pinchas: always more
sholem aleichem,
friends! another week in the book. which book? we'll find out soon!
We're going to do a short one this week, that I haven't planned at all. I'm still figuring out the balance with this newsletter now that I have a full-time job writing and editing Words! I can barely remember what they are at the end of the day! Your patience is appreciated.
[cw: fasting]
There's a lot that happens in this portion that I'm going to ignore. Let's fast-forward to Bamidbar 29:7
ובעשור לחדש השביעי הזה מקרא־קדש יהיה לכם ועניתם את־נפשתיכם כל־מלאכה לא תעשו
on the tenth day of this seventh month there will be a holy call for you
you will afflict your nefesh-es, you will not do any work
I've translated some sections of this very awkwardly to emphasize a point.
The phrase ועניתם את־נפשתיכם (which JPS translates as "practice self-denial") literally means something like "afflict your nafshot". Whether nefesh means "life" or "soul" kind of depends on the time period and perspective of the writer, to my understanding, so I've left it as-is for now.
The point is, this is where we get the idea of fasting on Yom Kippur (the tenth of Tishrei, which in the Torah is the seventh month.)
I'm not a huge fan of the idea of "afflicting" my soul or my life. The rabbinic literature also isn't, and develops all sorts of safeguards from such practices. But I'm kind of curious about this phrase. The gematria for ועניתם (you will afflict) is the same as ותעמדון (you stood) -- in fact the two words share almost all the same letters. The latter word appears in Devarim describing the moment of revelation:
ותקרבון ותעמדון תחת ההר וההר בער באש עד־לב השמים
you came forward and you stood under the mountain and the mountain burned with fire to the heart of heaven
The mountain burned and the Israelites....stood.
I don't often fast due to health concerns (as is halakhically required of me), but I was able to fast this past Tzom Tammuz and it was an experience. So much was happening in the world around me but my experience of life was slowed almost to a halt -- as if I was standing still (or as if I had compressed (?) my nefesh.)
I do sometimes feel like I'm afflicting myself as I study Jewish text, and wonder what it would be like to simply....stand. I wonder why I spend so much time on words I profoundly disagree with, on texts that are so difficult (like the end of the last Torah portion, or the beginning of this one.) The standard answer is that this is what is asked of Jews: to wrestle with g-d, to wrestle with texts.
I saw a talk at Shavuos Live that challenged this idea. The videos from Shavuos Live are supposed to be here, but that site seems to be down at the moment. I don't remember who gave the talk (I'm pretty sure Darren Kleinberg?), but will update in a future newsletter once I find out. Anyway, to my recollection (which is several months old, since the videos aren't available to double-check) the person who gave the talk pointed out that this idea of "wrestling with g-d" comes from the story of Yaakov, in a verse that reads:
ויאמר לא יעקב יאמר עוד שמך כי אם־ישראל כי־שרית עם־אלהים ועם־אנשים ותוכל
and he [the angel] said: your name shall no longer be Yaakov, but Yisrael, for you have wrestled with g-d and men and prevailed
The speaker at Shavuos Live pointed out that the last word is often removed from the verse to make the point that we must wrestle with g-d (and our texts) -- and removing that word makes it seem like this wrestling must be eternal, a constant state of Jewish being. But this word, ותוכל, is there! And the same word appears (in a different form) earlier in Bereishis 2:2
ויכל אלהים ביום השביעי מלאכתו אשר עשה וישבת ביום השביעי מכל־מלאכתו אשר עשה
elohim completed on the seventh day his work that he did, and he ceased on the seventh day all the work that he did
How interesting -- our verse from Bamidbar also tells to do no work after "afflicting" our souls.
This talk was very controversial in the chat at Shavuos Live -- the only talk that created more of a chat hubbub was the israel/palestine talk. As soon as the speaker said this, there were many chats immediately pushing back. And that's fine and fair! But it also felt to me like a lot of people were having a gut reaction to someone saying the opposite of what they've come to expect and instinctively wrestling with it. It might be worthwhile to listen a bit, to stand still (as it were).
There are two different ideas I left with after Shavuos.
First: there are lots of challenging texts in Judaims that should be wrestled with. But the key at end of the Yaakov verse is that they should not be wrestled with eternally. There are lots of challenging verses that I've wrestled with, and I've won. My wrestling with them is complete. I don't need to wrestle with them anymore.
Second: it is possible to let the mount over your head blaze with fire to the heavens and simply....stand. Not only is it possible, it is Jewish, as much as wrestling is.
The High Priest used to read our verse from this week's portion on Yom Kippur. Afterward, he would furl the Torah scroll, hold it close, and say
יָתֵר מִמַּה שֶּׁקָּרִיתִי לִפְנֵיכֶם כָּתוּב כָּאן
more than what I have read before you is written here
Even if he had read the entire Torah, this would still be true. Every verse is waiting to be completed, and it's okay to rest and let it stand incomplete.
We should not afflict ourselves with Torah, chas v'sholem. We should (gematriciously editing the original verse) let our souls stand and refrain from work.
good shabbos,
ada