Try, Try Again...and Again...and Again
My journey towards confidence amid rejections.
I didn’t forget about this month’s newsletter!
The first two weeks of October I was laser focused on completing two applications: one for Blink and one for a career development grant. I had been slowly working on both of them for well over a month, struggling to find the right words, knowing that it would take me right up to the deadlines to figure it out. I feel pretty good about what I came up with, but I have strong doubt that I will be selected for either of them.
Lack of confidence has been a sticking point with me lately, and I’ve been reflecting on how I built confidence in the past and what’s different now.
When I made the decision to be a professional artist 23 years ago, it was late spring. Most art fairs are in the summer so applications are due early in the year. I had missed the deadlines of all but 2 of the shows that I wanted to apply to.
I applied to both, and was accepted. From what I remember, the following year I applied to 12 shows and was accepted into 7.
Being a digital artist when digital art wasn’t a category yet, I applied in photography. It was around the height of the “digital photography isn’t real photography” argument so that worked against me at times, but with the location collages I was doing something no one else was (at least in Minnesota), which made me stand out.
I waited a few years before applying to the “big” shows—the ones in the more affluent areas that had higher booth fees, stricter juries, and bigger crowds. Some I eventually got into, some I never did. There was disappointment, of course, but I had a pretty full schedule so attributing the rejection to not being the right fit was fairly easy.
I’ve determined that one of the things that I’m missing this time around is just flat out luck. I was incredibly lucky to have dozens of art fairs to apply to as a beginner in Minnesota and that the juries accepted my artwork even though only some of it was photography.
Being accepted into most of the shows I applied to gave me a long runway to build confidence and experience. The more shows I participated in, the more feedback and education I got, and a wide range of other opportunities became available.
I can even connect my apartment to being accepted into an art fair. In 2006 at the Edina Art Fair, someone handed me a postcard that advertised new artist lofts opening in Saint Paul that fall. I reached out to request an application almost immediately after the show. I moved in 2007 and have lived there ever since.
For projection mapping, the runway length to build confidence and experience at home is significantly shorter. I’ve been able to find only 3 night festivals in Minnesota and have participated in two. It was a good experience—I was able to figure out surface mapping a bit better and how to set up a projector with an audience in mind, but the audiences were fairly small as was the compensation. My application for the third festival was rejected.
Outside of Minnesota, most of the festivals and exhibitions are comparable to what I saw in the past as the “big” art fairs—shows with large budgets seeking artists who have a good amount of experience and whose work has a significant wow factor.
With a lack of other options, I’m applying to them long before I’m ready to take on opportunities of that caliber. It’s like asking to play quarterback in the NFL when you’re a freshman in high school. It makes sense that my confidence is waning when I’m stretching myself well beyond my comfort zone and skill level attempting to gain more experience.
As difficult as it is, I’m not about to give up—I’m really passionate about this work. Light and technology-based art isn’t just something cool to look at, it can bring people joy and spark a sense of awe and wonder.
I believe we all need that in our lives now more than ever.
Next month I’ll be on time with the newsletter, sharing details about an exhibition in Wisconsin and a festival in Illinois that I attended to do some research and make connections!
As always, I’m incredibly grateful that you’re here.
Until the next newsletter, be well!
Giesla
If you’re able and would like to help support my work financially, click the button below to make a donation! I greatly appreciate your consideration.