Did Anyone Listen to "Lavender Haze": On All Those Taylor and Travis Engagement Rumors

By: Victoria Edel

Hi. Long time no talk. I got laid off from my job back in November, and as I try to find a good landing place (and/or thriving freelance career), I also need somewhere to put the thoughts in my brain. So we're back. You can also expect some of the patented GPG conversations between myself and Hayley too.

Now back to the show.

As soon as news broke of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce dating this fall, pretty much everyone lost their minds. There seems to be some primal fantasy of dating "the boy on the football team" that people — Americans — love, even if Swift herself pushed back against that aspiration in "Fifteen." Swift, in these fans' eyes, was somehow fated to end up with an All-American football man, the pinnacle of manliness and family and handsomeness. Never mind that some of these same people did not care about Travis the week before, that they still don't know much about his carefully maintained public persona. People ascribed all sort of motivations and backstories to the two immediately.

And as their relationship continues (a relationship that has been an enormous PR boon for both of them, whether or not you believe that's the reason they entered it), I have seen more and more fans and gossip accounts and tabloids and talk show hosts say the same thing — they'll be engaged soon. "They'll be engaged by the end of the year." "They'll be engaged by summer." "Jason Kelce will give such a funny speech when they get married." "Kylie Kelce must be so glad to have Taylor as her sister-in-law." And on and on and on.

And I just think wow — people really hate that this woman is not married! I have spent a lot of time lately deconstructing my ideas about marriage, especially as I move into the age group where I'm the odd one out as one of the single people. The expectation is coupledom, and the expectation of all couples is that they will be engaged soon. I have noticed that everyone's favorite wedding guest is the engaged couple; in my least charitable moments I think of all these couples as a psuedo-cult, all agreeing with each other that spending all this money to sign this legal document is the best idea ever. And if everyone else is doing it, it has to be a good idea, right?

And straight people fall into all these trappings the most. I see TikToks where women complain that their boyfriend hasn't proposed yet — the idea that they could be the one to pop the question doesn't occur to them. I see newly engaged women complain that they weren't wearing the right outfit for the their proposal so now their photos are ruined, or praise their fiancé for tricking them into changing or getting their nails done. The woman's job is literally to be a beautiful object, to be proposed to, and to look good on camera when it happens. The man's job is the direction, the action, the question.

So when people project all their wedding fantasies on to Swift, of course they're sticking their own ideas of weddings on to her. Has Swift ever said she wants to get married? Not that I can remember. She has used references to marriage in her songs, but that's not the same thing.

When "Midnights" came out in 2022, I remember seeing a man on Twitter say that what Swift really needed was to settle down and have kids — she wouldn't have so much time to be angry if she had to organize soccer schedules. Somehow, this disgusting little man crystallized I think the sinister side of these engagement rumors — and of marriage. People want Swift tamed. They want her burdened by marriage and motherhood, which everyone accepts are burdens, good burdens that all women should aspire to. "If you have to balance soccer schedules you won't have time for your art," this man says, and he says it like it's a good thing. Back in May when Swift released her devastating breakup song "You're Losing Me," I saw a fan who said, "Who would want to date her now?" So not only should marriage and motherhood tame her art — she should start taming herself now to make herself palatable to some hypothetical future person.

Which brings me to "Lavender Haze," from "Midnights." Here Swift gives us actual autobiography about marriage. She sings, "All they keep askin' me / Is if I'm gonna be your bride / The only kind of girl they see / Is a one-night or a wife." And to see even her own fans put her in this trap — her and Travis must be dating for marriage!!!!!! — makes me feel gross and sad. In the chorus she calls it "the 1950s shit they want from me," but it feels naive to say those ideas are stuck in the past. Sometimes Swift's lyrical feminism feels so basic — but sometimes sexism is that stupidly basic.

I suppose this is the fate of all celebrities; who they really are underneath doesn't matter, it's all about the image they project, and what they allow people to fantasize about. I didn't realize so many people fantasized about dating an NFL player. I hope you dream of something bigger one day.

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