By: Victoria Edel

Hi. Long time no talk. I got laid off from my job back in November, and as I try to find a good landing place (and/or thriving freelance career), I also need somewhere to put the thoughts in my brain. So we're back. You can also expect some of the patented GPG conversations between myself and Hayley too.

Now back to the show.

We Need To Talk About Penelope

Victoria: Last month, the minds at Bridgerton announced that season three of their show would not be following the third book of the series, which follows Benedict and his eventual wife, Sophie, and has a major Cinderella vibe (the book is hot and I recommend, though I think this is an unpopular opinion). Instead, it would be following Penelope (aka Lady Whistledown) and Colin as they finally get together.

Timely Stuff: Netflix’s Charité Is Nuanced Historical Storytelling At Its Best

By: Hayley Schueneman

In Timely Stuff, Hayley reviews period dramas currently available for streaming and decides whether they’re worth your time or not. You can read previous installments here, here, and here.

By: Victoria Edel

As a loyal reader of entertainment magazines for my entire youth and teenage-dom, I love charts about pop culture. One of the most iconic to me was the Bullseye in all "Entertainment Weekly" issues, where new cultural moments were ranked by how close they were to the bullseye. New York Magazine also has their iconic approval matrix. I have always wanted to make charts representing my celebrity opinions, and then I remembered I could.

First up, we have a chart of celebrity relationships. The genesis of this one is I was thinking about how Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis; and Scarlett Johannson and Colin Jost are trying to get into the "relatable" celebrity couple game, as patented by Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. And then I started thinking about how so many celebrity couples are marketed as a commodity together, and the different things they're trying to get across as a unit. So I threw some of them on a chart:

Hayley: When I suggested to Victoria that we write about all of our feelings about summer, she said "is it too early for summer tho lol, i feel like spring gets fucked" to which I replied "Yeah bc spring can get fucked." And that is the energy we are taking into this convo!

I wanted to talk about summer because I really hate spring, and this spring has been particularly brutal in Chicago. Spring is chaos, and not in a fun way like fall, where you're like ooooh I get to wear my boots today!!! I do, ultimately, love living in a place where I can experience all four seasons though because it constantly humbles me in a way that is second only to re-reading my high school journal. 

My favorite season is winter, and haters can hate. I am reliably too sweaty to full enjoy the others, although they do have their perks. And my attitude on seasons and weather in general has changed a lot since becoming a dog owner. 

By: Hayley Schueneman

Welcome to Hot Stuff, a judgement-free and enthusiastic place to increase your level of comfort in the kitchen, diversify your recipe and ingredient knowledge, and fall in love with the creative expression of cooking.

Think about the best thing you ate recently. What was it that made it really sing for you? If I had to wager a guess, I would say that it was one thing: the sauce. Yes, sometimes the meat is seasoned perfectly or the vegetables cooked juuust right, but more often than not, a meal’s success lies in its sauce. 

Victoria: Today i was thinking about 500 Days of Summer. I love that movie. i’ve listened to the soundtrack so many times that when i watch the movie again, it feels more like a musical than a normal movie.

And the cultural conversation about 500 Days of Summer pisses me off! First, people point to it as the genesis of Zooey Deschanel’s Manic Pixie Dream Girl era, which would strengthen with “New Girl.” This makes me mad because neither Summer nor Jess (the titular New Girl) is a MPDG. Tom in 5DoS SEES Jess that way, but the whole point of the film is that he’s not seeing her clearly. And the whole point of a MPDG is that she has no depth; the main character of a multi-season sitcom has depth!

Anyway, back to my main complaint. I have heard from men that Summer is the villain of 5DoS. This could not be more wrong. Tom is the villain because he refuses to see Summer clearly. She doesn’t want to date him. Tom refuses to accept that. He projects his hopes and dreams on to another person, which is relatable but it isn’t smart. Tom is the master of his own demise. That’s why it’s a good movie.

By: Victoria Edel

I bought new fake chicken nuggets last week. The brand is called “Daring.”, with the period, which was already a red flag. They describe their offering not as chicken nuggets, but as “breaded plant chicken pieces,” which is also a red flag. I guess maybe Daring. wants you to put these in salad or something, but i ate them with ketchup and mayonnaise.

They were good. They were perhaps too good! They were so chicken-y it was bizarre. A normal, meat-based chicken nugget doesn't really have anything to do with real chicken. That's part of why "plant-based chicken" nuggets — or, as we used to call them when i stopped eating meat 11 years ago, vegetarian chicken nuggets — are so easy to achieve. They have some texture, but they're kind of just mush surrounded by breading.

☘️ Happy St. Patrick's Day!! There's no better way to celebrate than to revisit this conversation GPG had last year about the joys of the 30 Rock St. Patrick's Day episode. Please enjoy! ☘️

Hayley: Okay, let's talk about one of the best episodes of one of the best television shows of all time that also HAPPENS to be topical: The twelfth episode of season six of 30 Rock, "St. Patrick's Day." 

We established early on in our friendship that this is one of our top episodes. Which is odd, because it happens on the other side of season four, where the quality of the show definitely drops. "St. Patrick's Day" is pure gold because it feels like early 30 Rock, but it also has its own special flair. 

By: Hayley Schueneman

Welcome to Hot Stuff, a judgement-free and enthusiastic place to increase your level of comfort in the kitchen, diversify your recipe and ingredient knowledge, and fall in love with the creative expression of cooking.

Hayley: So, recently Victoria and I have become full-fledged fiber artists. Well, very amateur ones, but enthusiastic ones! Victoria has taken up crocheting, and I am investing in embroidery. 

I am surprised that it took me this long into the pandemic to pick up a new crafty hobby. I guess I was too busy making bread and staring at the wall and taking little walks and getting into Korean dramas and now I have fallen into crafting territory. 

The reason why I chose embroidery was because of TikTok! I kept seeing beautiful little videos and people showing how to do different stitches. I had definitely been curious about embroidery before, but finally with much badgering in the group chat from Victoria (crochet) and our friend Em (sewing) I chose my fighter. I ordered this beginner's kit from Etsy and watched some TikTok tutorials on how to do the various stitches.

By: Victoria Edel

Everyone knows I am a Nora Ephron romcom stan. As Boyfriend Month draws to a close at GPG, I found my mind wandering to the many men Nora gives us in her three iconic romcoms — When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless In Seattle, and You've Got Mail. We never actually see the three male leads — Harry, Sam and Joe — as Meg Ryan's boyfriends, since the movies end when they get together. But there are other boyfriends in the movie who we do see. So here is a ranking, from worst to best, of the many love interests and boyfriends of the Nora Ephron-verse by much I would like them to be my boyfriend.

8. Joe (When Harry Met Sally, Steven Ford)

By: Hayley Schueneman

Emmett Richmond (Luke Wilson) in Legally Blonde is the best fictional boyfriend in the world. Every Valentine’s Day, I adopt him as my own boyfriend, and I highly suggest you do the same. 

Emmett and Elle, iconically, never share anything physical on screen. Legally Blonde is not a rom com, it’s just a com. While Elle thinks that her perfect man is her dumb ex-boyfriend Warner, it’s actually sweet and supportive king, Emmett. 

Hayley: This year, Victoria and I have dubbed February "Boyfriend Month" over here at Gold-Plated Girls. I wanted an excuse to talk about some of my favorite—and least favorite!—boyfriends of pop culture, and what better time to do that than during the Valentine's Day month?

There are SO many boyfriends it is hard to know where to start. Think of all of the boyfriends Liz Lemon had during the course of 30 Rock: Dennis Duffy, Dr. Drew, Wesley, James Franco, Gavin Volure, Floyd, Carol, Criss. Lately I've been thinking a lot about how much Floyd sucks, and how he keeps being propped up by Liz as one of the only "normal" men she has dated. Discuss!

While a TV boyfriend may have anywhere from 1 episode to an entire season (or more) of screentime, the movie boyfriend is a different beast. In romcoms, he is often the second lead of the movie, so our opinions form on him pretty quickly. And of course, sometimes there is an existing boyfriend when a movie begins, and then a new boyfriend that our lead develops a relationship with while doing some hijinx. Some of my favorite 2 boyfriend pairings are Adam Scott and Matthew Goode in Leap Year, James Marsden and Patrick Dempsey in Enchanted, and Tom Hanks and Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle. When a movie gives us two compelling boyfriends, as opposed to obviously "Bad" and "Good" ones, that's cinema, baby! 

by Victoria Edel

I drink a lot of tea. When I moved last summer, it took more than one box (small-ish boxes, but still) to pack up all my tea to bring to my new apartment. From time to time, people ask me about tea, and how to get into tea, and where the best place to get it is. So! Here is a super post aimed at demistifying tea and getting you to drink a cup. Maybe you want to cut down on caffeine (that's how I started dabbling with herbal teas). Maybe you just want to expand the types of beverages you drink (a perfect goal). I welcome you with open arms into my metaphorical tea cabinet.

Types of Tea, Generally

Dearest readers -

We realized we watched a lot of stuff in the past few weeks that we wanted to just touch on in this newsletter. So here's some stuff we recommend, and some stuff we don't recommend!

Victoria's Roundup

By: Hayley Schueneman

I miss the original Sex and the City. The good ol’ days of glitzy, campy New York City and the exploits of (in this order) Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, Steve, Harry, Smith, Aidan, Stanford, Candace Bergen as the mean Vogue exec, Natasha, Brady, Scooter, and ok sure, Carrie. 

And Just Like That is not Sex and the City. Probably because they are not legally allowed to use the word “Sex” in the title anymore, due to false advertising. So far we have gotten sex scenes from teenage Brady and his girlfriend (why), Miranda getting fingered in Carrie’s kitchen (then bizarro, perfume ad-esque flashbacks of that scene), and a few seconds of sex from a secondary—dare I say tertiary?—couple who are trying to get pregnant (or maybe they’re not??)

Victoria: Pacing in American movies and TV shows is completely fucked up. And I think I know who the people who started this disastrous trend are.

Back in the day, a classic episode of The Bachelor/ette went like this: Some contestants went on a group date, some other contestants went on smaller dates, some other contestants went on another group date, there was a cocktail party where people fought over the Bachelor/ette, and then there was a rose ceremony and you found out who went home. Basically every reality competition show followed some version of this formula. On Flavor of Love he gave out clocks instead of roses. On Rock of Love (and the iconic sequel, Rock of Love: Bus), Bret Michaels gave out backstage passes. Tyra Banks handed girls photos of themselves. 

And then, the Bachelor decided that every episode didn't need to end with a rose ceremony. Sometimes it ended with a two-on-one date, where one, if not both, contestants went home. Sometimes it ended with a deranged, mid-episode cliffhanger. Sometimes it ended just before the rose ceremony, or even mid-rose ceremony. Chaos reigned. 

By: Victoria Edel

My lovely friend Meg Hashem decided to do an end of the year in and out list, inspired by the savage queen bee Massie Block from The Clique book series (real ones know). She graciously let me copy this idea. So here's what's in and what's out for 2021, according to me, a person with perfect taste.

Victoria: Stefani Germanotta, aka Lady Gaga. The woman, the myth, the legend.

I love Lady Gaga so much I hardly know where to begin. Sometimes I talk to people about Lady Gaga (I love to put the emphasis on the second ga in Gaga for added drama) and I can tell they do not get it at all. They want to take her down a peg. They mention that someone they know knew her when she was younger and she was entitled or something. Famously when Gaga was a student at NYU some of her classmates who did not like her made a Facebook group called "Stefani Germanotta, you will never be famous." Maybe that's not even true, but it sounds true. Gaga is a try hard. She is a theater kid. She is performing and she knows it. She is Rachel Berry from Glee but much cooler.