good enuf
We are nice, we are lovely, we are great, we are beautiful. I am nice, I am lovely, I am great, I am beauiful. What do you feel when you read those words? Pay attention to the feelings that come up.
Mind does agreement and disagreement. It's easy to look at someone else's achievements and think "wow, they are great" and then look at our own and think "could've been way better"
What makes us do that? The comparing thing, the judging thing, the self-slagging thing?
Conditioning. And when I explain it won't surprise you and in fact you already know it.
For quite some time I was annoyed about how I was brought up. Now it feels sort of weird to be annoyed about it. Because it could never have been different. My life could never have been different, how my sister with cerebral palsy experienced her life could never have been different, even though for a long time I wanted everything about her life, my life and my past to be different.
So what, isn't that normal? I think it is normal for a lot of people to want their lives to be different from what they are and for their past to be different from how it was.
But it's not useful.
We are brought up with the idea that stuff we are doing is either right or wrong, good or bad and that's where the good enough complex comes from. There's a direct line from our childhood people pleasing behaviour to not feeling good enough in the present. But we had to do that stuff to survive, this is the key point. If we didn't people please then our childhood experience would have been dangerously out of kilter and therefore a life-threatening situation - at least that's how our instinctive nature perceived it.
So, the first big thing to know is that it's ok. You survived and got through the difficult stuff in your life and you are now at this point - still alive. And whilst that might sound silly, that is the main function of our instinctive mind - the same mind that gives us worry, anxiety and 'not good enough' complexes - the main objective was to help.
So if you're feeling not good enough, the truth is that you are. The truth is that everyone is. 'Good enough' is an externally referenced state, i.e. it depends on validation from others - see the people pleasing child, now?
And how would you like that child to be? Happy? Carefree? Enjoying life? And can you see that child has suffered? Yes? And would you blame that child for how they feel about themselves? Absolutely not!
This isn't a solution but it is about seeing what's there. The things we carry are behaviours designed for survival in a world of 'goods and bads' of 'shoulds and should nots', which are only really relevant when we were being told not to pull our sister's hair or write on the wall with permanent marker. Of course, some people have also had to suffer a lot more than others. We navigate this world by second guessing what is good and bad based on our parents' - often irrational - whims and moods.
It's not your fault so can you be kind to yourself? Can you see - not that you are good enough but that 'good enough' is a paradox.
There is nobody to answer to anymore. You are grown up and in charge. You are not to blame but you are you, whatever that looks like.
Be you
The adjectives I used at the beginning are meaningless. You are you, that's it. There's nothing else, nothing to compare you to. Only one of you.
Ever