Homage to the Clitoris
It's where it's at!
Confidence and Joy is a newsletter by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. Subscribe here. You can also follow Emily on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook!
Before we get started, thank you for all the responses to my August 29th piece on porn. I'm going to create a list of ethical porn producers for you all later this month – please feel free to respond to this email with suggestions if you have some.
It's the hokey pokey – it's what it's all about.
It's two turntables and a microphone – it's where it's at.
It's a Visa card – it's everywhere you want to be.
It's the clitoris and I can't say enough about it.
Averaging just one-eighth the size of a penis, yet loaded with nearly double the nerve endings, it is the only human organ with no function other than pleasure. The penis? Bah! Urination, penetration, ejaculation. It's a workhorse, a solid and reliable trooper, but without the finesse or precision of the clitoris. Watson to the clitoris's Holmes.
Biologically, the clitoris is emphatically not just the nubbin of tissue at the dorsal end of the vulva; that shaft bends back deep within the tissue of the vulva and splits into two legs (crura) that terminate at the mouth of the vagina. Stimulate the clitoris up north, get lubrication down south. The anatomy of the clitoris extends right down to the bottom edge of the vaginal introitus – the delicate, ever so sensitive tissue of the forchette, female homologue of the frenulum. Thus the clitoris extends everywhere throughout the vulva. It really is everywhere you want to be.
As exquisitely specific as it is sensitive, the clitoris demands trustworthiness, respect, and appreciation or it will not be tempted. Treat it with kindness, generosity, patience, you'll be rewarded. The brusque, the indelicate, and the inattentive need not apply.
Above all, the each clitoris has a different personality. What works for one will not necessarily work for another. Some like a pointy tongue, some a soft and flat tongue. Some like it direct and intense; others would flinch from anything more than the softest, most peripheral of caresses.
But nearly allllllllllllll of them want to be warmed up. Never start with the clit. In fact, start with mood and mind and trust and affection. Move from there to kisses, and from there to caresses, and from there to fondling. Like ovens and baking, women need to be pre-heated.
Be kind to the clit and it will be kind to you. Be excellent to the clit and, well I won't say that you'll generate world peace, universal love and respect, or eternal happiness... but you might. Worth a try, anyway!
Also, use lube.
And confidence and joy.
Can't go wrong.
My sister Amelia was in The Atlantic yesterday talking about Burnout and "quiet quitting." I'm really proud of her. It's worth your time to give it a read!
Questions or comments? Please email my very tiny team at unrulywellness@gmail.com
Feel free to say hello on 📷 Instagram, 🦤 Twitter and 🤖 Facebook – I don't always reply but I read everything.
Signed copies of Come As You Are can be obtained from my amazing local bookseller, Book Moon Books.
Stay safe and see you next time.
