I've got Princess Diana on my mind. Last month, Hayley and I watched the Princess Diana musical on Netflix with our friend Brita. It was a nightmare. This month, I headed to the movie theater to watch Kristen Stewart in Spencer. It was a revelation. I've never described a movie as a "revelation" before, but it feels like the type of thing you'd hear in a movie trailer when they quote critics, so I thought I'd try it out.
Diana, the musical, has no good qualities. It tries to cover Diana's life from when she first started dating Charles to her death. The songs are extremely repetitive and boring — I couldn't sing a snippet of a single song to you. There are a lot of mentions of Diana being dumb, and she honestly comes across that way? This musical lowkey made me root for Charles and Camilla! I won't even tell you too much about the scene where Diana visits a bunch of gay men who have AIDS, but know that it's very offensive (sample lyric: "I may be unwell, but I'm handsome as hell"). Rather than show Diana's struggles with depression and eating disorders, she sings about them in a pithy song (the writers must have been so happy to realize bulimia rhymes with media). Diana pays lip service to William and Harry, but outside of their baby cribs, they don't exist. This is a girl power, girl boss Diana, and it sucks.
The worst part of the musical, by far, is the ending. Diana finally leaves Charles. She sings a rousing song about all her dreams for the future — moving to America, having more kids. Then she leaves the stage, and they announce that she died in a car accident. And then Charles and the ensemble sing "The people who will change the world are not the ones you think will change the world." And then it ends.
It is completely deranged. Diana's life is more than just a series of iconic dresses — the only part of her the musical seems really interested in. It doesn't approach a single emotionally interesting moment. Even when Diana is supposed to be visiting men dying of AIDS in the hospital, they're all like...totally fine and wearing normal clothes and chatting about makeup. The musical has nothing to say about life or death or pain or suffering, or about happiness in the face of it.
Then there's Spencer. The movie follows Diana over three days in 1991 — Christmas Eve, Christmas and Boxing Day — where she is with the rest of the Royal Family at Sandringham. A message on screen at the beginning of the movie calls it "a fable from a true tragedy," which is extremely my vibe (for a more fact-based look at Diana's life, in all its complexity, I recommend the episodes of You're Wrong About about her).
For most of the movie, Diana is in pain. She is depressed, she is anxious, she is hurting. She is dealing with an active eating disorder. She is haunted by Anne Boleyn. Charles is a massive dick who gave her and Camilla the same Christmas gift. The house is so cold. There is such little light and happiness for her — except for William and Harry (portrayed by two brilliant child actors) and some of the members of the staff.
But ultimately, she breaks through. She's not afraid. She scoops up her kids and she drives away from the Royal Family. She takes her life back. The movie ends with Diana and the kids munching on KFC. Director Pablo Larraín doesn't need to remind us that Diana ultimately dies. We all know where she ends up.
It's a bittersweet ending, for sure. Diana had less than six years left when the movie ends.
But, there's still happiness there. Yes, Diana will die before her time, but for now she is free. She can still fit meaningful moments into that time — with her sons, with her friends, with people she may fall in love with. Diana went through so much pain, even before she was linked to Charles, but that didn't rob all the joy from her life. It's tragic that she only got a handful of years to experience total adult freedom, but that knowledge doesn't have to ruin those happy moments. Diana, the musical, can't imagine that anyone who dies tragically could have ever been happy. It can't fit grief and suffering into its story of girl power triumph. Spencer knows that our emotions don't live in separate little boxes. It knows your happiest days can come amid some of your worst.
I think about all of us. Basically none of us will have enough time (unless we're literally Queen Elizabeth). It's horrible to think about. I feel such intense grief about the loss of my dad, that he won't be turning 60 this January. I feel so much anxiety about our changing climate, about the pandemic we are still living through, about the pandemics we don't know about. I saw Tick Tick Boom tonight (extreme recommend, it hits Netflix on Friday), which is the true-ish story of Jonathan Larson, who died the day of the first public performance of Rent. He and Princess Diana were born one year apart and died one year apart. It's horrible. But Tick Tick Boom also does a good job celebrating his life, in all its messy glory. it doesn't let grief rob the joy.
It scares me, really. Death feels like it should only be an issue for old people, but as I get older I realize that it only feels that way because when I was young, everyone seemed old. When I think about the future, I assume I'll get a certain number of years, but probably Princess Diana and Jonathan Larson and my dad assumed that too.
And then I think of Princess Diana driving in her car with Wills and Harry. There are still beautiful things.