tonight in Tod and what matters?
Tumultuousness.
That’s a word which had to come out just now for starters. Lots of ‘u’s' in that word. I was talking to my lovely neighbour yesterday, telling her that writing is for me like having a dump. That’s crude but true for me.
I can’t deny that lately I’ve been living on the edge, seeing that edge, experiencing that edge, feeling heavily challenged by life circumstances, whose details don’t matter. I can say that because life is a challenge-rich environment and I find myself within it and then seeing it as if from a distance and feeling OK. And that’s it! I can’t expect more or different because this is what I’m getting.
I fall asleep, I wake up. I have a bad dream. I care. I am awake, I see. There is lightness, there is weight. There is past, there is future, there is none.
This is the matter with me.
Everything.
Everything will always be the matter with all of us in some sense, in this life. Sometimes I feel good about knowing something I think another doesn’t, then I feel that knowledge is a trap and means nothing. Including this.
I don’t know who I am and it doesn’t matter. Until it matters again. Then I can save my ‘greatest hits’ for this piece of writing dump and appear interesting to others - ha ha!
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Anyway, I thought you should know again that I’m doing this event tonight with Dan and it will be nice. Please come and bring others. It will be well chilled. Kindness Cafe, Tod
Love