A year in recovery
I've been working with people in drugs and alcohol recovery for a year now. It's not 'my world' as in not my background but it's a beautiful and difficult one. I always have a little moment of feeling like an outsider when people ask me what substance I'm recovering from. Normally I just tell them I'm recovering from fear, paranoia, self-hatred - neatly packaged in a wet mattress of a term I call depression. Then we're more or less back on equal footing again. Many in recovery have suffered more than most in their lives. Often the've never seen outside of the 'small' world they've lived for, many have been in jail, living on the streets, prostitution - all of that. I used to judge people like them, in the way society taught me to judge outsiders, people on the fringes. But mainly they are there because they've suffered and not had any support. There is funding to help them and that's great but in so many ways they are outcasts. I wonder why we decide to blame them for their circumstances, when it was their circumstances that caused them to struggle and suffer as they have. In other words there is no way they could have done anything differently. I work a little in addiction because I'm curious about it - what makes people tick, why they decide to go there and, the biggest thing of all - why they decide they want to quit. Recovery is a truly inspiring and unique environment because people are there to heal. People who have finally had enough, have hit rock bottom, who see something in themselves worth saving. To me that's the most powerful part of it. When I make my weekly visit I have the privilege of interacting with inspiring people who so often do not have any idea how brave they are or how they have suffered. This is how I see it now. And then I see it in the wider world. People who have 'woken up' from their suffering and pain and decided to change something, to leave their job, sort their shit out and make themselves a path worth being on, no matter how difficult that might be. It's not all about the struggle and suffering, because that's how we grow. It is human to struggle and suffer but we tend to look at those elements of our lives as shameful and we hide from them. But really these experiences are the the gold from which our unique beauty is moulded. In recovery I spend time with people who have decided to bravely throw themselves open to the unknown world of discomfort and uncertainty, to heal and change and grow as people in a way that spreads love and connection. I suppose I just wanted to celebrate that. People everywhere are going beyond what anyone else might have expected them to - all the time. Despite feeling like outsiders, having been hurt and having hurt others. We are all the same.