An Interesting Listen

I have talked about screens, screen time, taking a break from screens, and the balance of screens and family before. While there are some things in this area that our family does well, I am the first to admit that I am not the role model anyone should follow.

We’ve been thoughtful and proactive with some things like screen-time limits, no TVs in bedrooms, no devices or screens during mealtimes, no iPhones for kids/teens, and completely unplugging as a family as part of our routine. On the flip side, thoughtful people will always argue there is room for further improvement when it comes to the virtual world of screens and the physical world of those in your home or community.

My knee-jerk reaction is to feel ashamed when I look at my iPhone’s screen time report each week. If I look at the number of pick-ups I have throughout the day I feel even worse. A little bit here, a little bit there, it all adds up.

Maybe you know how it is? You are in line at the grocery store and you have two minutes. You pull out your phone to pass the time. Or you are at a hard spot in your work and want to take a quick mental break. You pull out your phone and fifteen minutes go by. When that happens, I am usually just irritated with myself for frittering my time away. But after listening to a podcast last month, I have realized that it’s actually much worse than just frittering those minutes away as I mindlessly scroll.

After listening, I feel less guilty and a little more like I’ve been taken advantage of. I feel more empowered about the choices that I get to make about screen-time, a greater resolve in boundaries for my kids, and armed with more information that allows me to better see through what social media is trying to get my subconscious to do.

As the saying goes, “Knowledge is power,” and I feel like I’ve been empowered with the knowledge that my attention has been actively stolen from me. With that knowledge, I know how to “fight to get it back” so to say.

Let me explain what I mean by that. The podcast episode that I listened to was “Your Attention didn’t Collapse, it was Stolen”. The premise of this particular episode is that we think that our lack of focus and our inability to stop glancing at our phones is a personal failing of ours, when in reality our focus is being actively stolen from us. Some experts would even argue that our focus has been stolen to the point that we know we don’t want to be looking at our phones, but that we literally can’t stop.

Maybe you’ve heard this argument before, but this podcast was insightful for me because it gave some (very practical) ways to push back against what so many in the world are experiencing when it comes to their relationship with their phones. More than that, it also explored how that relationship with our device impacts the relationship of those we love most.

Listening to this episode also gave me validation that it’s not just me who is struggling with my relationship with my phone. And while I knew that there were teams of pyschologists in Silicon Valley wanting me to keep my nose in my phone, the insights shared from the interviews with those scientists made me angry because I never quite realized the extent of exactly what I was up against. And even further, what my kids are up against. (Spoiler: it will make your blood boil.)

I am planning to read the book this episode mentions this summer, but have already implemented the following guidelines for me and my phone:

1. My phone “goes to bed” in our downstairs office at 5PM. It stays there untouched until I get it the next morning after I have had my coffee and devotion around 7AM. (Since implementing this our evening family time has drastically improved, alongwith my sleep).
2. When my kids have friends over there is an iPod/phone bowl. Everyone has to check their iPod/phone in and can gather it when they leave. People are free to use their device, they just need to do so in the entry where the bowl is located. (Note: this will make you automatically uncool. It’s still worth it, and kids get over it quickly.)
3. If I don’t have the self discipline to set times on my device, my teenager certainly doesn’t on her iPod. We had (what I thought) were strict limits. They are now stricter. Strict time limits with parental controls are necessary. Peek at your child’s device. The number of pick-ups will shock you. Our kids need help.

If you are looking for something insightful to listen to this week, I would recommend this episode. It’s a great listen full of takeaways that may lead you to setting some new boundaries just in time for summer vacation. But, just a heads up, the guest uses some language inappropriate for kids, so don’t listen in the car while they are around.

June Mix

When it comes to picking what to diffuse, I tend to find a combination that I love and then shamelessly fill my diffuser with the same thing for basically the entire month. Kind of like a good playlist. You too? Then this is the only recipe mix (see what I did there?) you need this month.

This blend is light and bright and reminds me of my childhood when we would stop at 7-Eleven for a Slurpee (but only when we were on vacation as it was a splurge/treat!). Each oil used is a citrus oil, so it’s sure to leave your home feeling fresh all summer long. (If you want to add the slightest bit of spice to it, just add one drop of Thieves).

Snippet from my week

This week wrapped up our seventh year of homeschooling! We turned in our school books on Friday and headed straight for the beach!

Thanks for reading! Have you read or listened to anything interesting on this topic lately? I would love to hear about it! Just hit reply if you’d like to respond. (When you hit reply, your message goes directly to my email. It’s a private conversation between just us.) I read all your messages and try to respond, but not always in a timely manner. Sorry! And if you enjoyed this email, you’d be doing me a favor by forwarding it to someone else who might like it.