Five months after this newsletter, not much as changed—I still don't have a lot of clarity on what I'll do / where I'll go when I finish my master's program in December.
I was given a full-time job offer, doing research on sediments, last week. I waffled, in classic fashion. The role, in subject material, is ideal and the people are good. But it would have been slow, and it's in a town I dislike, with not much to do except outdoorsey stuff. It would have been yet another move to a new place, necessitating finding new people. Ultimately, I said no.
One way I'm starting to characterize possible futures is thinking about resonance—what life path will resonate most with who I am as a person? How can I help myself be myself? And, ultimately, not only to amplify me, but the possible effects of my work?
In some ways, my turning the job down represents a professional sacrifice to prioritize my current lifestyle. It racks me with guilt to type those words, yikes! I feel I need to answer so many questions: is my current lifestyle OK? How can I change? What early-career sacrifices will help me do the best work, later on? What's the role of ambition? (Every time I think about "ambition" I think about the Kanye line—"he got that ambition, baby / look at his eyes / this week he's mopping floors / next week it's the fries." Whatever this says about me, I leave up to you, dear reader.) Do I follow the footsteps of specific people? Do I aim for broad, public work? Or deep, niche work? Or the other way around?
None of the questions are novel—I'm just going through ye olde quarter-life crisis, and wanting to share. I have a lot of agency, a lot of institutional support, and good social support too—so really, I have the power to steer my own boat right now.
Given that, at least I know a lot about what I want: I want to be able to surf a lot. I want to do science or engineering work close to my areas of focus. I want to talk to policymakers, or maybe be one, later on. I want to read books on the weekends, I want to go dancing on weeknights. I want to support teaching work, and programs for kids. I want to be able to see art without a long drive. I want to be able to spend time with my friends. I'd like to be able to afford a plane ticket now and then. "Oh, I wish I had a suntan / I wish I had a pizza and a bottle of wine / I wish I had a beach house / and we could make a big fire every night" (dripping idealism, dear reader). I want to have a less solipsistic approach to it all, but I also want to try to be happy.
Triaging,
Lukas
I was given a full-time job offer, doing research on sediments, last week. I waffled, in classic fashion. The role, in subject material, is ideal and the people are good. But it would have been slow, and it's in a town I dislike, with not much to do except outdoorsey stuff. It would have been yet another move to a new place, necessitating finding new people. Ultimately, I said no.
One way I'm starting to characterize possible futures is thinking about resonance—what life path will resonate most with who I am as a person? How can I help myself be myself? And, ultimately, not only to amplify me, but the possible effects of my work?
In some ways, my turning the job down represents a professional sacrifice to prioritize my current lifestyle. It racks me with guilt to type those words, yikes! I feel I need to answer so many questions: is my current lifestyle OK? How can I change? What early-career sacrifices will help me do the best work, later on? What's the role of ambition? (Every time I think about "ambition" I think about the Kanye line—"he got that ambition, baby / look at his eyes / this week he's mopping floors / next week it's the fries." Whatever this says about me, I leave up to you, dear reader.) Do I follow the footsteps of specific people? Do I aim for broad, public work? Or deep, niche work? Or the other way around?
None of the questions are novel—I'm just going through ye olde quarter-life crisis, and wanting to share. I have a lot of agency, a lot of institutional support, and good social support too—so really, I have the power to steer my own boat right now.
Given that, at least I know a lot about what I want: I want to be able to surf a lot. I want to do science or engineering work close to my areas of focus. I want to talk to policymakers, or maybe be one, later on. I want to read books on the weekends, I want to go dancing on weeknights. I want to support teaching work, and programs for kids. I want to be able to see art without a long drive. I want to be able to spend time with my friends. I'd like to be able to afford a plane ticket now and then. "Oh, I wish I had a suntan / I wish I had a pizza and a bottle of wine / I wish I had a beach house / and we could make a big fire every night" (dripping idealism, dear reader). I want to have a less solipsistic approach to it all, but I also want to try to be happy.
Triaging,
Lukas