looking after
Hiya!
Today’s question is “am I looking after myself?” When the answer is “I’m not sure” this probably means that I’m not. When taking care of myself involves chocolate and biscuits I can see that these things are used as a distraction from stress or overwhelm.
This is me looking after myself. Writing this. Even though it takes time and it feels like I don’t have much of that. This is what I need to show me how I really am right now. And I don’t mind sharing it because reading this may be useful to you.
A lot of people I work with get confused as to what self-care is. to some it sounds ridiculous and to others it sounds like something that’s not happening or they want to happen and don’t know how to do, or something.
And so here’s the deal, as far as I’m concerned. Self-care takes many forms but is fuelled by awareness. If you are aware of the need that’s step 1. Doing a thing is then it.
So, that thing is different for everyone. When people teach ‘a system’ of doing something, they teach following guidelines, i.e. “do these 5 steps, etc, etc”. This may be something that has worked for many but may really not work for you. The issue here is that systematic thinking inherently, yet unconsciously ‘makes wrong’ everyone who’s not doing (or doesn’t want to do) this thing it suggests in the way it suggests. Make sense?
To look after yourself, first ask yourself what you like doing. I like writing/journaling, for example. Writing for me, is untangling. It’s really not for everyone, but you will have things you enjoy doing. Then make some time to do it. The only thing to watch out for here is being aware of the feelings around the thing you like. For example, I love chocolate and biscuits (or even better, chocolate biscuits!!) but I see that eating them a lot does not make me feel good. However, when I go for walk, I always feel good after it, even if beforehand I have a little resistance. And that’s quite different from not liking it.
Self-care is about putting yourself in a position where you’re doing stuff that makes you feel good longer term; Exercise, reading, writing, meditation, yoga, tidying, cleaning, making stuff, gardening and whatever other things you like doing, things that feel good to do. That’s it!
So if you’re getting stuck on what you think you ‘should’ be doing to look after yourself - that’s probably not a self-care thing for you. Go for an easier win for yourself. What mind and body needs are things that take us away from feeling anxious, upset or overwhelmed. The habit is to feel anxious about what we’re doing/not doing. It’s what I would call ‘societal conditioning.’ Self-care is breaking that habit. And breaking it again. And again.
My list of stuff to do today was overwhelming so I decided to write, to take the edge off it. Sounds ridiculous, because in some ways it goes against the idea that I’ve only got so much time in which to do all this stuff but the truth is, I’m getting perspective. Right now, as I write, I see that ‘not enough time’ is a crazy idea, invented by people (me, an hour ago) who don’t take care of themselves.
We need the reminder and so here it is.
Bringing me back to the idea of ‘looking after’. Looking after myself literally means reflection, as in looking at the issue after I’ve spotted that I’m not feeling great about what’s in front of me. Make sense?
I’d love to hear from you, let me know your thoughts on this, your disagreements, whatever it is! I’d be delighted to hear from you.
Thanks 😀