Can you answer 4 questions to help me finish my new book?
Try to say "Sexual Ecstasy Survey" three times fast
Hey all, as I get closer and closer to finishing my new book, I find myself deep in the ecstasy chapter, and I need voices beyond the research, to describe sexual ecstasy.
The internet isn’t exactly overflowing with non-directive, non-shaming conversations about ecstasy—mostly, mainstream sources just present it as yet another sexual experience to put on your to-do list, rather than an experience that is 100% optional and also has the power to change your life, if you want it to. And of course there’s a lot of appropriative language that decontextualizes tantra as a religious practice.
But there’s not a lot of “ecstasy matters to me because X, and so here’s what I do.”
So I need your help, if you’re interested in giving it. I made a 100% anonymous Google form survey, and if you’d to add your experience, I would welcome it! And next week, I’ll write a newsletter about the responses I get! (That means that your anonymous words might end up in the newsletter or in the book, so don’t do the form if that doesn’t feel like a good idea to you.)
The survey is just four questions:
Do you experience something you could describe as “sexual ecstasy”? Yes or No or I’m Not Sure
What is it like? Say as much or as little as you like.
How do you get there? Again, you can be as expansive or as brief as you choose.
What benefits does sexual ecstasy have in your life, beyond the experience itself?
If you’d like to participate but aren’t sure how you’d answer, here’s some of what I’ve written in the book that might spark ideas. (Note: Me prompting you like this makes this project soooooooooooooooooo unscientific. But these are big, potentially complicated questions on subjects we rarely have to put language to, and the book isn’t about science; it’s informed by science, but it’s about people. It’s about us.)
Do you experience something you could describe as “sexual ecstasy”?
Yes.
What is it like? Say as much or as little as you like.
It feels like your individual self disappears or diminishes or dissolves or melts into the other people. You feel still and at peace. You feel restless with ever-expanding energy.
How do you get there? Again, you can be as expansive or as brief as you choose.
It takes time, like at least 30 minutes and usually an hour. I create context that really allows me to forget about the outside world and just focus on my internal world—darkness and silence are key for me, though I know some people like music. And I just grant myself all the permission in the world to notice what sensations feel like until they gradually grow so big that they take over my whole awareness, even as my whole awareness is free to witness the experience.
Why does ecstasy matter to you? Does it have benefits beyond the experience itself?
I think practicing ecstasy has changed me as a person. It enhances my sense of connection to myself and also to other people, it makes me kinder and more compassionate because I have so much experience being kind and compassionate with my body that it just becomes habitual in daily life.
It’s not science—rocket or otherwise. It’s just a chance for me to hear from people about what their experiences are like, and an change for you to share your experiences on a topic that we too, too rarely talk about.
Thank you all so much!
Questions or comments? Please email my very tiny team at unrulywellness@gmail.com
Feel free to say hello on 📷 Instagram, 🦤 Twitter and 🤖 Facebook – I don't always reply but I read everything.
Signed copies of Come As You Are can be obtained from my amazing local bookseller, Book Moon Books.
Stay safe and see you next time.
