Not much to say this week. I am traveling and if I wrote about what I'm thinking about, I'll sound like a broken record: how to connect with landscape, how to spend time with my friends, how to decide where to move.
I'm writing from the East Coast, per attending a wedding in Rhode Island. The East Coast is "reality" to me (due to how I grew up, my family being here, and other norms), which is both grounding and anxiety-producing in as much as life feels higher-stakes here. If I fuck up in California, I just move "home." If I fuck up at home, I won't be sure where to go. This is an irresponsible viewpoint, though—I don't want to fuck up anywhere.
In response to the Summer's messiness, I've been trying to assume a higher mantle of duty, care, attention. It is a focusing mechanism. Go to the doctor! Save some money! Don't stay up too late! Give to your friends! Concentrating on the joys of caring for myself and the things I love is a path to growing into adulthood, and re-learning the West Coast as a new reality. A place that I can participate in, a place I can take responsibility for. When I fly back to my adoptive Golden State, can I bring reality with me?
Walking myself home,
Lukas
I'm writing from the East Coast, per attending a wedding in Rhode Island. The East Coast is "reality" to me (due to how I grew up, my family being here, and other norms), which is both grounding and anxiety-producing in as much as life feels higher-stakes here. If I fuck up in California, I just move "home." If I fuck up at home, I won't be sure where to go. This is an irresponsible viewpoint, though—I don't want to fuck up anywhere.
In response to the Summer's messiness, I've been trying to assume a higher mantle of duty, care, attention. It is a focusing mechanism. Go to the doctor! Save some money! Don't stay up too late! Give to your friends! Concentrating on the joys of caring for myself and the things I love is a path to growing into adulthood, and re-learning the West Coast as a new reality. A place that I can participate in, a place I can take responsibility for. When I fly back to my adoptive Golden State, can I bring reality with me?
Walking myself home,
Lukas