i have been going back and forth for a few months about what platforms i should be on, where my offerings would live best, and how i could most organically put myself in front of an audience while still feeling good about myself as i do it. i still don’t have a concrete answer, which honestly is on brand for my personality flavor. 

i started my journaling YouTube in October 2023, launched my substack in January 2024 after taking a course facilitated by , launched my Patreon in March, my website in April, and then relaunched it again last month with a new look. I just launched my online shop a week-ish ago. all the while wondering where all these platforms start and I end. each one has its benefit, each one its cons, each one something to offer me and my potential audience… how to chose and make sure i choose right?

(despite the anxiety, I firmly believe this truth: you can always change your mind). 

i talked a bit about my relationship with marketing in the previous newsletter, but the short story is that i’ve had a tumultuous relationship with marketing that i feel i might live with all my life- albeit managing to work through some of the difficult stuff in the past few months. showing up online might be easier for me than doing so in person, but online presence is another monster altogether because of the vastness of its reach. i am someone so crippled by fear of perception that i must admit most days this isn’t easy to do. a lot of the time, it feels like I’m serving myself on a platter to be eaten in the form of scrutiny…

( luckily, i haven’t even been hit by any trolls or haters thus far- i don’t expect this grace to last forever).

however, i feel passionate about moving past the fear and showing up. in part because i would like to earn some extra income to support myself financially via something i love but also because i want to continue proving to myself that i can do hard things. 

yesterday i posted on patreon about some changes i will be making to the tiers and any time i post things like that i get the feeling of exposing myself that i cannot shake. despite that, i feel strongly that the new change aligns with how i want to show up on the platform and share of myself. i can’t say that knowing that makes it any easier but this is a resistance i know i need to give into, let it flow past me by feeling it. sometimes you make a decision that has initial negative repercussions but that opens you up for growth in the long run…

despite the desire for instantaneous gratification in this world we live in, i do still believe that good thing (true things) take time. 

i’ve decided to make patreon a VISUAL SPACE (if you’d like to read more about the changes, you can do so here). substack will be my WRITING SPACE. i have dedicated a lot of time these past few months to the visual aspect of my artistry, which i’ve enjoyed. i’ve reached 1k+ subs on youtube and so have been able to access the youtube partnership faster than i had set out (before my one year anniversary) and im so grateful and still in disbelief. even though i am going to keep making videos, i think i will lower the frequency to two or three times a month for now so i can make some extra time to focus on my writing practice. i wish so urgently to share my words with you- to share them with myself too.

There is always so much chatter in my brain, and I can never make it out until I write—whether in my journals or on my computer. And it’s always a surprise to see what my fingers transcribe for my brain. Have you ever been in awe of yourself? It’s such a pure feeling; it brings me to tears sometimes. I want to feel it more, and I hope you do, too. 

i haven’t fully decided how the writing practice will look like or what that will show up as on substack. but i know i want to start small and build up because i have a knack for biting off more than i can chew and i want this to be sustainable. so I'm thinking of starting off with a “weekly report’ format and seeing how that feels. i might tinker and modify it as i go but i think having a sort of template might make things a bit easier to start with. 

how about you? do you have any journaling or writing prompts you use to get you out of a block and into a writing flow? let me know, i’d love to hear from you! maybe it will spark an idea… 

thank you so much for taking the time to read what i have to say. i’m so grateful… catch ya soon.  

Website

hello@ellanym.com

PO Box 277, Corinth, ME 04427

Patreon Community