately 900). Of course all I really wanted was a prepackaged Princess Costume from the store because that was "a real costume" to me. Kids are brats. But my mom did let me get a Princess Costume once and it was terrible: it didn't fit right, it was scratchy and thin, and it certainly didn't make me feel very princess-y. Mom 1, Hayley 0.
[ID: a collage of some of little Hayley’s cutest Halloween costumes]
My friend Lucy always had a big Halloween party, and throughout middle school and high school having a good costume for this party was crucial. One year I was Wonder Woman, and I painted little stars on my own blue spankies. One year I was Belle from Beauty and the Beast. One year I was “a spy”, which was the closest I ever came to the animal-ears-and-some-form-of-lingerie trope. It was just a black sparkly dance team unitard with knee-high stiletto boots. Obviously navigating the “haunted” tour of Lucy’s backyard was hard to do in those boots.
One of the very last times I dressed up and went like, OUT out for Halloween was in like 2014. I was a Never Nude: I wore a tan leotard, tan tights (the thick dance kind) and cutoffs. I put on a giant puffy coat because it was approximately 1 degree outside and went to a bar with my friends. Because men truly never disappoint, at one point a guy came up to me while I was ordering a drink and had the audacity to say, “Hey, have you ever seen Arrested Development?” So, like I said, this was a good farewell to going out on Halloween.
What are some of your best Halloween costumes? How do you feel about dressing up and going out?
Victoria: I was almost three months on my first Halloween, and I was a bunny. My older brother, who was almost two months on his first, got to be a pumpkin. For Halloween 1993, my second, we were Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy, which, according to my mom just now “was a big hit. Everybody loved that.”
We were definitely store bought costume people, which in retrospect sucks. I was bigger than most of the other kids my age, so by like fourth grade I could only choose from women’s costumes, and a lot of them were too sexy for a nine year old (that year I was a black and neon green witch, complete with glittery fake nails. It was actually pretty good). Second, you’re stuck with what is “popular” at any given moment. I would have died to be Sailor Moon when I was a kid, but Party City never had a Sailor Moon costume in stock.
In first grade, I was the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland and ran around screaming, “Off with your heads!” the whole time. Very fun. In second grade I was a “harem girl,” which, yikes, but it was very fun. I had to wear long underwear underneath the crop top. In third grade I was I Dream of Jeannie, which was essentially the same costume in pink. I had just switched schools and another girl who lowkey bullied me had the same costume, so that was a bummer.
Like you, I had a lot of old dance costumes, and my most successful Halloween was when, in sixth grade, I rewore the 60s hippie outfit we’d worn when we did a tap dance routine to a song from Austin Powers. In middle school we had a Halloween dance, and my grandma put my hair in her perm rods so I had all these big fun curls. It deeply ruled.
[ID: a collage of Victoria’s cutest Halloween costumes. Her brother snuck into two photos.]
Something that stinks about childhood is that once you turn 10 and 11, you think you’re “too old” for kid stuff (I assume this is because Seventeen magazine wants you to think you’re old so you’ll buy makeup). I remember being a pink lady from Grease in seventh or eighth grade and feeling too old to go trick-or-treating with my little brother. I was 12! Twelve-year-olds aren’t too old for Halloween!
I think being a non-college adult with no kids is kinda the worst Halloween space to be in. Like, I’ll go to Halloween parties (in non-pandemic years) but it’s never that fun? In 2017 my best friend and I were Betty and Veronica from Riverdale, which was cute. I always come up with big Halloween ideas in my head, then rarely execute them in October.
This year was going to be the exception, though! My best friend and I had tickets for a Harry Styles concert that would have happened TONIGHT, and we were going to go ALL OUT. Currently the concert is delayed until October 2021, but we’ll have to see if that happens, too. :/
Hayley: I am SO SAD about your Harry Styles concert not being a reality. It would have been absolutely epic!!!
The fallacy of thinking you’re “too old” for Halloween — it’s so sad! In 7th grade my two friends and I wore all black and went trick or treating as Charlie’s Angels. We would strike a pose after ringing or knocking on the doorbell and say “Good morning, Charlie!” instead of “Trick or Treat!” It was really fun, but what I remember most about that Halloween is that multiple people said, “Aren’t you a little too old to be trick or treating?” It made me deeply sad that all of these adults in our neighborhood opened their doors, saw three middle school girls having fun, and their first thought was to be negative. My hot take? No one is too old to go trick or treating, and the gatekeeping around it sucks.
Speaking of trick or treating, my mom said that I always wanted to go to every single house and my brother would be done after like three houses. Midwestern Octobers are always a guessing game, and one time it was really shitty weather so my mom just pulled us around in a wagon to try and get to as many houses as we could and a bunch of them didn’t have any candy because they assumed no one would be out. So, my other cardinal rule of trick or treating is just keep a bag of fun sized Snickers in your house, who cares.
Sometimes the quieter Halloween moments are some of my favorites. My first year out of college, my roommate and I just wore fake mustaches and put whiskey in hot apple cider and sat out on our front porch handing out candy. She was a grade school librarian at the time, and got to see a bunch of her kids out in their costumes. It was really sweet.
Victoria: That is SO SAD about your perfect Charlie’s Angels Halloween. Why do adults DO that??? Man, what a bunch of brats.
The best Halloween I ever had as a kid, we went upstate to visit my cousins and walked around their suburban sprawl. We got so much candy my bag broke and I had to use my uncle’s Cat in the Hat hat as a bag. It was epic.
Giving out candy to kids is the ideal adult Halloween, but I never get to do it! Most of the people in our neighborhood are Orthodox Jewish, so we never get any trick-or-treaters and we always had to go somewhere else to do it ourselves. A couple years back my mom and I went to her friend’s house and sat on the porch and gave out candy and it was so fun and I’m forever sad I can’t do it every year.
One year I went to a bar on Halloween, which was a huge mistake. It was ridiculously crowded and all the guys had on the worst costumes and also the Mets were in the World Series and they lost that night. I don’t know who told men that wearing a jersey was enough of a Halloween costume, but it’s not and they need to stop (unless it’s a Space Jam jersey, that counts as a costume). Actually, now that I think of it, a lot of my Halloween memories involve the World Series; senior year of college I was trying to talk to a guy who was too busy watching the Red Sox. Sigh.
Note: Gold-Plated Girls will be on hiatus next week due to the election. Go vote if you haven’t yet, watch a comfort movie, and take care of yourselves. We’ll be back soon.
Stuff Victoria Likes Right Now:
Now that it’s really fall, every morning I make myself this cup of tea: Put a little honey in your mug. Put a splash of the boiling water, and then mix the honey into the water until it dissolves. Then put in a bag of chai tea (or use loose, whatever). Let it steep for how ever long, and top it off with soy milk (vanilla is good in this, but I usually use original). To me it is the perfect fall drink.
My friend Julia Piper is going to watch all the new Hallmark Christmas movies and recap them in her own newsletter! The first two came out last week, so you’re right on time.
I made an almost three-hour playlist of Christmas songs that are sad. Bookmark now for the weeks to come.
If you have trouble falling asleep, check out the Sleep With Me podcast.
Links Hayley Thinks You Should Click:
Lindy West has a new book out called Shit, Actually: The Definitive, 100% Objective Guide to Modern Cinema which I have not read yet but I trust Lindy with pretty much everything, so, I am certain this will be good.
This Self article about emotionally preparing for the election has sustained me lately and I keep re-reading it because I don’t know what else to do.
If you watch The Bachelorette you should read Maddie Aggeler’s recaps on the Cut, they are always funny and exactly what you want to read after an episode airs.
whispers quietly Olive & June has a Pedicure System now…ok I’m done I swear.
Gold-Plated Girls comes out twice a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays! Don’t forget to check out Victoria’s essay about Mariah Carey’s Ring Pop ring!