Ask Amelia: Too burned out for a Burnout Workbook
What can you do today, if a book seems too daunting?
Hi everybody-
About a month ago, we shared a free exercise from The Burnout Workbook.
The contest is over but you can still download the exercise here.
We received this really interesting question from a reader:
I looked at the free download from the Nagoskis. But how do you begin to heal burnout if just looking at this worksheet is too much and too exhausting?
Thanks so much for your valuable time and attention.
Sincerely,
A burnt out teacher
Amelia’s response:
Hi! Thanks for this really important question.
The first thing I want to make clear is a distinction between burnout and mental illness, because for me what you’re describing is my experience of clinical depression.
The question I would ask is, do you want to try, but feel like you just can’t? Or do you feel like nothing matters, nothing is worth the bother, and this worksheet is for suckers who don’t know how dark the universe really is? If you feel like your overwhelm is unlike you, or that the exhaustion is imposed upon you rather than coming from the fatigue of doing too much for too long, you might be dealing with more than stress. And if depression is part of your life, please know that help is real and available, and there’s every reason to hope for recovery and healing.
Ask for help from someone you trust, and if anyone tells you that you just need to cheer up or get over it and things aren’t that bad, please give them the finger on my behalf.
If you look at the worksheet and want to try it, but just don’t know where to start, or just looking at the word cope makes you cry, then congratulations! You’ve already done important work: your body is telling you it has big feelings, and you listened to it! Now you have a place to start that a lot of people won’t discover until they’ve done a lot more work.
You’ve been gifted with the opportunity to learn something that your body or subconscious or spirit or whatever you want to call it knows. So look at the worksheet, feel the feeling, and ask the feeling to tell you more.
Does it have a location in your body? Head? Stomach? Heart? Toenails?
What is it like? Fear? Rage? Despair? Exhaustion?
What does it need? Connection? Comfort? Hope? Sleep?
It might be uncomfortable to sit with the feeling, and that’s okay. Feelings aren’t dangerous; they can’t hurt you. Have compassion toward the discomfort. Imagine holding the hurt part like an anxious little hedgehog in your hand. It might pee on you, but it can’t hurt you, and all it wants is to feel better. Remind the feeling you're a safe person who can protect it, who wants to help. Let it tell you what it needs.
And then if you feel an inclination to call a friend or take a nap or punch your couch cushions or cry in the tub or whatever, try doing that thing. Then check in with the feeling again. A lot of difficult feelings improve slightly when you allow yourself to turn toward them. They might just disappear completely as soon as you recognize them, but more likely they’ll just feel a little less intense, a little less demanding of your attention. They will almost certainly come back again, and you’ll get more practice at offering compassion, and eventually you’ll be a compassion pro.
Sometimes all the feeling will need is to express itself. Then all you have to do is observe the feeling, give it permission to do its thing, and give it the time it needs. The only special skill here is to be genuinely patient. If you’re just trying to get rid of it so you can move on, it will just take the next opportunity to explode at a less inconvenient time. If you feed it with thoughts about whatever initiated it, it could keep refueling itself and never find its ending. Pay attention to the physical sensations or focus your attention on what outlet would be helpful, or even tell it that you’re glad to be feeling it. One practical example I’ve used a bunch of times come from Steve Kravette: noticing my rage, then jumping up and down chanting “I’m angry and I love feeling angry” over and over until the rage is done. It takes four to six minutes.
This is what healing looks like. It’s not comfortable, and it’s mostly not charming or whatever else “self care” looks like on social media. It takes a little courage, willingness to be uncomfortable for a little while, and a lot of compassion. The good news is, it’s a skill that you can master with practice.
Questions or comments? Please email my very tiny team at unrulywellness@gmail.com
Feel free to say hello on 📷 Instagram, 🦤 Twitter and 🤖 Facebook – I don't always reply but I read everything.
Signed copies of Come As You Are can be obtained from my amazing local bookseller, Book Moon Books.
Stay safe and see you next time.