what can I do?
I'm busy right now - not right now but yeah, I spose right now. Is this me being busy? I don't know. Doesn't feel like it. When I write stuff, I mean. It doesn't feel like busyness, just like something that's good to do.
But in general, life feels busy, in a good way. Not in a stressed-and-running-around-like-a-nutter-way. I'm not sure that busy is the correct word for how I'm feeling.
'Busy' has a great many connotations, of course. It's 'good', i.e. socially acceptable to be busy. To actually be busy. The whole of one's being....busy! Also, busy-ness is business, isn't it? If you've got a business you have to be busy doing your business. Being your do-ness. Nothing wrong with it.
I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed though and I reckon I've mistaken busyness for overwhelm and being stressed many a time. I have also spent a lot of time using busyness and overwhelm to avoid sorting my inner shit out - avoiding the overhaul, reconditioning or whatever other mechanistic metaphor I can't think of to describe what the past many years have brought me. And from that point of view, I often judged every busy person as running away from things because that's what I recognised myself doing. There's a word for it - is it projection? No, judgement? No, being a eejit? Now I've grown up a bit more I can see that I can reclaim busy because I feel very different (oh and not all busy people are how I judged them to be, in fact maybe none of them are!).
I don't want to use the word 'purpose' here, as it feels a bit vague and fanciful and for me it smacks of a route to disappointment, so I'll use it to point at another word -> effectiveness. That's what I am feeling more of. I've finished teaching mindfulness courses now - I taught quite a few and I learned a lot about working with groups AND it is embedded enough to be felt much of the time. I love the nature work because it's so close to my heart and mindfulness is now in the fabric of that.
I'm in a time where I'm foreseeing busyness for myself and I already feel busy. But I also know it's a time of change. My little boy is nearly 2 and will be starting nursery soon. BIG change. Then I might even have time to expand my other work, which is the part that is just growing - happening in a way I didn't expect nor even really ask for, which I'm totally fine with. The Rapid Resolution stuff is happening and I can see I'm going to get busy with it.
It's busy I want to be - effectively busy. Ok!
This message feels like a letter I'm writing to a friend and I feel a little weird sending it. Hand lingering over the 'SEND' button with the little paper plane logo on it, like pushing the envelope halfway through the letterbox slot, unsure of how it will land. So what! ha ha, just get it out there!
Take heed ye monkeys! There's a lot to be done to help relieve the suffering of most of the world's population. I know we can change our stories without too much effort, just a little more bravery, and I'm bloody well gonna make sure I am busy assisting people with that and doing lots of other cool stuff too.
Have a good one! Big hugs!