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{I don’t want to have to choose between belonging or being myself} 👆🏼what one of my clients said earlier today, with a broken-hearted voice, followed by tears.

Thing is, she doesn’t. But she doesn’t fully know that yet. She knows enough to know that there are those two distinctly separate experiences:
👉🏼 the one where she feels like she “belongs” which also feels hollow and empty
👉🏼 the one in which she feels like herself which feels authentic but also lonely

And she thinks that she has to deny her true-self-expression in order to be part-of, to enter and sustain relationships. 

We develop this hollow self when we perceive that we won’t receive what we most want (connection) by being who we truly are. 

As we continue to show up in this way, we may gain acceptance in various circles and spaces which, at a surface level, feels sort of good. 

But that feeling is fleeting. It doesn’t last. Because it’s an acceptance and connection that is not connected to who we really are.

Conversely, when we can —
💚first: trust that we know exactly who we are and
💚second: show up just as that
— the sense of connection and belonging is already ours. It comes first from within.

A byproduct of that is we then find the people with whom acceptance is a given, with whom love and connection and belonging is not only there but is really actually felt by us.

Might feel a bit scarier to be YOU at first. And it will take a little time (and some real discomfort). But the reward is beyond words...

How do you know when you are being YOU vs presenting a "shell" or hollow version of yourself for the sake of belonging? 

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On this note, I randomly listened to a lovely podcast interview with former surgeon general of the United States Vivek Murthy, MD. in which he discusses loneliness and togetherness. Among other wonderful insights, he also talks about the importance of being true to our authentic selves as an antidote to loneliness. I felt it was useful as we continue to push through into more socially-distanced, consciously-separate days and weeks.