37 and still growing up now
Folks, I don’t know what to tell you. As of writing, yesterday Taylor Swift announced the thing that I have been waiting for since November 2021 when we learned for the first time that she would be re-recording and releasing her ‘Taylor’s Version’ albums originally released under her old record label. First we got Red, and I thought, ‘maybe next time.’ Then we got Fearless, and I thought ‘please, please next time.’ Then, mere hours ago, I got a Tumblr notification on my phone. Initially I ignored it - I’ve been getting a bunch of those lately for things I don’t really care about, and I was playing a videogame, so I went ‘meh’, and didn’t bother to look at it. An hour goes by, and eventually I pick up my phone to do something and I see it. The notification; “New post from Taylor Swift just dropped.” ‘Okay,’ I thought, almost swiping it away without checking it, ‘cool story.’ But something made me open it, and the very first thing I noticed was the photo.
It’s a reshoot of the iconic original promo/cover photo for Speak Now. I recognise it instantly, and in my head I go… ‘oh fuck.’
I look at the rest of the post.
I couldn’t tell you exactly how I felt in that moment. This is the album. The album. All I could think to do was go off on social media. I changed my profile picture to the photo of Taylor from her post. This was the most excited I’ve been for anything in a really long time. This album saved my life, and it’s coming back to me just two weeks almost to the day after my birthday. Taylor did this for me.
It’s not hyperbole to say “this album saved my life,” by the way. In 2013 my life took a pretty sharp downward spiral after I started taking some anti-depressant medication that my brain disagreed with (and continues to, to this day), and I was in one of the deepest, darkest times in my life. I won’t get into the gory details, but you get the idea. But during this time, I had Taylor with me. I had Speak Now. Red had only recently come out the year prior, and at that time I was still a baby Swiftie - not to mention a still uncracked trans egg - and as I got more into Red, I sought out more of Taylor’s music, and discovered Speak Now. The title track will forever be one of my favourite songs, but there are *bangs desk* So. Many. Great. Fuckin’. Songs here!
Sparks Fly, exquisite. Back to December, wistful and beautiful. Mean, upbeat, peppy, and a ‘fuck you’ to everyone who ever treated me badly. Long Live, silly and just a joyful bop. Better than Revenge, a little cringe in hindsight but so emotional I just can’t help but belt it out. The Story of Us, a song that I can’t help but draw parallels between the lyrics and a relationship that has plagued me for over a decade now. Enchanted, Haunted, Dear John, Never Grow Up, Last Kiss. Innocent. Mine. The tracks on this record are some of the most iconic Taylor Swift songs I can think of, and every last one means something to me, in one way or another, which I simply cannot say about any other record she has put out to date. Folklore comes close, 1989 and Midnights too, but I will be buried with my physical copy of Speak Now (Taylor’s Version), and that is a threat.
If Taylor Swift ever becomes aware of my existence, I hope this post is the thing she sees. I hope she knows that her music lifts me up in a way that no other artist can manage, it’s not even close. Not Alanis, not Ani DiFranco, not Carly Rae or Selena, though of course I love them all dearly.
Speak Now is the perfect album.
A quick anecdote: when I originally started going by my current name, Rebecca, which in itself is another anecdote for another time, I decided that I needed a new surname too. There wasn’t even a second thought - it had to be Swift. So then in December of 2020, after someone at the Ministry of Social Development grew a little tiny baby conscience and offered to pay for me to legally change my name, I did it. Swift is my legal surname, and I have zero regrets. I owe her this.
This has been an unscheduled TAY Talk. Thank you for your understanding in this joyous, emotional, reverent time. Thanks for hanging out. Regular posts resume tomorrow! Ka kite anō au i a koe. 💚
- Rebecca