vayera: simple chesed
sholem aleichem,
last week, i wrote
every day we can choose to learn, to serve, to act with loving-kindness.
that’s very nice, past-ada, but how exactly do you “act with loving-kindness”?
because, to be honest, i often struggle to extend chesed to others. my struggle usually comes in three flavors: fear, doubt, and hope.
i’m afraid of my efforts being unwelcome or judged insufficient. (and sometimes, i’m afraid of simply interacting with other people.)
i’m worried that my motives aren’t pure, that i’m only extending chesed in the hopes of receiving something in return.
and sometimes i truly am only extending chesed (so-called) in the hopes of receiving something in return! yikes!
i wonder if there’s a way to a more straightforward embodiment of chesed. a way to cut through the fear, doubt, and hope to a simple expression of love for someone else.
avraham avinu is, of course, known for his chesed — in this week’s portion, for example, he extends hospitality to three strangers.
but it struck me this year how simple his initial offer is:
יֻקַּֽח־נָ֣א מְעַט־מַ֔יִם וְרַחֲצ֖וּ רַגְלֵיכֶ֑ם וְהִֽשָּׁעֲנ֖וּ תַּ֥חַת הָעֵֽץ וְאֶקְחָ֨ה פַת־לֶ֜חֶם וְסַעֲד֤וּ לִבְּכֶם֙ אַחַ֣ר תַּעֲבֹ֔רוּ
please, let a little water be brought and wash your feet. recline under the tree. and let me bring a bit of bread so that you may comfort your hearts, then go on [your way]
avraham ultimately extends more generous hospitality, but this is his initial offer: wash your feet with a little water, comfort your hearts with a bit of bread, and go on your way.
where does this simple love come from?
in hilchos yesodei hatorah, the rambam explains how to cultivate love of god:
וְהֵיאַךְ הִיא הַדֶּרֶךְ לְאַהֲבָתוֹ וְיִרְאָתוֹ. בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁיִּתְבּוֹנֵן הָאָדָם בְּמַעֲשָׂיו וּבְרוּאָיו הַנִּפְלָאִים הַגְּדוֹלִים וְיִרְאֶה מֵהֶן חָכְמָתוֹ שֶׁאֵין לָהּ עֵרֶךְ וְלֹא קֵץ מִיָּד הוּא אוֹהֵב וּמְשַׁבֵּחַ וּמְפָאֵר
and what is the path to love and awe of god? in the hour that a person reflects on god’s great and marvelous deeds and creations, and sees wisdom in them that has no finite value or end — instantly that person will love, praise, and glorify [god]
a person can’t start by loving god. a person has to start with curiosity about god — her deeds, her creation, her wisdom.
the rambam expands on this in hilchos teshuvah:
one cannot love the holy one of blessings except with the knowledge that one knows of her. and the love will be like the knowledge. a little [knowledge] - a little [love]. a great [knowledge] - a great [love]
in other words, to love god, we have to get to know her.
and: we have to stop thinking about ourselves so much.
moshe halbertal writes (maimonides, p. 202):
The human condition is initially that of fear, which reflects an instrumental attitude toward God and the world. By acquiring knowledge, a person can move from that sort of attitude to one of love […] The fear that precedes love involves a person seeing himself as the center of existence, which acts either on his behalf or against him. […] For Maimonides, at the core of human experience of the world is the attempt to free oneself from the grip of instrumentalization of the world which is so deeply grounded in our fears and hopes.
l’havdil, could all this be equally true about coming to love other humans? by coming to know someone, truly know someone, can we move beyond fear and hope? beyond self-centered instrumentalization?
like avraham, perhaps we need to start simply. a little water, a little bread, and a little curiosity.
good shabbos,
ada
p.s. ask about allergies etc. before offering bread