Every Wall is a Door
I found my creative voice after contemplating a coffee mug.
2025 continues to disappoint and I know I’m not alone in this feeling. I’m looking for the small wins and joyful moments, but they don’t seem to stick around for very long. June started out quite rough as the push and hustle of my Florida trip caught up with me and I fell into a depression. Rather than fight it, I took the time to rest and ask myself a lot of questions. Thankfully I found my way out of it by the end of the month in part due to a coffee mug.
As I mentioned in the last newsletter, after receiving a positive reception from MAD Arts in Florida, they encouraged me to propose an installation for their Ignite Festival in February.
During the tour of their studio we had spoken about production limitations and capabilities and they mentioned that they would be able to construct my lotus arch the way I had envisioned it, which was double-sided, so that’s what I pitched in my proposal.
I called the installation “Welcome to the Present Moment,” a title that’s been floating around in my head for literally years.
I submitted the proposal at the end of May and got a near immediate response that they would review it and get back to me. After not hearing anything for 2 weeks, I followed up and still received no response. It’s been well over a month so I think it’s safe to say that they’re not interested in working with me.
Though I know from a professional standpoint that I should continue to follow up until I get a response, I’m not interested in chasing after one. They were plenty responsive when I requested the tour and sent the proposal. If they don’t find it necessary to cordially say no or tell me they’re busy at the moment but will be reviewing it at a later date, then I’m not going to waste my time.
It may sound surprising, but the rejection isn’t what prompted the negative spiral, though it certainly didn’t help. To get to the root of it, I had to go back a few months to February and a meeting with my creative coach.
They asked me to come up with examples of art and artists that I find influential in order to help me determine my creative voice. I frequently referenced art that had some sort of meaning or message to it.
The exercise was really helpful in seeing patterns, but I didn’t know how to connect them to the Emotional Shift Project or the mandalas. I was encouraged to stop overthinking and just make something, which is how I came up with the lotus arch.
Focusing on the construction meant that I could walk away from the stagnation of the mandala art while still feeling like I was making forward progress. However, whenever I’d hit a snag with the construction I would say either out loud or to myself, “THIS ISN’T WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING. I’M TRYING TO BE A PROJECTION ARTIST, NOT A CONTRACTOR.”
It took me weeks after returning from Florida to realize that my allegiance to the Emotional Shift Project and the mandalas was partially causing my depression.
I had put in over a year’s worth of effort, trusting that a path forward would reveal itself, and instead I hit a massive wall. Even if I was able to make the lotus arch work logistically, the videos that I was making to project on it still felt hollow and I didn’t know how to fix that.
In a whirlwind of frustration, I removed the Emotional Shift Project from my website and turned off donations on the GoFundMe. I had some hesitation that I was letting my intense feelings get the better of me, but not long after I cut the tie I felt better.
Referring back to the “just make something” advice from my coach, I started to think about what I would do if MAD Arts did get back to me and said they would make the arch. What would the videos I make for it look like?
I couldn’t envision the stillness and connection side, but the modern society side I figured out immediately, so I created the video and found a spot in my neighborhood to project on.
I posted the video to Instagram and got an overwhelming response. I decided to pay $5 to boost it and gained 10 new followers.
That’s when it clicked.
I was depressed and had been struggling with giving life to the mandalas because everything I was creating was bypassing my actual creative voice.
I eliminated any expression of the tension that difficult emotions cause because I was so fearful of being perceived as negative. I forced the “glass half full” narrative in order to be more marketable.
The wall I was hitting was actually a door.
I bought this mug at Superblue in Miami; an immersive art gallery with multiple installations. Every Wall is a Door is the name of the current exhibit, which is a line from a Ralph Waldo Emerson poem.
The exhibit description stated:
When nineteenth-century poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said that ‘every wall is a door,’ he was expressing the idea that challenges in life often lead to new opportunities. In our current landscape this assertion offers us not only comfort, but also hope. Similarly, in the Superblue exhibition Every Wall is a Door, artists inspire us to consider our contemporary moment in tandem with a shift in perspective through multisensory light, video, and sound installations that encourage a new state of awareness.
Despite having numerous other mugs, I drink out of that one every day to remind myself that the roadblocks I’m hitting are information.
I still believe in creating work that expresses peace and tranquility and will continue to do so, however in the spirit of “both and,” I will be doing it outside of the confines of a project in order to give myself the flexibility I need to dig into expression of meaning and message.
I also still plan on finishing and projecting on the lotus arch, but it will be closer to the end of summer when dusk isn’t at 10pm.
Right now I’m experimenting with analog techniques to alter my projections, and I’ll be sharing more about that next month!
As always, thank you so much for being here. I consider myself lucky to have you along with me on this rocky journey.
Until the next newsletter, be well!
Giesla
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