Greetings, friends. (XX)

Greetings, friends. Those of you who pay close attention will note that I missed a day of journaling.

I blame “Andor” for being so good. Jeanne and I went out for dinner, and, after we got back to her place, I decided we should watch one episode of the TV show, and I would have a shot of bourbon over ice. What actually happened was we watched three episodes back-to-back, and I had at least as many bourbons. Angel’s Rest is good stuff.

So is Andor. I haven’t seen the entirety of the first season yet, but I am firmly convinced that it is the best thing to come out of the Star Wars franchise since, well, at least “Return of the Jedi”. The Galactic Empire as seen in “Andor” embodies the “banality of evil” that Hannah Arendt observed Nazi Germany — evil manifested through staff meetings and dehumanizing bureaucracy. Evil in the name of law and order. And Cassian Andor’s journey to rebellion is equally tortuous. No sudden off-screen Han-Solo-esque change-of-heart suddenly turning this guy into a Byronic hero. No. Diego Luna is so damn good. I can’t wait to see the rest of the series.

All of which is to say I got carried away last night, and, by the time we got through three episodes, and I realized just how of that delicious port-cask-finished stuff I had put away, I was not good for much.

You know what? That’s okay. One of the great things about Duolingo, as I started to say a couple days ago, is the premise of the streak freeze. This 898 day streak, whose incremental growth helps keep you fixed daily on the lofty goal of learning Spanish, is not imperiled by life overtaking you for a day, or even two. You can have too much to do, have one too many glasses of bourbon in a fit of enjoyment — you can even just plumb forget — and get a pass, for once. Just don’t use up all your streak freezes until you earn more.

I’m giving myself a streak freeze on journaling this week. I’m getting back on the horse and I’m writing again the next day, even though I flew back to Portland this evening and I’m tired. If I set goals for myself with no flexibility in them at all, those goals would become brittle. I myself would become brittle from the pressure of having to do all or nothing, and I would crack, and the result would be nothing. Ask me how I know. I’m too old to be inflexible with myself around this. I’m writing because I want to write, not because I put a gun to my own head and sent myself on whatever is the writing equivalent of a forced march. Certainly, by word count and time investment, I’m averaging well above my stated goals over the past few weeks. I can afford to call out drunk one night.

I said this to Besha on the way back from the airport, and she quoted a book she had been reading. “Don’t let a slip become a slide,” she said.

Well, exactly. The quote, it turns out, was an anorexia counselor addressing the actor Jennette McCurdy, in her recent memoir, “I’m Glad My Mom Died”. Incidentally, I became aware of this book when Spotify tried to recommend it to me as an audiobook download, quite eerily the day before my own mother died. My mother was not the terror that McCurdy’s apparently was, but I confess I now want to read this book.

I did get out for a training run today, though, in spite of feeling more than a little rocky. Did two miles at a 12’30” pace.

I’m finally trying to engage with my own self-care. Off and on for years, I had a hard time filing tax returns. I don’t know what it was exactly — mostly an aversion to doing work that I found boring, but also maybe just being avoidant about self-maintenance.

No more. I got the notice today that my company’s payroll systems had made our W-2s available, and voilà, your correspondent was diligently filing his tax return digitally on the first day he was able from a Boeing 737 in flight at 30,000 feet above the great state of Oregon.

I am getting back exactly $1 in Federal tax refunds. Don’t ask what I’m spending it on — it’s going straight towards paying off my credit cards.

My mom would be proud, I’m sure.

If you’re reading this, I’m proud of you. It’s an act of friendship and I am grateful. I hope you are taking care of yourself as well. Ceterum censeo pro vigilum imperdiet cessandam est. See ya tomorrow! Or maybe the day after?